[Day 125]
I'm gonna try and get back on that daily blogging bandwagon soon. As in right now. So let's talk about Wildflower. (:
The lead up: I returned from Collegiate Nats and was immediately greeted by a looming neuro midterm. As a result, I only got two workouts in between Nats and Wildflower, which honestly I didn't think was the most terrible thing given that it was meant to be a recovery week anyways. I got an easy run in on Monday (4.21 mi, 40:39, 9:39 pace) and an easy ride in on Thursday (12.83 mi, 47:04, 16.3 mph) and that was that.
Travel and pre-race: Travel was a little insane. To make a long story short, we grossly underestimated the amount of time it would take to get from the airport to the race site. This made it pretty awkward for our one teammate who was racing the 70.3 on Saturday (we had flown out on Friday) who wasn't able to get to bed til close to 11:30 pm Friday night. A few of us decided to get up early the next day to help her get set up at the venue so it was an early morning. I was able to go back to the lake house we had rented for the weekend and get some sleep after that though, so it wasn't too bad.
The day was filled with some random adventures, including going to the town's only breakfast place and market to get food and spending some time at the venue after the 70.3 to get our bikes fitted (we were all riding rentals because transport from Clemson was too complicated, and it turned out to be pretty cool because I got to ride a full carbon bike for the first time). A highlight of the day was probably being lied to about the distance of a closed road on course and being told we could talk to the venue in 1.5 miles when in reality it was closer to 5 miles away from where we were. Yeah, it was a bummer. We walked for a long time. After bike fitting in the afternoon, we went home and had dinner and relaxed and packed/prepped for race day!
Race day: I got up at 4:30 am for a 5:00 am departure to the venue. Had the typical bagel and banana breakfast and then rolled out to get transition set up. This race was a little different because there were two T1s, one where the bike course starts (T1b) and another where the swim ends (T1a) because there is a 2.2 mi run from the lake to the bike transition. After setting up T1b, we took a shuttle bus over to the swim start and set up T1a and hunkered down for the start. Because the shuttles were only running until 7 am, we got to the start really early. The sprint racers were off at 8 am and the Olympic distance waves didn't start until 9 am (I was in a 9:05 am wave). During that time, I had a bottle of water, a Clif Bar, and three Shot Bloks and just sat around with my teammates, waiting for the race to start.
Swim: I took a dip in the water just after the 9 am collegiate men's wave start to get a feel for the temperature (a nice toasty 70F which I swam in my sleeveless wetsuit) and we were off at 9:05. I started at the front of the women's pack but slowly got dropped by the lead girls as we rounded the first turn buoy. It was a tough course to sight on the way out due to the glare of the sun off the water. I ended up sighting the wrong buoy after the first turn buoy and got pretty off course before a kayak redirected me in the right direction. I was pretty upset with myself at that point because I knew the lead girls had probably pulled a good deal ahead of me at that point but if anything, it really lit a fire underneath me and I kicked up my swimming a notch to try and make up for lost time. It wasn't long before I was catching the boys from the collegiate men's wave ahead of me and rounding the turn at the halfway point in the swim. There were two other pink caps with me the whole swim in that I tried to keep ahead of on the swim back to shore. In the end, my split wasn't as horrible as it could have been given that I went off course, but the off course-ness of it all definitely showed. I was still the 7th collegiate female out of the water though (out of 61 athletes who went on to complete the race), so I was satisfied with that.
Garmin numbers: 1,877 yards, 28:43, 1:32 min/100yd pace
Official numbers: 27:32, 1:50 min/100m pace
T1 and Transition Run: I was super super dizzy coming out of the water. The transition was situated on this huuuuuuge boat ramp and the combination of gravity and changing blood pressure from getting out of the water and trying to transition on a ramp instead of flat ground really messed with me. I just kept falling over as I was trying to get my wetsuit off and put my shoes on and get all my things shoved into the bag we were given to store our T1a items for transport back to the finish line by race staff. It was sort of a mess. Eventually I got it worked out though and set off on the 2.2 mile transition run.
The run started off real rough. My lungs were exploding because that's the nature of starting the run out of the water and we had a huge ramp to climb followed by another uphill before we got to the rolling terrain. The run also finished on another huge long boat ramp which wasn't the most pleasant thing in the universe. I definitely tried my best to just enjoy the process though because we were running along a trail that ran through the dried bed of where there lake used to sit before the draught caused it to recede as much as it had. It was definitely the most beautiful terrain I had ever raced on and despite the fact that the course was really tough (and turned to sand at some points), I just tried to remember how blessed I was to be able to do what I was doing and to have the opportunity to be there and racing. I didn't push very hard on this run, just focused on being steady and getting to T1b so I could get on my bike and do what I knew was going to be A LOT of climbing.
Garmin numbers: 2.37 mi, 22:01, 9:16 pace, 172 spm average, 285 ft gain, 171 ft loss
Pace splits by mile: 9:34, 8:50, 9:40
Official T1 time: 3:58
Bike: The climbing was real. I was on a light bike with a better set of gear ratios than my own bike though and was surprised by how manageable the climbs were. Of course, I didn't ride very hard on any climb, just kept the gear real low and tried to spin up slowly (5-7 mph speed). I definitely opted to let people who wanted to pound pass me. Part of it was fear of blowing my legs out early, but another part of it was realizing that my knees were not at all prepared for a the kind of strain that would accompany this volume of climbing so I opted to be conservative.
I tried to enjoy the scenery on our ride out and keep a reasonable level of effort. I definitely took advantage of the downhills, hitting a max speed of 39.6 mph. I took my gel early in the ride rather than later, spreading out my consumption of the gel over the course of many many miles because I didn't want to run into the same issue as I had during Nats where I couldn't get my gel down at the end of my ride. Somewhere along the way out, I passed Brian and he and I leapfrogged for a little bit before I made a serious push to get and stay ahead.
Then on the way in, there was a small disaster. We had crested the third big climb of the ride and we were around the 16 or 17 mile mark in the ride and I was just riding away on this nice straight flat section when I dropped my head for a little bit because I was tired. A combination of things happened at that point. My very twitchy bike (yay first time riding a full carbon bike...) hit an uneven patch of the road where potholes had obviously been patched and all of a sudden my front wheel was out from under me and I was bouncing on the pavement. My left shoulder hit the ground first, then my head (which bent my neck forward from the impact), then the rest of my body. I was lucky enough to have bounced off of the road and slid into the dirt so no cyclists behind me hit me (and many asked to make sure I was okay, which was nice of them). The adrenaline meant that I felt absolutely nothing at that point and I got up and checked out the bike to see if I could keep going.
By some miracle, the bike was virtually unscathed. I had to fix a dropped chain, realign the front brake, and reattach my hand pump to the frame, but then I was right back on my way. I took stock of my situation once I got back on the bike. I had hit my head but I hadn't blacked out and I wasn't having any problems with vision or any cognitive symptoms, so I figured I was likely not concussed. I couldn't rule out the possibility of a slower presenting brain bleed, but that also wasn't likely to get me for another couple hours anyways so I ignored that possibility. I had some road rash on my arm and what looked to be a pretty serious cut on the middle finger of my left hand. There was definitely a skin flap and a lot of blood, but honestly I couldn't really tell what was going on beyond that because it was so bloody. I touched it and it hurt, so I decided I wasn't gonna do more of that. I could tell that it was a soft tissue wound and likely didn't have any bone involvement, so I thought about the possibility of maybe losing that piece of my finger and it honestly didn't seem that important, so I pretty much decided that if I wanted to finish, I could do it and I could do it without any serious risks to my health. So that's what I decided I was going to do.
I did slow down the rest of the ride though. I rode my brakes down every hill, I didn't let the bike go faster than 25 mph because I wasn't about to lay myself out on the pavement again. Again, I didn't ride too aggressively, I sort of changed my whole mentality towards the race from doing the best I could to just finishing at a decent effort. I was less shaken up by the whole event than I thought I would be, but still a little shaken nonetheless, and I was happy to not push it and just be grateful that despite the crash, I was going to have the opportunity to finish.
The race finishes on a long windy downhill on which you could easily be going 45 or 50 mph. I let about 20 riders pass me on that hill because I wasn't willing to take it fast. On the second to last turn, there had been a crash and a girl was down on the pavement lying motionless face down as the paramedic vehicles came up the road towards her. A runner, probably one of the fastest collegiate boys, had positioned himself up higher on the road to slow the riders down as we came in and as we slowed and made that turn, I think everyone was pretty shocked to see what had happened. I don't know if she's okay, but in that moment all I could really think was, "that could've been me". I got so lucky that I fell in a flat going not super fast (~17 mph) and that I hit the ground the way I did (shoulder first, instead of face first or hands out-stretched or really just about any other way) and that I wasn't in the same place as this girl who was now being tended to by the paramedics. I hope she's alright.
Garmin numbers: 24.48 mi, 1:41:50, 14.4 mph average, 1837 ft gain, 1745 ft loss
Garmin speed splits by mile: 13.6, 15.0, 14.5, 15.7, 13.5
Official numbers: 1:42:07, 14.50 pace
T2: The accident just up the hill was the only thing that had my attention in T2. I had forgotten to put my race number on and was afraid I would be assessed a penalty for it, but thus far I haven't seen any penalty minutes added to my time, so I don't know what happened with that. T2 was a pretty normal transition, I racked my bike pretty distractedly and headed off on the run.
Official T2 time: 1:08
Run: Since T1 had a 2.2 mile run, the actual run portion of the race was only 4 miles. Unfortunately it was four miles with the most insane amount of elevation gain I've ever seen in that distance in my life, including by far the largest hill I have ever had to "run" up. It was a mile 2 hill and I was confused at first because so many of the athletes were walking but as I looked off into the distance, I could see the top of the mountain we were climbing and it was very far away and very high (and people were walking up there too). I decided that I would alternate speed walking and jogging depending on the grade because I wanted to be out of the blazing sun and I wasn't about to casually walk up the entirety of this hill like some athletes seemed to be opting to do. I got to pass quite a number of people that way and was pretty proud of my effort. If I had it my way, I wouldn't have walked any of it, but I knew it was the right call to make given the grade and the sheer length of the hill.
The day had warmed up by a lot at this point and it was hot. I had drank most of both of my water bottles on the run, but hadn't finished the second one completely because I didn't want to take my hands off the handlebars of my bike after my crash. I hadn't taken in enough fluids on the course up to that point I don't think and I was worried about where my hydration was at because of the heat. Athletes around me were obviously cramping as they climbed this hill and I prayed and prayed and prayed that it wouldn't happen to me.
As I crested the top of the hill, I felt my right quad tweak with the beginnings of a cramp and it terrified me. I did everything I could to hold it at bay on the next downhill and flat into the next aid station. I walked through the aid station and drank an entire cup of water and an entire cup of Gatorade before setting back out at a running pace. Luckily enough, the quad cramp did not ever come on in full force and I was able to run the rest of the way into the finish.
Garmin numbers: 4.14 mi, 41:06, 9:56 pace, 499 ft gain, 463 ft loss, 168 spm average (my watch didn't record splits for this run)
Official run time (T1 and end run combined): 1:01:19, 9:53 pace
Post-race: I finished, got my finisher's medal, and immediately was taken to the med tent to deal with my road rash. They wiped everything down with alcohol wipes and told me to go to an ED to get my finger checked out because the doctor said it would likely need stitches and they couldn't do that on site. I returned the rental bike and the rental guys were extremely nice about it and told me not to worry about bleeding all over their bike. Brian did a lot of work to make the race officials let us leave the venue (roads from the lot we were parked were closed due to the race) and it took about an hour but eventually we got out of there and to an ED. The doctor there opted to not do stitches. They debrided the wound and picked some embedded pebbles out of my hands and taped everything up instead. Hopefully that will heal fine in time. I would tell the rest of the story of my night drinking wine and playing Battleship and watching random Czech movies with Brian and sleeping only 3 hours and driving out to SF and getting on a flight to come home, but honestly that one sentence pretty much sums all of it up.
Now I'm home, healing from the crash and from the weekend in general. The road rash (left arm, back, and hip) was really painful the first 24-48 hours but it's died down since then. The finger laceration is still very much so open, I've just been keeping it taped and hoping that it'll grow together in time. I had some neck and back stiffness as well that peaked probably yesterday morning, but has also been gradually going away. It seems like my left wrist, elbow, and shoulder all got kind of messed up and knocked loose in the crash. Probably won't be swimming or lifting for a little while because of it, going to give those joints some time and hope they heal on their own too. Got some magnesium Monday night and have been taking it, which seems to have helped a lot with the recovery process. All in all, feeling pretty good, feeling really grateful that I didn't get hurt any worse than I did and that I was still able to finish an amazing race. It was a great trip.
Finish line stats: 3:16:04, 23/61 in Collegiate Women, 90/156 in Collegiate Overall, 60/266 in Women Overall, 255/661 in Olympic Distance Overall.
Thoughts: Trips like this are a huge reminder of how lucky I am to get to do what I do. I got to travel to a beautiful place and race a beautiful course and challenge myself on terrain that I've never had to tackle before in my life and learn new things about racing and about myself and have new and somewhat scary experiences that I know I'll be better off for having. I was lucky enough to not get seriously hurt, I was lucky enough that in tough conditions my body managed to hold out and get me to the finish line, I was lucky enough to have teammates that fought for me and took care of me and got me to where I needed to be when I needed them to help me out. The entire race/trip was a huge blessing. I'm really lucky.
I hope that I get to go back one day. I don't think I was prepared for how grueling that course was and I don't like to race for survival but that's what it was this weekend. I didn't have the fitness or the skills to tackle that kind of course competitively, all I could do was try to make it to the end. I want to get to go back and I want to conquer it for real. I want to be good enough next time that I can push to go faster instead of push to just get to the end. It's probably going to be a long time before I take another shot at Wildflower, but one of these days I will, and hopefully when that time comes, I'll be taking a good chunk off my course time with it.
Loose ends: I'll be doing a Spring season post-mortem later on when I get the time. I'll post the overview of what my training has been and just some reflections on the whole process. I think it'll be good to take some time to reflect after a long training cycle, so I'll try and make time to do that in the next week. I'm also going to try to get back to logging every day, so expect more regular posting to return. Thanks for reading about my crazy first trip to California! (:
Much love,
Jess
Showing posts with label pushing through. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pushing through. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Race Report: Wildflower Olympic Distance (Collegiate Division)
Labels:
blessed,
climbing,
crash,
fall,
hills,
injury,
olympic,
pushing through,
race,
race report,
terrain,
triathlon,
wildflower
Monday, February 29, 2016
Ah distance free day, we meet again...
[Day 60]
Today's Workout: AM CSP Practice, distance free day
Summary:
Today's Workout: AM CSP Practice, distance free day
Summary:
- WU:
- 400 swim
- 2 rounds of
- 150 free
- 100 IM
- 50 build
- all on third person rest
- 6 x 50 kick w/ fins
- 2 easy @ :55
- 2 moderate @ :50
- 2 fast @ :45
- Main Set: straight through within rounds, rest between rounds
- Round 1:
- 400 free @ 6:15
- 2 x 200 free @ 3:00
- 50 easy
- Round 2:
- 300 free @ 4:45
- 2 x 150 free @ 2:15
- 3 x 100 free @ 1:30
- 50 easy
- Round 3:
- 200 free @ 3:10
- 2 x 100 free @ 1:30
- 200 free @ 3:10
- 4 x 50 free @ :45
- WD: 100 easy
- Total Distance: 4000 SCY
Hit Rate: 64/70 (91.4%)
Notes/thoughts:
- Felt real tired today, wasn't too slow in reality given that, but it felt super sluggish. It was probably a lucky thing that the pace times were forgiving. It was one of those days where I couldn't keep the tired sounds inside of my mouth during practice. Sometimes I would touch the wall and the "bleeehhhhh" would just slip out of me. Same with riding home, there was one time when I crested over a hill and the "ugh" sound just sort of whooshed out of my mouth because I was winded. Honestly I was tired enough today that I wanted to get out about 800 into the warm up, but I just talked myself into taking it one repeat at a time. I told myself that I got credit for every lap I swam and that it was making me better, so I would try for another and another and another and eventually I got to the end of the workout.
- The sun coming up is so key to the ride home not feeling miserable.
- One definite thing I noticed today was the core weakness. My back was definitely more arched than it should've been because I had a hard time holding my body line in the water and it led to a bit of lower back soreness after practice. Nothing that lasted, but still. I haven't done core work in a while, I really need to get back on that.
Early gym sesh tomorrow morning and a run in the afternoon. Another long day of med school too. (Today was an 8:30 am to 6:00 pm day, a little bit rough.) Fingers crossed that I make it.
Much love,
Jess
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
"Sometimes I feel like I'm about to quit..."
[Day 40]
"...but it's about that time I get over it."
Thanks for the kick in the butt shuffle, I don't think I would've gotten on the bike trainer this afternoon if it weren't for that. Let's get to it!
I feel like I've been on a real hot streak recently with the swimming and I knew that it was going to end sooner or later but I didn't really dwell on it because I would have preferred later to sooner. Well today was the first roadblock I feel like I've hit in a while. It was a good run, but all good things must come to an end. I don't even know what it was, I guess I felt a little bit more tired than usual this morning and I really just couldn't get into it with the swimming. It went okay for the first half of the workout but then my lane mates all sort of left for one reason or another and the person who typically goes before me and pushes me the most in these workouts had some shoulder issues today so he just chilled it. Before you knew it, I was left finishing the set alone and whatever momentum I had been getting from just swimming around other people fizzled out pretty quickly. It sucks because I just couldn't focus on doing the best that I could do so in a lot of ways I feel let down by my tired brain more than I feel let down by my body, and I hate feeling like the limiting factor in my workouts is my brain. I feel like I should have a handle on that part of things by now, but it's hard to mentally on point every workout. Anyways, here's the summary:
Today's AM Workout: CSP practice, mid-distance free day
Summary:
"...but it's about that time I get over it."
Thanks for the kick in the butt shuffle, I don't think I would've gotten on the bike trainer this afternoon if it weren't for that. Let's get to it!
I feel like I've been on a real hot streak recently with the swimming and I knew that it was going to end sooner or later but I didn't really dwell on it because I would have preferred later to sooner. Well today was the first roadblock I feel like I've hit in a while. It was a good run, but all good things must come to an end. I don't even know what it was, I guess I felt a little bit more tired than usual this morning and I really just couldn't get into it with the swimming. It went okay for the first half of the workout but then my lane mates all sort of left for one reason or another and the person who typically goes before me and pushes me the most in these workouts had some shoulder issues today so he just chilled it. Before you knew it, I was left finishing the set alone and whatever momentum I had been getting from just swimming around other people fizzled out pretty quickly. It sucks because I just couldn't focus on doing the best that I could do so in a lot of ways I feel let down by my tired brain more than I feel let down by my body, and I hate feeling like the limiting factor in my workouts is my brain. I feel like I should have a handle on that part of things by now, but it's hard to mentally on point every workout. Anyways, here's the summary:
Today's AM Workout: CSP practice, mid-distance free day
Summary:
- WU:
- 400 swim
- 4 x 75 kick/swim/kick @ ??? (sometimes I don't pay attention to the interval and I just swim...)
- 300 pull w/ paddles
- 4 x 50 free descend 1-4 @ :50
- Main Set: straight through unless otherwise indicated
- 3 x 200 free @ 3:00
- 2 x 150 free @ 2:20-2:25
- 100 free FAST (~1:20)
- (break)
- 3 x 150 free @ 2:15
- 2 x 125 free @ 1:50-1:55
- 100 free FAST (~1:25)
- (break)
- 3 x 125 free @ 1:50-1:55
- 2 x 100 free @ 1:30
- 75 free FAST (I didn't get a time on this one)
- WD:
- 2 x 100 kick choice w/ fins @ 10SR
- 2 x 75 swim choice w/ fins @ 10SR
- 100 easy
- Total Distance: 4100 SCY
Hit Rate: 42/44 (95.4%)
Another thing worth noting is that I haven't been feeling as recovered as I typically feel after a day off. This day off was pretty special too, because it was straddled by a morning workout and an afternoon workout so I actually got 48+ hours of rest when I usually try to limit myself to around 36 hours or less, so I was expecting to feel way more refreshed yesterday and today than I've been feeling. I guess this is the point at which things really start accumulating and that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's sort of the point of endurance training. I'll have some time early next week to sort of decompress and get a bit of that out of my system anyways, so I'll just have to be tough and get through this week feeling the way I do.
The day was a little bit stressful. I just feel like I have a lot going on at school and obligations keep popping up for the remainder of the week and it makes it tough to stay focused and motivated. I'm trying not to let all that get to me, but it really does. Also anticipating Henry coming soon really doesn't help me. I just want time to pass faster so he can be here, but I also don't because I have so much to do before he gets here, and all that's sort of stressful too. Anyways, my point is that it's the kind of situation that makes me super unmotivated when it comes to getting home and jumping on the trainer for two hours. It was honestly just the last thing I wanted to do. But Henry sent me a text telling me to remember why I'm asking my body to do this for me and that song (Invincible by Our Last Night) came on and I couldn't say no to that.
Here's the fun thing about that song: it reminds me a lot of a mentality I really grew into back when I swam in high school. I knew all the girls from the other schools in our conference who were roughly my speed and roughly on my developmental trajectory as far as swimming goes. We were all a pretty tightly clustered bunch when it came to times and I was determined to come out on top every time. And the way I handled being tired and especially swimming hard practices when my body just felt awful was that I told myself that I didn't want to be able to beat these girls just on my best day, I wanted to be able to beat them every day. I wanted to be good enough that at my worst, I could beat them at their best. That's what I worked towards and it helped me hang on during the really hard days. That's sort of what that phase "I want to be invincible" meant to me, so when the song popped on, it was almost like a challenge. You're having a terrible day. What are you going to do to prove that you can come out on top even on the worst of days. Here's the summary:
Today's PM Workout: Trainer ride, 120 mins, endurance work with some speed thrown in
Summary:
- WU: 10 mins easy
- Pre-set:
- 8 x :40/:20 pick ups @ base/base/+1/+1/+2/+2/+1/+1
- 2 mins easy recovery
- Main Set:
- 20 minute steady state effort, 90+ rpm @ base
- 5 mins easy
- Speed work: 6 x (6 min efforts, 2 min recovery) broken as 2 min base @ 100 rpm, 2 min base +1 @ 90+ rpm, 1 min base +2 @ 85+ rpm, 1 min base +2 @ MAX rpm
- So I didn't hit all the targets here, I was more or less hovering around the targets instead of staying above them, see the file if you're really interested
- 20 minute steady state effort, 90+ rpm @ base
- WD: 7 mins easy
- Totals: 29.70 mi, 2:00:17, 14.8 mph average
Notes/thoughts:
- I think I have a tendency of psyching myself out sometimes when it comes to what certain cadences at certain resistances should feel like and I actually do a lot better when I'm not staring at the numbers on my watch. For the 20 minute efforts today, I literally threw a towel over my watch and handlebars and didn't look at them the entire time and just let my body figure out what the right pace to be moving at was for that kind of steady effort. It hit it pretty bang on, which I was really impressed by. And what's even better about it was that it didn't necessarily feel hard, it felt like I was in exactly the right place, whereas sometimes I think when I'm looking at those numbers I psych myself out and it actually raises perceived effort when it really shouldn't. So that was an interesting experiment.
- The interval set in the middle was something I had pulled from a workout I did last year that was a shorter overall ride. I wanted to hit it again so I sandwiched it between two steady state efforts. The base +2 cadence target was 90+ rpm before and the MAX target was specified at 100+ rpm, but it was pretty obvious I wasn't going to hit those today so I made adjustments. I don't know if it's because I had that steady state interval beforehand or if it's because I'm using a different base gear (I used to ride mostly in my small ring in front and I've shifted back to starting mostly in my big ring in front but I normally have the back gear set such that what I define as base feels like a pretty comparable effort to me, so idk what the deal is) but either way, it was more of a struggle than I was expecting it to be. (Not that it was like easy by any means last time, but I think I made more of them, so that's saying something...)
- Today was a music day. Which was interesting, I hadn't had one of those in a while. I feel like I've done a lot of podcast days or silence days, but today I felt like I really needed music to help with the motivational lapse. It did work super well. There were so many amazing songs that came on that really pushed me through. A lot of it reminded me of my high school swimming days, especially the days at school that were just rough for whatever reason and ended in me jumping in the pool and just swimming my heart out because I didn't know what else to do. I really drew from that entire set of experiences, it was a reminder that I've gotten through a lot in life and if I could get through that I could get through this. I feel like sometimes when I'm pushing my absolute hardest, that's when I'm most brutally honest about who I am and what I love and I don't feel apologetic about it which is nice. I think normally, I'm worried about being too intense or specifically being judged by other people for being too intense, but like ADTR put it "cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am". (Not gonna lie, I cried a little bit in the middle of that last 20 minute segment when this line came on. It was partly the song, partly the workout, partly the rest of life. I want to cry during hard workouts pretty frequently, I don't typically do it, but music can tip me over that edge sometimes.)
I'm tired and I need to eat dinner and study for our microbes quiz tomorrow but honestly I think I'm going to fall asleep just like sitting here in this chair. So exhausted. Lift tomorrow morning (maybe a short treadmill run tacked on if my legs are feeling okay) and swim in the PM (either rec swim or tri team practice, TBD depending on how the rest of my day goes work-wise). Hope everyone had a great Tuesday!
Much love,
Jess
Sunday, January 31, 2016
The short and the long
[Day 31]
Today was a weird day. Lots of ups and downs. Objectively speaking a pretty good day as far as everything goes, but somehow I'm still sort of disappointed. I don't really know how or why. Maybe I'm just tired. Here's the story.
So I think I woke up a little bit off. I didn't get the best sleep last night because I was out with friends and had some wine and did things like eat way too many cookies, all just generally stuff I try to avoid. Sometimes I'm really jealous that other people get to do these things, but it also doesn't feel quite right when I'm doing them either, so I dunno. It didn't feel like my best moment. I had a lot of fun and I know that's valuable, but I really struggle with not seeing that as some kind of failure on my part. I need to be a little less uptight about everything. It's hard though to stick to this kind of routine unless you're willing to be really harsh with yourself and that isn't something I can turn selectively on and off to allow for some laid back social time. Still figuring it out.
In any case, I got to run in the morning with one of my teammates which was a huge blessing. We went short and easy, another step on the ease back into running with my knee. The knee largely felt good, a little bit of aching somewhere in mile 3 but nothing bad and it resolved before we finished so I was okay with that. We had a great conversation during the run, just sort of got caught up since it'd been a while since we saw each other, and we had smoothies afterwards and stretched and it was super nice. I think that really brightened up my whole day. We're also making plans to ride outside next weekend if the weather is nice, so I'm excited about that too.
Today's AM Workout: Easy run, 4ish miles
Summary: 4.20 mi, 40:33, 9:39 pace
Pace splits by mile: 9:55, 9:45, 9:35, 9:21, 9:35
Today was a weird day. Lots of ups and downs. Objectively speaking a pretty good day as far as everything goes, but somehow I'm still sort of disappointed. I don't really know how or why. Maybe I'm just tired. Here's the story.
So I think I woke up a little bit off. I didn't get the best sleep last night because I was out with friends and had some wine and did things like eat way too many cookies, all just generally stuff I try to avoid. Sometimes I'm really jealous that other people get to do these things, but it also doesn't feel quite right when I'm doing them either, so I dunno. It didn't feel like my best moment. I had a lot of fun and I know that's valuable, but I really struggle with not seeing that as some kind of failure on my part. I need to be a little less uptight about everything. It's hard though to stick to this kind of routine unless you're willing to be really harsh with yourself and that isn't something I can turn selectively on and off to allow for some laid back social time. Still figuring it out.
In any case, I got to run in the morning with one of my teammates which was a huge blessing. We went short and easy, another step on the ease back into running with my knee. The knee largely felt good, a little bit of aching somewhere in mile 3 but nothing bad and it resolved before we finished so I was okay with that. We had a great conversation during the run, just sort of got caught up since it'd been a while since we saw each other, and we had smoothies afterwards and stretched and it was super nice. I think that really brightened up my whole day. We're also making plans to ride outside next weekend if the weather is nice, so I'm excited about that too.
Today's AM Workout: Easy run, 4ish miles
Summary: 4.20 mi, 40:33, 9:39 pace
Pace splits by mile: 9:55, 9:45, 9:35, 9:21, 9:35
Hit Rate: 32/33 (96.9%)
Only other note/thought I have about the run is that the cadence issues I was having before seem to be a non-issue right now. 171 average today, I'm chill with that.
The PM workout was rough. It was planned that way so I knew what I was signing up for. Everything about it was tough though, I think just from a mental standpoint, I had a really hard time knowing that the intervals were long and I was going to be upping the speed in x number of minutes and there were no real recoveries in the long main set and it made it hard for me to just focus on what I was doing in that moment because the weight of the whole rest of the set was hanging over my head. I'm also just genuinely not good at dealing with pain. Like when things get difficult aerobically, I feel like I have some capacity to deal with that, but when my legs are collecting lactate it's so tough for me to stay on track and that's something I'm really working to try and be better at. You'd think that as a backstroker burn in the legs would be right up my alley, but outside of that one specific context I actually really struggle with this. Anyways, here are the deets:
Today's PM Workout: Trainer ride, 120 mins, endurance work + some sprints to finish
Summary:
- WU: 10 mins easy
- Pre-set: 5 x :30/:30 spin ups
- Main Set: 5 rounds, the goal was to get them all done at base +1 gearing but it ended up being 3 rounds at base +1 and 2 rounds at base (would rather have hit the right cadences than try to be a hero)
- 5 mins low 80s rpm
- 5 mins high 80s rpm
- 5 mins 95 rpm
- (no real rests)
- 4 mins easy
- Sprints: 2 x (6 x :45/:45 MAX sprints at base +1 over 100 rpm, 2 mins recovery)
- WD: 5-6 mins easy
- Totals: 29.07 mi, 2:00:39, 14.5 mph average
Hit Rate: 33/34 (97%)
Notes/thoughts:
- Henry was pretty key to this entire thing even happening. Got a lot of support, was not allowed to quit before I finished, nagged me about staying in the right position, I need this in my life for every trainer ride lol.
- My butt really hurt today. More so than is typical...not sure if it was just because I was on the trainer for longer or what, but that sort of sucks. Need a new saddle, but don't really want to invest in one and also really don't have the time to go figure that stuff out. Maybe over the summer or something...
- Didn't quite hit the entire thing at the resistance I wanted, so it'll be another set to back pocket and try again later on in the process.
I'm really tired. Lift in the books for tomorrow morning with a short 20 minute easy run tagged onto the end. Again, hoping the knee will hold out after strength work, will see how they respond to running while tired. Enjoy what's left of the weekend! (:
Much love,
Jess
Monday, January 4, 2016
Check your ego at the door
[Day 4]
Aw yeah getting back in the gym. Feeling super weak, even by my standards (not that I was ever strong to start with). Definitely just sort of gave up on my last real lifting exercise because my arms were failing me and I can only drop weight on myself so many times while my fellow early morning gym-goers look on before I tell myself that it's probably just time to move on with my life. xD Anyways, here's the update:
Today's Workout: Gym + short treadmill run
Summary:
Notes/thoughts:
Food/shower/school time! (:
Much love,
Jess
Aw yeah getting back in the gym. Feeling super weak, even by my standards (not that I was ever strong to start with). Definitely just sort of gave up on my last real lifting exercise because my arms were failing me and I can only drop weight on myself so many times while my fellow early morning gym-goers look on before I tell myself that it's probably just time to move on with my life. xD Anyways, here's the update:
Today's Workout: Gym + short treadmill run
Summary:
- Back squats: WU 12 @ 65 lbs, 5 x 8 @ 85 lbs
- Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, 3 x 10/8/6 @ 75 lbs + drop set of 10 @ 55 lbs (last set)
- Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 95 lbs
- Pulldowns: alt. wide/narrow grip, 4 x 12 @ 6 plates
- Giant set: 3 rounds, full rest between rounds
- 12 box jumps
- 12 single arm DB shoulder press (seated today because my legs were blown) @ 15 lbs
- 12 single arm DB rows @ 35 lbs
- Incline bench: 1 complete set of 10 at 55 lbs, 1 broken set of 10 because I dropped the bar twice, then I decided to just call that a day.
- Treadmill run: easy 20 minute run (6.0-6.5 speed)
- Treadmill stats: 2.15 mi, 21:20
- Garmin stats: 2.03 mi, 21:08, 10:23 pace
- Core/mobility superset: 3 rounds
- 12/side of cable low to high core pulls @ 2 plates
- 20 bodyweight band squats
- Total Time: ~ 1:45
Notes/thoughts:
- My legs were getting wrecked by the squats. They just wanted to keep seizing between sets so I had to stretch a lot. Protecting my back during that lift actually loads my legs a lot more, which I guess is the idea, but it's sad that it makes me functionally weaker. Probably going to up reps before I try to up weight, I want to make sure that I'm lifting right and I won't throw out my back again.
- Deadlifting today was the first time I'd done that since I injured myself way back in May or whenever it was. I went real light, not very many reps or sets, just want to get back into the swing of it and make sure I'm teaching myself how to protect my back through the lift. We'll see how my back feels the rest of the day and tomorrow, but as of right now, it's perfectly normal so hopefully things stay that way.
- I was pretty much ready to go home by the time I was doing pulldowns. Maybe it was because my forearms were feeling really destroyed and that always makes me just grouchy, but I'm amazed I then got through the rest of the workout somehow. There were a couple roadblocks today, including how I felt during the pulldowns and dropping weight on myself during incline bench, and yet somehow I stuck it out and finished which really amazes me. It was like one of the bad long runs, I just kept telling myself to do one more set or to run for one more song and eventually I was at the end. Good job Jess. (:
- Running after lifting sucks. As does lifting after running. Which I guess is why it's important to do both things separately and together. Separately so neither thing gets compromised, together to get better at running on tired legs and maintaining strength even when you're aerobically drained.
- I'm really not happy with where I'm at in terms of fitness (probably because it's day 2 of real training) but I was very happy with the effort today. I could have probably totally justified doing less and just going home early, but I didn't, and I'm glad I got through it.
Food/shower/school time! (:
Much love,
Jess
Labels:
back injury,
deadlifts,
ego,
feeling weak,
gym,
lift,
pushing through,
run,
strength,
tired legs
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Some days are just tough
And you have to fight through them. It's odd for me to have two tough days in a row. Things typically bounce back the day after a hard day, but I guess not this time. After not feeling great yesterday and truncating a workout, I got to masters practice this morning and spent most of the workout wanting to cry. Honestly I woke up feeling fine and figured I would have an average swim if not the best swim in the world, but there were a bunch of factors at play and it didn't turn out too great.
For one it was a great turnout today, which is awesome on one hand, but also crowds the pool and pushes some faster swimmers into the lane that I typically swim in. Not only am I currently slower than I had been most of the current year but my lane was also faster than it typically is, which made me feel pretty horrible for being the last one into the wall by a significant amount every time. I know that really no one cares or judges and I'm probably not holding the workout up by that much, but it just doesn't feel great. My discomfort with being last by a significant margin surprises me a little bit though. I've been in this position a lot in my life. I know that you have to have a certain degree of comfort with being in this position in order to progress. You don't get faster leading a lane that doesn't challenge you. Playing catch up is always how I've always improved. So it's strange that I don't like doing it right now. It's probably because I don't feel like I'm where I should be. If I felt like my swimming was the best that it could be right now, I would accept being slow, but I know I can do so much better and underperforming alongside being the slowest in our workout group is just rough.
As far as being slow right now goes, a lot of it comes down to not having the same kind of upper body and core strength as I used to. I let some of that go for the run training and due to the back injury which has kept me out of the gym, and the swimming has definitely slipped because of it. I also just don't have the same kind of sprint power I used to or the technical skill in terms of stroke efficiency/turns/etc. Part of that is probably because long course didn't lend itself to really pushing myself and part of it is wrapped up in the fact that I just haven't been swimming as much and everything down to my lung capacity is feeling it. All in all, my swimming just hasn't felt great.
Finally, there was the whole issue of expectations. It was sprint day, I guess I was just expecting nice easy short sets and there ended up being an early set of 5 x 200s with pickups in the middle on a 1:30 base (which would have been a piece of cake 4 or 5 months ago but is quite the struggle now) that just knocked all the confidence out of my person. I felt especially terrible when some of the other swimmers in my lane chose to put paddles on and basically left me in the dust despite the fact that I was still making the intervals. It was rough. There was literally nothing I wanted more than to just get out and go home in the middle of that set. But I got through it (because really what other choice did I have?) and things got a little bit easier from there on out. One of my lane mates who I swim with pretty frequently at masters practice could definitely tell that I was out of it and feeling discouraged today so he made a big point of turning back and saying encouraging things like "time for the fast one!" or "almost finished!" in a very peppy manner every once in a while between intervals. That really helped keep me going. It made me feel like someone was rooting for me and that meant a lot.
In any case, here's the summary!
Today's Workout: AM CSP practice, sprint free day
Summary:
Tomorrow is the day off! We made it! Weekend plans are yet to be confirmed because the weather is being questionable. I'll keep you posted. Time for Pats vs. Dolphins! Let's go Patriots! (:
For one it was a great turnout today, which is awesome on one hand, but also crowds the pool and pushes some faster swimmers into the lane that I typically swim in. Not only am I currently slower than I had been most of the current year but my lane was also faster than it typically is, which made me feel pretty horrible for being the last one into the wall by a significant amount every time. I know that really no one cares or judges and I'm probably not holding the workout up by that much, but it just doesn't feel great. My discomfort with being last by a significant margin surprises me a little bit though. I've been in this position a lot in my life. I know that you have to have a certain degree of comfort with being in this position in order to progress. You don't get faster leading a lane that doesn't challenge you. Playing catch up is always how I've always improved. So it's strange that I don't like doing it right now. It's probably because I don't feel like I'm where I should be. If I felt like my swimming was the best that it could be right now, I would accept being slow, but I know I can do so much better and underperforming alongside being the slowest in our workout group is just rough.
As far as being slow right now goes, a lot of it comes down to not having the same kind of upper body and core strength as I used to. I let some of that go for the run training and due to the back injury which has kept me out of the gym, and the swimming has definitely slipped because of it. I also just don't have the same kind of sprint power I used to or the technical skill in terms of stroke efficiency/turns/etc. Part of that is probably because long course didn't lend itself to really pushing myself and part of it is wrapped up in the fact that I just haven't been swimming as much and everything down to my lung capacity is feeling it. All in all, my swimming just hasn't felt great.
Finally, there was the whole issue of expectations. It was sprint day, I guess I was just expecting nice easy short sets and there ended up being an early set of 5 x 200s with pickups in the middle on a 1:30 base (which would have been a piece of cake 4 or 5 months ago but is quite the struggle now) that just knocked all the confidence out of my person. I felt especially terrible when some of the other swimmers in my lane chose to put paddles on and basically left me in the dust despite the fact that I was still making the intervals. It was rough. There was literally nothing I wanted more than to just get out and go home in the middle of that set. But I got through it (because really what other choice did I have?) and things got a little bit easier from there on out. One of my lane mates who I swim with pretty frequently at masters practice could definitely tell that I was out of it and feeling discouraged today so he made a big point of turning back and saying encouraging things like "time for the fast one!" or "almost finished!" in a very peppy manner every once in a while between intervals. That really helped keep me going. It made me feel like someone was rooting for me and that meant a lot.
In any case, here's the summary!
Today's Workout: AM CSP practice, sprint free day
Summary:
- WU: 450 swim (should have been 600, I got in a tad late)
- Main Set:
- 5 x 100 free @ 1:30, moderate w/ head down sprint last 12.5
- 5 x 200 free @ 3:00, moderate w/ head down sprints at the end of each 100 (I didn't do the pick ups, I was just trying to make the interval)
- 4 x 50 free MAX @ 1:00
- 200 easy
- 4 x 100 kick w/ fins @ 1:30, focus on the jump off the walls
- 10 x 50 free @ 1:00
- 1, 4, 7, 10 MAX
- The rest moderate focusing on where you would breathe in a sprint 50 (breath control)
- 100 easy
- WD: 4 x 75 @ 1:15, moderate, first 25 breath control
- Total Distance: 3650 SCY
Hit Rate: 9/10 (90%)
Tomorrow is the day off! We made it! Weekend plans are yet to be confirmed because the weather is being questionable. I'll keep you posted. Time for Pats vs. Dolphins! Let's go Patriots! (:
Much love,
Jess
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Accepting your limits
There are a couple of big factors that I think have really shaped my mentality and the way I approach life nowadays. I grew up with Asian parents who were big on telling me exactly where I stood both in terms of my abilities/talents/limitations and in terms of my work ethic. I was smart and not very hard-working when it came to school, I had a moderate amount of musical ability but again no work ethic when it came to piano, I had no talent and an average amount of work ethic when it came to dance, I had a tiny bit of talent and a lot of work ethic when it came to swimming. Unlike a lot of parents, my parents weren't really "process" parents. They didn't see it as my job to try my best on everything. I think they knew that if I were to throw myself at everything 100%, I would burn out super quickly because I have the capacity to invest myself in things too fully. At the same time, they also made it very clear that in the arenas of life where I was capable and fell short because I didn't work hard enough, that was on me. I think the message at the end of the day was always to set goals and know exactly where I want to be and balance the talent/work division in such a way that I got there without wrecking myself.
The other big factor is that I grew up as an endurance athlete. I lived within the confines of a sport that rewards the kind of work ethic that doesn't stop for anything. It's hard to be successful as a swimmer. You put in a lot of hours, your easy days are few and far between because the sport is so low impact, you're sore pretty much all the time because the sport is year-round and even with periodization, you don't really get many real breaks from the grind. A few big things that I took away from those years are that (a) accomplishing what you want to accomplish can be really difficult and (b) you are deeper than you think (as is everyone else, so if you want to keep up, you'd better be working).
I think all of this has put me in a place where I honestly believe that when my dreams are big (by my standards) and are the kinds of dreams that require a lot on the work end to make up for a lack of talent on the talent end, I feel like I always have to be working at the edge of what I'm capable of. And the biggest problem I have with that right now is that I can't define that edge very clearly, and even when I can, I don't necessarily want to acknowledge it. One of the things you learn from going to practice day in and day out is that your brain always wants you to quit before your body really will, so it doesn't matter how much it hurts or how hard it is, you just have to suck it up and keep pushing. It's never been okay to just stop and rest, because even though that might make things easier or the rest of your workout faster, it's going to stall your progress in the long run.
But then real life steps in, and strangely enough my earliest interactions with physical exhaustion have all come in the form of swim practice. So when I'm exhausted in real life and I have a list of things I should be doing but I just want to take a break and recharge a bit, I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of letting myself do that because it's like quitting in the middle of a set. Physical exhaustion always feels like something I should just be able to push through and when I can't do it, it makes me feel like I've really failed.
Why am I here writing this thing? Yesterday was a tough day. It ended really rough for me and I ended up just staying up really late crying over how exhausted I was and how I really couldn't face this day up ahead because there was so much to do (including an early morning workout). Logically, all that says is that I should take the day off and cut myself some slack for not being perfect while taking recovery more seriously than I am right now, but in my heart it just feels like I've failed. It feels like I stopped pushing and let go in the middle of a set I should have fought through.
Regardless, I guess the point is this: I slept in this morning. I will not be working out today. I'm pushing the gym session back to tomorrow and making a few adjustments to the rest of the week. I didn't have a rest day planned this week so it really doesn't hurt to take one (so no hit against the hit rate), especially since I haven't actually taken a full day off since the half and this will probably be good for me in the grand scheme of things. I thought these thoughts were worth the update. I'm sure I'll come back to them at some point in the future and they'll ring true for another day later in the cycle. Wish me luck with the rest of the day. I'm going to try to be the best that I can be, even if I didn't get off on as good of a start as I had wanted.
Much love,
Jess
The other big factor is that I grew up as an endurance athlete. I lived within the confines of a sport that rewards the kind of work ethic that doesn't stop for anything. It's hard to be successful as a swimmer. You put in a lot of hours, your easy days are few and far between because the sport is so low impact, you're sore pretty much all the time because the sport is year-round and even with periodization, you don't really get many real breaks from the grind. A few big things that I took away from those years are that (a) accomplishing what you want to accomplish can be really difficult and (b) you are deeper than you think (as is everyone else, so if you want to keep up, you'd better be working).
I think all of this has put me in a place where I honestly believe that when my dreams are big (by my standards) and are the kinds of dreams that require a lot on the work end to make up for a lack of talent on the talent end, I feel like I always have to be working at the edge of what I'm capable of. And the biggest problem I have with that right now is that I can't define that edge very clearly, and even when I can, I don't necessarily want to acknowledge it. One of the things you learn from going to practice day in and day out is that your brain always wants you to quit before your body really will, so it doesn't matter how much it hurts or how hard it is, you just have to suck it up and keep pushing. It's never been okay to just stop and rest, because even though that might make things easier or the rest of your workout faster, it's going to stall your progress in the long run.
But then real life steps in, and strangely enough my earliest interactions with physical exhaustion have all come in the form of swim practice. So when I'm exhausted in real life and I have a list of things I should be doing but I just want to take a break and recharge a bit, I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of letting myself do that because it's like quitting in the middle of a set. Physical exhaustion always feels like something I should just be able to push through and when I can't do it, it makes me feel like I've really failed.
Why am I here writing this thing? Yesterday was a tough day. It ended really rough for me and I ended up just staying up really late crying over how exhausted I was and how I really couldn't face this day up ahead because there was so much to do (including an early morning workout). Logically, all that says is that I should take the day off and cut myself some slack for not being perfect while taking recovery more seriously than I am right now, but in my heart it just feels like I've failed. It feels like I stopped pushing and let go in the middle of a set I should have fought through.
Regardless, I guess the point is this: I slept in this morning. I will not be working out today. I'm pushing the gym session back to tomorrow and making a few adjustments to the rest of the week. I didn't have a rest day planned this week so it really doesn't hurt to take one (so no hit against the hit rate), especially since I haven't actually taken a full day off since the half and this will probably be good for me in the grand scheme of things. I thought these thoughts were worth the update. I'm sure I'll come back to them at some point in the future and they'll ring true for another day later in the cycle. Wish me luck with the rest of the day. I'm going to try to be the best that I can be, even if I didn't get off on as good of a start as I had wanted.
Much love,
Jess
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