No apologies...

[Day 160]

...For being missing for a few days this time. I was busy enjoying my weekend and I don't do that often enough so I'm glad I just let myself go and did whatever this weekend. And then I started work on Monday so things have been busy managing life and real work hours. That having been said, I do owe you/myself some training/race updates so let's get to it! (:

Skipped the swim on Friday morning because I had cramps Thursday night and wasn't sleeping well, took the Friday evening interval workout as planned, did a way better job than I thought I would and was really happy about that.

Friday's Workout: PM interval run, main set of 2 x 1 mi @ 10k pace (7:35-7:50) w/ 3 mins rest, 3-4 x ½ mi @ 5k pace (7:05-7:20) w/ 3 mins rest (walking rests)
Summary:

• Totals: 7.27 mi, 1:11:23, 9:50 average pace
• 1 mi splits: 7:40.2, 7:38.4
• 1/2 mi splits: 3:35.6 (7:11), 3:37.4 (7:15), 3:34.9 (7:10), 3:36.4 (7:13)

Hit Rate: 21/28 (75%)

Took Saturday off as planned so I could be ready to try and run fast on Sunday! At which I was sort of successful. Went a 23:17 (official time), which wasn't what I had hoped it would be (was aiming for a 22 something) but I feel okay about it. Aimed high, fell short, still came away with a PB which I'm not gonna complain about.

Sunday's race official: 5k, 23:17, 7:30 pace

Sunday's race via Garmin: 3.14 mi, 23:24, 7:27 pace, 182 spm average

Pace splits by mile: 7:24, 7:22, 7:42, 6:36

Hit Rate: 22/29 (75.8%)

Thoughts about the race: It was harder than I thought it was gonna be. It was a rainy cool day, which played to my advantage, no wind which was good, but I just didn't have enough in me for the third mile. The first mile felt strong, the second mile took a little pushing to hold pace and I really genuinely thought I could sustain that effort through mile three but I just didn't have it. I think I did mentally quit a little bit when it got tough and I settled for something in the 7:40 range when I probably shouldn't have, but really there was genuinely not much left in my legs at that point. Henry has a wonderful (read: awful) finish line photo of me and the look on my face is just such a disaster. I push my jaw forward when I'm in a lot of pain because it helps me restrict the tension to my face so it doesn't tighten up my shoulders when I'm running, but it looks so terrible, you can tell I'm just absolutely dying. In any case, it was what I had to give. 

For reference, when I ran this race last year, my splits were 7:25, 7:43, 7:50 so I was able to really improve on that seeing as I can hold that first mile pace for another mile now. The next time we do this (early July), the goal will be to see it through for all three miles. We'll see how it goes. For now, I'll take the PB and move on.

Monday's Workout: AM easy/base run, 8 mi

Summary: 8.44 mi, 1:23:53, 9:56 pace, 172 spm

Pace splits by mile: 10:08, 10:12, 10:12, 10:04, 9:55, 9:49, 9:43, 9:48, 9:07

Hit Rate: 23/30 (76.6%)

This one felt bad. It was a fasted morning workout the day after a race, what was I expecting really? I just felt sluggish the whole way, it felt like a struggle just finishing, although the splits will speak to the fact that I did seem to get warmer after the first four miles and things were incrementally improving as the run went on. In any case, it was just a run I took to get some more miles in, and that was all I needed from it.

Tuesday's Workout: AM CMSC practice, mid-distance free day

Summary:

• WU: 400 swim, 3 x 100 swim
• Pre-set: 4 x 150 @ 10-15 SR, 50 kk/50 dr/50 sw
• Main Set:
• 6 x 50 @ 10SR, odds build to 80%, evens hold 80%
• 3 x 200 @ base (3:10), descend 1-3
• 4 x 50 @ 10SR, odds build to 80%, evens hold 80%
• 3 x 200 @ base +5 (3:20), descend 1-3
• 2 x 50 @ 10SR, odds build to 80%, evens hold 80%
• 1 x 200 @ base +10 (3:30) - this was 3 x 200, descend 1-3 as written but we ran out of time
• WD: 100 easy
• Total Distance: 3400 LCM

Hit Rate: 24/31 (77.4%)

I was not a happy camper about going to this practice. I had been really emotionally upset about a lot of things the night before, although Henry did eventually get me to sleep. I didn't get a ton of sleep, I had actually planned on not going, but I woke up around 4:50 and I would've felt awful if I just went back to sleep so I sucked it up and went to practice. I really wasn't feeling it at all. I swam in the 1:35 base lane, turns out that the pace times are fine although everyone in the lane is super super fast which made me feel kind of crappy because I just like hung off the back 10-15 seconds behind everyone else and it's sort of obvious that I'm really slow. I couldn't really find a good excuse to leave the lane though. Honestly the slower lane is just way too slow and it wasn't like I was missing pace times or getting lapped so I felt like I just needed to suck up my pride and put my head down and do the work. 

In reality though "doing the work" was really just finishing. I didn't try that hard, I didn't actually descend anything, I just swam and made the pace times and that's all I did. I actually really wanted to leave like pretty much immediately after the warm up, and I kept saying to myself, "Okay I'll leave after this set", but I never did. I just kept saying it after each little bit of the set and at some point it was like, "Oh it's actually time to leave". So yeah, I got through it somehow. Only other notable thing was that I had that right shoulder kink again during warm up, but it actually didn't bother me at all during the set (my swimming was probably higher quality during the set), so hopefully it stays better.

This morning I skipped practice, just didn't feel like going, so this is happening...Hit Rate: 24/32 (75%) And this PM, I took a run!

Today's Workout: PM base run

Summary: 8.42 mi, 1:14:21, 8:50 pace, 173 spm average

Pace splits by mile: 8:55, 8:51, 9:03, 8:56, 8:45, 8:47, 8:48, 8:55, 7:55

Hit Rate: 25/33 (75.7%)

This was supposed to be a tempo run, but I've decided that I really don't care. There is so much in the world that I do care about and feeling the weight of expectations tethered to all of my workouts was really getting to me. I would like to go back to that phase of my college club swim career where all I did was show up to as many practices as was reasonable given whatever else was going on in my life and racing on random weekends knowing I was going to swim terribly and actually swimming terribly and having a blast doing it anyways. I want to be fit enough to race and enjoy the experience of racing. Improving and dropping time and winning things on the occasion is fantastic, but it takes so much out of me in order to do that. Sometimes you just have to decide when things aren't worth it anymore. I want to have mental and physical energy to put towards my clinic work and my studying and the time I have to spend with Henry and friends. I want my life to drift a little more closer to normal because I've been getting tastes of it here and there recently and I really like that. I want to keep racing and training because I love it, but I don't want either of those things to feel like a chore. It was starting to feel like a chore. So I'm gonna drop the expectations and the run training plan and just swim and run and try to do things because they're good for me and because I love them. I've never been good at that, but I'm gonna try. I'll still keep "planning" in the sense that I'll pen things into the calendar ahead of time because if I have no structure I'll just spend all my time napping, but it'll be flexible and there will be no demands on the kinds of workouts I have to do. Gonna keep working on that whole balance thing.

In any case, with regards to the actual run today, it felt sort of interesting...I knew it was a comfortable pace mentally just from the info I was getting from my legs and from my heart rate and breathing rate and what not, but it really never felt comfortable. I have a bit of a head cold so my nose is simultaneously really runny while feeling really dry and I've been coughing so my airway is a little irritated and the end result is that I think that's why I never got comfortable. It's hard to be comfortable with a head cold. The weather was cool though and the pace was quick in a very relaxed way and I was surprised that I was able to take a run at this kind of distance at this kind of pace and have it feel as good as it did. I really hope that's not an anomalous thing, I really hope my natural running pace is just coming up bit by bit. It'll take a lot of time to sort that out though, I'll try not to read too much into one run.

The plan as of right now for tomorrow is morning swim practice and a run with Henry in the evening. We'll see what actually happens. Happy Wednesday! (:

Much love,

Jess

Finding that swim groove

My swimming has felt pretty off since getting back into the pool but today things started coming together in the latter half of the workout and that's something I'm really grateful for. I was planning on hitting up a stroke workout tomorrow as well, but I'm really more feeling a gym and soft brick treadmill run in the morning and a long trainer session in the evening (gotta kill time waiting for Henry to get in). It's unfortunate in that it means I likely won't see the pool again until next Monday and taking only one swim this week is really less than ideal, but the way I see it is that the planning and the balance doesn't mean anything if you're not enjoying yourself. I really want to look forward to the workouts I'm doing and even though I would usually be all about a stroke workout, I'm really not feeling it. I figure lifting will at least involve some upper body work, so I won't be letting that drag behind completely and hopefully that will be enough to hold me over until next Monday when I get my next crack at the pool. I want to lift and I want to be training in a sustainable way and part of maintaining that sustainability is indulging myself sometimes when I want to mix up my schedule in a perhaps not entirely balanced way. Or at least that's how I'm justifying this decision to myself. In any case, here was this morning's swim:

Today's Workout: CSP practice, mid-distance freestyle day.
Summary:

• WU: 400 free, 8 x 50 free build (not to a sprint, just to fast) @ 1:00
• Main Set:
• 3 x 200 free moderate @ 3:30
• 4 x 50 free strong 200 pace @ :55
• 200 free strong
• 2 x 50 free slightly faster @ :55
• 100 free MAX
• 8 x 50 kick w/ fins @ :55, 15 m fast breakout fly kick, middle backstroke moderate, last 15 m MAX (written as 10 x 50, but we had to catch up to the other lanes so we skipped 2…)
• 100 easy
• 4 x 200 free @ 3:45
• 1 - fast
• 2 - 50 mod/150 fast
• 3 - 100 mod/100 fast
• 4 - 150 mod/50 MAX
• 4 x 50 free easy-mod @ :55
• WD: 4 x 50 free counting strokes (not really DPS…) @ :55
• Total Distance: 3700 LCM (3800 LCM as written)

Hit rate: 37/40 (92.5%)

It's nice to have some down time this evening without workout obligations. I have to keep reminding myself that a single workout per day for a few days in a row is perfectly acceptable. I'm so used to doubling that it seems outrageous that I'm doing so little. My body feels nice and well-rested though, which I appreciate and know is probably good for me. It's all about the little things in life right?

Much love,
Jess

Chasing Consistency

I feel like my big complaint about last year as a training year was lack of consistency. The thing about success at any endurance sport (and I count competitive swimming amongst them, because it's true for that too) is that you need to be consistent with your training in order to make progress. Sure, the stalling that comes with hiccups in training is possible to overcome, but it's difficult and comparably more mentally and physically taxing than it needs to be. Usually being consistent wins out in the long run.

The problem I've started realizing recently though is that as a normal human being trying to balance my normal human being life with trying to progress at my sport is that consistency is oftentimes hard to come by. Looking back on the last year, consistency was hard to find because of travel for medical school interviews, then travel for my long distance relationship, then summer things that included spending time with friends and family and moving out to St. Louis. Looking ahead to the next year, there's my erratic August orientation schedule, travel to Asia over Winter Break, my upcoming wedding next summer and Henry moving out to St. Louis, and probably other things that will pop up whenever they feel like it. Looking even further ahead, there'll be my changing schedule from year to year (and rotation to rotation), Step I, and who knows what else. I won't always be able to settle into that consistent schedule that I want, because like I talked about in an earlier post, the priority in my life is realistically not training. And that's okay.

I guess today's situation is related in some ways and unrelated in others. I was planning on taking a swim in the morning, but my period started today and my mother really doesn't want me swimming through my period. I've had a lot of issues with stomach cramps this year and she knows the cold and the exertion make it a lot worse. If I was still seriously swimming competitively like I did when I was younger, she would have understood the need to be at practice and let me go. But she's a firm believer that my priority should on my health and not on my performance (she thinks I train too much and too hard as is) and I'm willing to oblige her while I'm living in her house. The more the day goes on and the worse my cramps get, the more I am glad I am obliging her.

In any case, what I'm trying to get at is that while I'm here, my priority isn't training, it's family. Part of that means making time for them and making sure I have the energy to spend quality time with them but part of that also means trying to balance their needs with my needs. Living by my mother's rules for a few days is a part of me trying to satisfy her needs. So for the next few days, I won't be swimming like I planned. I don't even know that I'll be running like I planned. I'll just play it by ear day to day and see what happens.

The problem with that plan is that it starts to knock down at the consistency I've been building towards this month though, and that's a disappointment. But I think acknowledging that consistency is difficult to find in a life where training really does take a back seat to a lot of other priorities (and acknowledging that it's okay for training to be taking a back seat, it doesn't mean I'm not a committed, hard-working person) will be important for me moving forwards in terms of getting comfortable with the inevitable hiccups in the schedule that generally seem so frustrating to me. They are all part of the part-time athlete act and that's perfectly okay because it's just that: part-time.

So I'm going to work around it and move forwards and accept that consistency is a great goal to have but you don't always meet every single goal. That's the point of the 80-90% rule; do your best as often as you can and don't worry about the rest. (I'm also not even penalizing my numbers these next few days with that rule, there will be no adding or taking away from the hit rate regardless of what I do since they're planned as flexible days.) I am going to really try to be consistent moving into the fall triathlons seeing as those races are important to me, but if there are any more unexpected hiccups in the road, I will try to face them with the same attitude I'm facing these next few days with. Really working on having the right mentality and keeping training a positive experience. (:

Much love,
Jess

PS - A quick note on the recovery front: Mom has been rubbing out my legs sporadically throughout the day while I'm functionally disabled from stomach cramps and it's been wonderful but they're still sore. The joint pain is mostly gone although my knees have been flaring up occasionally when I'm lying down. Still mostly better than I was expecting though, I've had much worse from hard gym days so this I can live with.

Teammates: When excellence becomes an imperative

I realized something today on my walk home from my morning swim: It's hard to be dedicated to working hard day in and day out when it seems like the exception instead of the norm. Part of what makes having a team so valuable is that you see a group of other people who work hard day in and day out just like you do, and it makes the effort and commitment and dedication the norm. It means that if you want to be better than any of the others, you have to not only show up at every single practice but also be focused and hard-working and driven constantly. The situation forces consistency and it forces you to push yourself because you constantly see everyone around you doing the same. It makes excellence an imperative in that showing up every day and giving it your all every workout is simply the expected minimum within the circle that you run in.

The real world is hard in a way because to the average on-looker, I train a lot. In my mind I feel like I'm hitting bare minimums for what I want to do, I'm not even approaching the average of what I should be doing, but to everyone else, that level of effort is commendable. And over time, I really want to buy into that. I really want to pat myself on the back for a short mediocre workout because hey, at least I wasn't just sitting on the couch. There are a lot of ways in which high expectations are extremely exhausting and difficult but at least they keep you accountable and force you to push yourself. The low expectations are hard in their own way because they sap motivation from me and allow me to accept less than my best, which really isn't something I want to get in the habit of doing.

It's a fine line to toe I guess, the balance between the expectations I had for myself in my former life as a competitive swimmer and my current life as an adult who enjoys racing and training but knows that it's always going to be just a hobby. I wish I could push myself back into that mindset where the hours and the struggle and having my body hurt all the time was just normal so I can stop throwing myself pity parties because my legs ache and burn and I just don't want to push hard during my workout today. Still trying to figure out how to go about making that happen, beyond just yelling at myself internally to be mentally tougher.

In any case, I took a swim today, cut it way short because I really wasn't feeling it. In some ways I'm impressed I made it as far as I did, because I didn't want to go, and I wanted to leave after warm up, but at least I got through half of what I had planned before I threw in the towel. On the other hand, I knew that if I had a team or a coach I wouldn't have been allowed to just quit. I would've finished it out and been better for it. So on one hand I'm accepting of what happened today, on the other hand, I'm disappointed. I've sort of lowered my standards for myself a bit this week because I want to be calm and rested and in a good place mentally going into racing on the weekend, but I really want to get back in the habit of expecting great things from myself at all times once I'm in St. Louis and settled down into my new med student life. Here's the set:

Today's Workout: AM recovery swim

• WU: 1000 SKIPS
• Main Set:
• 5 x 100 free @ 1:45
• 5 x 100 IM @ 2:00
• WD: 200 pull, 200 kick, 200 swim
• Total Distance: 2500 SCM

Hit rate: 15/17 (88.2%)

That's all for now. Will take runs tomorrow and Thursday, Friday off, short run on Saturday, and race on Sunday! Then we'll talk a brief recovery break and some serious triathlon training.

Much love,
Jess