Despite the best of intentions...

[Day 50B]

...We all fall short sometimes.

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm going to narrate the workout again. I ended up taking the ride earlier rather than later because I knew it would weigh heavy on my mind all day if I left it til the afternoon, so I hopped on the trainer not too long after breakfast. Yesterday, I had figured breaking up the set with 2 minutes of rest between efforts and only aiming for 3 instead of 5 rounds would change things, but apparently not. Just as a reminder, the rounds were at base +1 gearing, 5 minutes at 80-85 rpm, 5 minutes at 85-90 rpm, 5 minutes at 90-95 rpm continuous. I got through the first 15 minutes interval and it was brutal as to be expected and I just caved on the second one within the first five minutes. I told myself I wasn't allowed to quit on it, so I took some extra rest and went again. I made it through the first five minutes, quit within the first 2 minutes of the 85-90 rpm interval. And again, I told myself I wasn't gonna let that stand. So I went again. Same thing, 6 minutes in and my brain was out.

At this point I thought, okay maybe we need a change of plans. I can get through the first bit. Let's break the rest of it up too. So I tried to do just a single 5 minute interval at 85-90 rpm. Failed two minutes in on my first try. Reset. Tried again and made it. It wasn't comfortable, but I made it. So I thought okay, same thing, 90-95 rpm. Broke on the first one. Reset. Tried again. Hit it on the second try, imperfectly so far as staying in zone went, but I made it. On that last one, I really tried to just sink my teeth into how much it hurt instead of hiding from it. I basically found the tempo and closed my eyes and buried myself into that feeling and somehow I got through those five minutes. At this point, I was about 80 minutes in and I thought about finishing out with sprints but honestly I couldn't bring myself to do it after trying and failing with the main set bunch of times so I just warmed down and called it a day.

I'm starting to realize that this set is genuinely really hard. I've never been great at maintaining effort on long sets and that's really what this comes down to. Once again I find myself in the position of having to re-visit what I need to do in order to accomplish this. I don't want to spend more workouts struggling through things like this and losing structure when I fail out of the set because that doesn't help me build the kind of specific fitness I'm trying to get. So I think the next time I ride on the trainer, the target set will be the same warm up as today (20 minutes instead of 15), one round of 5/5/5 like I did today, then three more rounds following the same pattern but at 3/3/3, 2/2/2, and 1/1/1 with 2 minutes between each round. If I make it that far and I'm feeling okay, I want to take an extra 2 minutes of rest and hit the 5/5/5 broken like I did today to finish out (with 2 minute rests between each 5 minute segment?). Maybe tack on a single set of six sprints. Even looking at that, it sounds ambitious, but that's how I like to plan workouts. Aim high, then every once in a while I get to surprise myself. I'm also realizing that it's gonna take me a long time to work up to being able to do this right again. But that's okay, I'm willing to be patient and put my head down and work to get there.

I have a profoundly new appreciation for hard I was pushed the last time I did this. Henry honestly put the team on his back because I can't work myself that hard without him. It's incredible what that kind of presence does for your ability to look at pain straight in the eye and say I won't let this beat me. It's crazy. I can't wait to have him around full time to push me. It'll be brutal but it'll make me so much better.

In the meantime, I have a chance to work on being mentally tough on my own and not letting fear hold me back. I'm going to get there, if nothing else today showed me that even when I'm failing I still know how to be tenacious and get back up and get after it. I didn't do what I set out to do but I didn't let myself off the hook for it either. I didn't run, I didn't hide, I adjusted and I tried again and again until I reached a point that I was somewhat satisfied with. I'm going to get there. It's gonna take time but I'm going to get there.

The only other comment I have to make is that I'm also realizing that I have to reassess how I judge my running and biking fitness. I'm good about being more reasonable when I'm judging swim fitness because I've been doing it long enough to know that it takes a huge amount of work to make even the slightest bit of progress. I try to be at my best every single day, but when I have a fluke awesome day, I'm good at realizing that more likely than not it's a fluke and I don't expect to be that awesome every day that follows. Sometimes I'm wrong and I do genuinely get better. But sometimes I'm right too, and it helps keep my head in check.

With running and biking, I have a tendency of expecting every day to be like my best days. For some reason (probably because I'm still new), I see that as the bar, and there are some ways in which that helps push me, but there are many more ways in which it probably holds me back. It's important to know where I'm really at physically in order to tune the training to a reasonable level. At some point, continuously overextending is just not going to benefit my fitness. I'm starting to realize that the one Sunday when I hit this workout was probably a fluke day in which my legs probably far out-performed what they're genuinely capable of. The end goal of course is to be able to do this on any normal day, but I'm going to have to work up to it at a reasonable rate instead of just diving in and thinking that I can mentally muscle my way through it. That's not how fitness works. You can't hide shortage of fitness by trying harder, you have to do the work to build it up to that point. So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be patient and trust in the work and I'm gonna get there.

Today's Workout: Trainer ride, 90 mins
Summary: Imperfect summary but this is functionally what happened

• WU: 
• 10 mins easy
• 8 x :30/:30 spin ups 
• 2 mins easy
• Main Set: pretty arbitrary rest breaks (2-5 minutes) between rounds/sets and some failed attempts thrown in there
• 5/5/5 @ 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm (base +1)
• 4 x 5, 2 @ 80-85 rpm, 1 @ 85-90 rpm, 1 @ 90-95 rpm (base +1)
• WD: ~10 mins easy
• Totals: 20.48 mi, 1:30:38, 13.6 mph average

Hit Rate: 54/58 (93.1%)

Let's do the rest of this Friday. (:

Much love,

Jess

A note to sad/tired/upset/frustrated/discouraged Jess

[Day 34B]

I've definitely written letters to myself on this page before, but I'm too lazy to go look up what those contents are so I'm starting fresh right here. Days like today are a big part of the reason I even keep this log: there were valuable things to be taken from this day and I want to be able to look back on this during the moments when I really need it. Disclaimer: this post is going to be long and possibly too touchy-feely, so if you're not about that, you can stop reading (all I did was run a boring slow 5 miler this afternoon, you're not missing out on anything I promise). But if you're curious about some of the things that go through my head on a good day, read on! (And if you're future-Jess, having a rough day for whatever reason, please be willing to really hear these words from past-Jess. They're important and they're honest and I want you to listen and believe and find your spark again.) Let's start with the recap:

Today's PM Workout: Easy run, 5 mi
Summary: 5.01 mi, 51:28, 10:16 average pace
Pace splits by mile: 9:46, 10:23, 10:21, 10:32, 10:19
Hit Rate: 37/38 (97.3%)

Run specific notes (and some random details about my day):

• It's been a long day. I started the day at 4:50 am, spent some time studying, hit up the pool, showered and dealt with emails, went grocery shopping, came home, ate lunch, studied some more, had my clinical mentoring session, immediately went out for a run, ate dinner, interviewed a (super impressive and lovely) Princeton applicant, and now I'm here. It's been a crazy day. As such...
• I was tired on the run, the kind of tired where even though I was running, my eyes kept trying to fall shut and stay shut. My body has also honestly felt a little bit off the past day or two, but that's not really my point. I was tired. 
• Given that I was tired, I ran based purely off of effort. I checked my watch, I knew how slow I was going, but the heart rate and the breathing told me I was in the right place so I just stuck with it. I'm definitely coming to terms with the fact that the next few weeks will be strictly easy (aka slow) running, just looking to build some base running fitness so my joints can handle the harder things to come (which may or may not involve speed work but will definitely involve brick work, so I have to strengthen everything up bit by bit and make sure they can handle that when the time comes). It's not super satisfying to do this kind of work, but like I was telling Helena yesterday when we were talking about her 5k plan, it's important to get the right kind of base at that easy/moderate effort before you go looking for more because it's the foundation of everything else that you do. You can't cheat the basics, so even though there's nothing glorious about them, I'm going to keep doing it and doing it right. 
• Cadence is still looking good, 172 spm average today, so I'm happy about that.
• It was cold. And windy. I'm just complaining. There's no real point to this bullet point.
• My knees felt good. While we're talking about joints, it's worth noting that my right elbow was giving me the business during my swim this morning and I bit the bullet and went and got a supplement to try and deal with that. (And a note about supplements: I do take multivitamins daily, along with usually half a dose of B100, and especially the past few weeks, the difference between the time blocks when I am good about supplementing and when I'm bad about supplementing are pretty stark. It makes a big difference to my energy levels so I figure it must have something to do with the repair stuff going on in my body. I have had a few different things for joint supplements in the past because I have a history of joint issues, I just went for an easy over the counter low dose glucosamine chondroitin complex that I'm taking at even lower doses than the maker recommends because in general my policy is the less supplementation I have to do the better. Better to get your nutrients from food than from a pill I figure. But it's helped in the past so I'm giving it a go to see if it makes a difference now.)

The mushy stuff:

• For when you are feeling discouraged: I am so insanely proud of myself and this day. I feel so incredibly blessed to be where I am and doing what I'm doing. I had a stretch of time in the afternoon after lunch and before my hospital session where I was exhausted and I knew I had to get studying in and the rest of my day seemed so daunting and I just sat at my carrel with a cup of coffee and wanted to cry about everything. But then I got to go into the hospital and practice my history and physical skills and found myself in an environment where I really feel like I thrive. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go before I'm good at all of these skills I have to master, but just getting to interact with patients is such a powerful reminder to me of what I get to spend the rest of my life doing. I get that wonderful sense that this is exactly where I belong, this is what I was born to do, not because I'm good at it necessarily but because it makes me come alive and I feel so lucky to have found that and to have the opportunity to work towards being the best that I can be at it. That was specifically hospital related, but honestly it applies to training too. I'm not a great athlete, but I don't feel like I was born to do this because I'm good at it, I feel like I was born to do this because it makes me come alive. I am so lucky to have the opportunity to work towards being better at these things that make me come alive on a daily basis. The work, the opportunity, that's the blessing. Don't ever forget that.
• On confidence/frustration/slow days/trust: If I had taken this run session yesterday morning, I would've been upset because it was so slow. It was almost 2 minutes a mile slower than my half marathon time, and it's only a 5 miler. But a lot of things happened between yesterday morning and right now. My whole conversation with Helena about why base training is important happened, my swim this morning which gave me such a huge confidence boost happened, and all of a sudden I find myself very comfortable with just doing the very mundane and non-glamorous work that is running slowly until I get my running groove back. It's the kind of thing that I would have been ashamed of in the past or gotten flustered and nervous over because it would make me feel like my running was terrible and was never going to get better and I didn't have any of that today because I had a kind of trust in the process that I think I've been lacking for a while. It's the inevitable reality of still feeling somewhat new to the sport and still learning what works and what doesn't and not knowing if I'm going to see the results that I want. But I'm starting to trust in the training a little bit more and I'm starting to let my ego go and it's helping me be okay with the reality that right now my only focus is on getting back into running without reaggravating any injuries. That's going to involve some very slow running and that's not something for me to be worried or ashamed or scared of. It's just another day in my schedule and it doesn't have to be any more emotionally loaded than that. 
• Let's talk about my relationship with food: I've been stressed out about food recently. If you know me, you know that's weird, I'm normally more of a "see food and just eat it" sort of person. But triathlon is annoying because it's gravity involving and therefore for the first time in my life my weight matters to me. In August the pounds honestly just sort of fell off my body, I didn't even know what was going on but I got super lean and it was kind of cool but also kind of disconcerting. I sort of thought the same thing would happen when I picked up with training this time around, but that's really not what's happened all of January, so I think I've been a bit flustered about that because I don't know the first thing about trying to drop a few pounds. I think it's made me really weird about food and that needs to stop. Pretty sure I'm tired because I've been slightly undernourished these past few days. Pretty sure I need to be better about controlling blood sugar swings by eating more frequently seeing as I can't eat very much in any single sitting. I need to be better about eating right after I workout. I need to be better about ensuring quality when I'm snacking because my body is definitely feeling the need for wholesome nourishment between real meals and I haven't been giving it any of that. I also need to relax about indulging, it's not going to kill anyone, but the stress is probably really bad for me. I'm gonna try to be a little bit more laid back about this, because honestly I think my body might think it's starving right now and I don't want it to think that. Trying to reframe the dialogue around food not in terms of quantity but in terms of quality. As long as I'm eating good quality food, I will let my body have its way in terms of quantity. It knows what it needs, I need to be better about listening.
• On a related note, body image: I had an awesome swim this morning, which can largely be credited to all the parts of my body that I can't stand (i.e. my arms and my lats). Like sure, they're sort of ridiculous looking, but they are also the reason that you get to fly in the water. I want you to think about any breakout off the start during any race ever. Is there anything that you wouldn't give up to have that feeling? Adhering to terrible and incredibly not meaningful beauty standards? Would give that up in a heartbeat. Just think about it.

That's all folks! Bedtime.

Much love,

Jess

"If you haven't felt like quitting..."

[Day 32]

"...your dreams aren't big enough."

This was a quote taken from a very touching email one of my professors sent our class today. I will not get into the rest of the contents but let's just say that it was a much needed message on a day like today and I can't help but feel like this is the world telling me to just put my head down and keep going.

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough way to start a week that I know is going to be really hard...Let's talk.

So there are two kinds of soul-crushing workouts (in my experience at least). The more common of the two (for me at least) are the ones where it's really hard but you get through and you come out on the other side physically and mentally stronger. They're the ones where I walk away and think, wow I did something I didn't think was possible today and it's going to make me so much better. And I have more confidence and it makes me really happy. Then there's the other kind of soul-crushing workout, where you walk away from it without too many positive takeaways. Sometimes it's because I don't make it through the workout (I have to make big adjustments or truncate it altogether) and it's disappointing and it makes me feel like I'll never get to where I want to be. (Although there are plenty of workouts where I do have to make adjustments and I think the more typical situation is not getting super discouraged, but rather it typically makes me more hungry to work harder and hit the workout right the next time.)

I guess yesterday was weird because it was the kind of soul-crushing workout where I did kill it (even though I did have to make some adjustments to the original set, I'm not super beat up about that, I will hit it again and it will be better next time) but I still walked away feeling super discouraged. I think all night and most of this morning, I've just been sinking in this sense that it's so so so hard and I don't know that I have what it takes to go through something like that again. I feel like a little kid but there's this voice in my head that just keeps saying "but it hurt so much..." and doesn't have much else to offer me than that. And I think the worst part for me is that I hate being like this. I know how much you have to put in to get better, I know that there's very little about this that's comfortable or nice and I need to be able to handle that reality if I want to improve but this little voice just comes back with "but it hurt so much". And it really did. It really did.

In any case, I find myself in sort of a strange situation because this isn't typically how I react to these things. The other part that comes with this that's hard for me is that it makes me really lose faith in myself and my ability to do what I need to do. I've just been leaning on things that Henry's been telling me, I've been leaning on him believing in me, because I'm not really sure how to do that for myself right now. I have a few more comments about Henry, but we'll save those for the end.

So I went to the gym this morning and had a sort of disappointing lift. I had a bit more planned than what I ended up doing because of a combination of not wanting to do things (e.g. what I knew was going to be a pretty painful legs giant set) and being slow (will talk more about this in a bit) and that sort of only adds to the cloud of dejection floating over me about training right now. It was one of those days where I spent every second of my breaks between sets convincing myself to not just walk out the door and go home. I just had to keep forcing myself to go back to the bar and once I was there and set up I knew I was gonna get through that set. Then rinse and repeat. It was hard, it slowed everything down, it wasn't any fun and I don't feel like I accomplished what I set out to accomplish. But it was the best I was going to get out of this day, so at the very least I can say that I showed up when I really didn't want to. Here's the recap:

Today's Workout: AM lift and short treadmill run
Summary:

• Lift:
• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65#, 2 x 8 @ 105#, 2 x 6 @ 105# (honestly I think the sets of 6 were more a confidence thing than a strength thing, was sort of scared to go for it so I didn't)
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45#, 4 x 10 @ 75# (need to go up)
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8 @ 115 (need to go up)
• Back giant set: 3 rounds of 
• Straight arm pulldowns: 12 @ 6 plates
• Lat pulldowns: 12 @ 6 plates (up?)
• Cable rows: 12 @ 6 plates (up?)
• Shoulder press: 3 x 8/8 (last set was 8/5-5) @ 25#/15#
• Easy treadmill run, 20 mins, 2% incline, 6.0-6.2 pace
• Treadmill numbers: 2.09 mi, 20:37
• Garmin numbers: 2.21 mi, 20:28, 9:16 average pace

Hit Rate: 34/35 (97.1%)

I think the day has been getting better since. Henry stayed with me in the morning and worked really hard to talk me out of how sad I feel about everything and despite it being a situation where I think once upon a time he would have asked me to just take a day off from responsibilities and just recharge, instead he asked me to dig deeper today and keep moving forward. I know that's hard for him, but to me it was this big piece of proof to me that he really did believe that I can keep going and I can get what it is that I'm after and I really needed that reassurance today. His willingness to keep pushing me makes me feel like I am capable of more, I just have to dig a little deeper and find it. I'm so glad that I have someone to be tough on me right now because the hardest moments like this are when the magic happens. We also had a fun little exchange where he was all surprised that today wasn't a double day (for reference the only planned doubles this week are Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, and next Sunday again but I consider that next week since it's after my rest day) and that's also refreshing. I've definitely talked about this before, but normalizing the workload is super important to making it all not seem extremely daunting all the time. I think the other thing that's starting to happen today is that we talked (although not directly) about normalizing the emotional experience as well, just in terms of how this kind of day and these feelings are always going to be a part of the experience (not just for me but anyone else that does what I do). And what comes out of all of that is none of this is an excuse to do work any less hard and even though that's a tough pill to swallow sometimes, I'm glad I have someone to reinforce that and to support me and believe in me and help me work through it all. 

Outside of that, I registered for Swim the Suck today! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) There are literally not enough exclamation marks in the universe. I'm really glad I got in.

I spent so much of the morning being distressed about needing to go to practice tomorrow and having to bike in what will likely be rain but Henry was adamant that I should go (and I agree with him, I should go) so I was/am planning on going but I wasn't happy about it. Well now that I know I'm racing an open water 10 miler in October, I feel a little bit more urgency about hitting up the pool as many times as possible. It makes me feel a tad bit better about how tired/wet/cold/annoyed I will be about having to ride out to and back from Clayton in the rain tomorrow. And I think this is one of those things that may just be a temporary incentive right now, but it's coming at a pretty important time.

So at this point I think I have to go back to that quote. "If you haven't felt like quitting, your dreams aren't big enough." Things are sorta rough right now but I have amazing support to lean on and I just need to put my head down and keep at it. Thankful in spite of it all today. We'll get through. (:

Much love,

Jess

Race Report: Hot Chocolate 15k (St. Louis)

The journey to the start line of this race was tumultous to say the least. Some burnout and an injury (plantar fasciitis) meant that I hadn't been consistently training for about an entire month prior to the race and the lack of fitness was finely evidenced by my finish time. Despite that, however, I'm glad I decided to run the race. It was one of the toughest things that I've done in a while (it turns out being in shape makes races feel considerably less difficult) and I always think it's good to be tested mentally. Not to mention I did really enjoy myself and the break from a long weekend of studying for finals.

It wasn't too early of a morning, a 7:30 am gun time meant I could get up around 5:45 and be comfortable early to the race still. The weather was warm over the weekend which was nice, I wasn't worried about what I should be wearing, shorts and a t-shirt would do the trick. Since I wasn't taking the race very seriously, I also didn't take things like nutrition very seriously. I ate half a Clif Bar and drank some Nuun (had some Nuun the night before as well to get those electrolytes in, I usually prefer the potassium loaded kind of Vitamin Water but I hadn't prepped any in advance so I settled for Nuun) at home, then headed out. I got there with plenty of time to spare to use the restrooms and get my bag checked. I also had 3 Shot Bloks about a half hour before the race, instead of the typical gel and half a bottle of water or Vitamin Water 15 minutes out. Again, wasn't taking it very seriously.

I was lucky enough to be in a preferred corral, so I was able to start with the first wave which opened up very quickly and allowed me to be actually running right from the get go. I hung around the 9:00 minute mile pace pacer for the first 5 or so miles. She was running with another woman and I sort of hovered around them and listened to their conversations. Turns out she got into running also from a competitive swimming to triathlon transition (and she's now an Ironman!) and she recently had a child and has just been getting back into training seriously. She was a pretty sweet person, it was nice to run near those ladies for the first half of the race. I did, however, get dropped soon after that.

The goal going into the race was to try and hit around 9:00 pace and keep it comfortable in the first half and then depending on how I felt, either try to negative split the second half or just try and hold onto the pace for the finish. (Just note that my average pace for the half marathon a month prior was around 8:22, so this was quite a bit slower of a day.) I did well to stay on that pace the first 5 miles and honestly felt really good for about 4.5 of them, then things started falling apart. Those initial splits (according to my Garmin, which did blip in and out a bit on some miles downtown because of the buildings) were 8:53, 8:40, 8:41, 8:59, 8:55. Oh also I should note that it started raining about 5-10 minutes before the start and continued to lightly rain during the remainder of the race. It also got real windy during some segments which was rough. I found myself trying to tuck in behind small groups to get out of the wind, to mixed effectiveness.

After mile 5, things just sort of started coming apart. The lack of fitness was really starting to show and I started feeling really exhausted and running real slow. Towards the end, the route is the same one that the finish of the Rock 'n' Roll half uses, and I remember feeling terrible towards the end of that race as well but I was able to maintain form and pace then whereas this time it was all I could do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There were many times around mile 7 when I thought maybe I just wouldn't be able to do it. At this point, my pace had dropped off by so much that a huge stream of people were just flying by me which was really demoralizing. All I could do was tell myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I just had to make it to the finish. It didn't have to be fast, but I wasn't going to let the distance beat me. So I slogged up and down the small hills in the last few miles and eventually made it to the finish. I was pretty disappointed by how the second half of the race went, but I didn't quit on it and I made it to the end, which was what counted. The pace splits were 9:23, 9:28, 9:57, 10:10, 10:32 (for the last ~0.3 mi).

All in all, this was where my performance landed me:

Some thoughts about the race:

• I'm glad that I didn't hurt my foot any worse. It got slightly aggravated towards the end of the race (uphills and downhills especially seem to be what's hard on my feet) but actually bounced back fairly quickly after the race. I'm a week out now and my foot feels perfectly normal again which is a huge blessing. 
• I'm really glad I decided to just go for it. I feel like it's important to race just for the sake of racing sometimes, without pressure for a PR or whatever. I've always been a big believer that frequent low-pressure racing is important to success because it normalizes the race environment and helps manage achievement-related expectations. I think this day really proved that point and will be a helpful experience for when I find myself in slightly higher stakes situations.
• It was really cool to see first hand the huge difference that the training makes. I had run a race at what felt like a very high effort that during a regular portion of my training block would be shorter and around the same pace as my typical weekly long run. In-season fitness is an amazing thing. My half marathon just a month prior was more than 3.5 miles longer than this race and it was faster by almost 1:00 per mile. The training makes a huge difference.
• At the same time, it was cool to see how for my baseline fitness has come since I started running. Turns out I'm capable of more at my baseline untrained level than I thought was possible. When I first started running, 3 miles at an easy effort was hard when I was untrained. Given that, I'm very impressed by the fact that I was able to run 15k continuously. Even with the pace drop off, I was able to average a somewhat decent speed (by my standards) so I'll take it.
• It's a great thing to do something that is mentally difficult. There's more than just good training behind successful races, you also have to have the mental coping skills to back up that fitness in a racing environment. I feel like that's a skill that I lack sometimes and have really needed to work on, both in a day-to-day training sort of way and in a racing environment sort of way. Being challenged physically is one thing, but being challenged mentally and having to rise above the sense of disappointment and discouragement I felt from being much slower than I knew I could be and struggling more than I thought I should be was really valuable. Proving to myself that I can get through those thoughts and be better than that kind of negativity was really special and I know that experience will make me better in the long run. 

Comments on race environment and management:

• The race is spectacularly organized. It was smaller than Rock 'n' Roll but was very friendly, very orderly, and very professional. 
• The swag is great, as is the hot chocolate and free post-race snacks.
• Having a chocolate bar shaped medal is pretty cool. 
• If you're considering registering for this race as a winter training carrot, definitely do it, it's a great experience.
• There were a lot of small children running (both the 5k and the 10k!) which I thought was amazing. Run as a family! It's good for everyone!

I also want to share what the training has looked like between Rock 'n' Roll and this race. I had about one good week of resting and recovery, three weeks of decent (not fantastic) training, and then about four weeks off for various reasons. I'm going to start sharing these for the rest of the races I prepare for as well, just because it'll be interesting to go back and see how performance lines up with training. Usually I expect this will go along well with my "hit rate" measure, which I stopped keeping track of for this cycle because it was clearly not going to be a serious training cycle, but I will pick back up with in the new year.

That's all I've got for now! I haven't actually done any form of physical activity since that race. I've intended to, but finals week was happening and now I'm trying to reassemble my life so I can go home for winter break with my apartment not in an abysmal condition. I'm also trying to get some other things in my life (e.g. I'm playing around with a new plan for tackling studying next semester) sorted out right now so that I can hit the ground running in 2016. I'm a big believer that you need to manipulate your environment in such a way that it maximizes your likelihood of succeeding, so I'm figuring out what adjustments I need to make in order to optimize the world around me so I can just do my thing when I get back.

It's been a great year! Happy holidays to everyone! (:

Much love,
Jess