Can't stop won't stop

[Day 132]

There's a lot I feel like I have on my mind but not so much that I want to write down. Let's talk numbers, then feelings.

Today's Workout: PM run, intervals

• 15-20 mins easy WU
• 4 x 1/2 mi @ 10k pace (7:35-7:50) w/ 3 mins rest (jogged the first three, walked the last)
• 4 x 1/4 mi @ 5k pace (7:05-7:20) w/ 1:30 rest (walked these)
• 15-20 mins easy WD

Summary: 7.56 mi, 1:16:28, 10:07 average pace
Interval splits:

• 1/2 milers: 3:53.1 (7:46), 3:51.4 (7:43), 3:40.7 (7:41). 3:51.7 (7:44)
• 1/4 milers: 1:47.6 (7:10), 1:48.3 (7:13), 1:49.0 (7:16), 1:49.7 (7:19)

Hit rate: 6/6 (100%)

Notes/thoughts:

• My stomach was really bothering me today. About 10 minutes into my warmup, I had some pain and nausea started up and I just thought to myself, Jess you've gone to swim practice on so much worse and cranked it out, there's no reason you can't do this. So I did it. With some amount of compromise. I let myself walk half the rest intervals because I felt like I had to to keep the contents of my stomach in my tummy. I felt pretty horrible, would have much rather gotten to just concentrate on the running instead of concentrating on fighting the feeling in my stomach, but you know what, it's been a while I think since I've been really mentally challenged and I always welcome that. I think you need to be mentally challenged regularly to remind yourself that you can dig deep and overcome that so I'm glad I was forced to be tougher today than I am on any other regular day. 
• I was really surprised by how easy the 5k paced 400s came. 1/4 mile is an incredibly short distance apparently. Honestly the first four 1/2 milers didn't feel great compared to last week, but I got through them fine, and I was just worried about not having any kind of speed in my legs but I shot through that first 1/4 miler and I knew I was gonna be fine. I would like to not be walking recoveries in the future but it let me do the important work on pace and kept me from having to throw in the towel early so I'll take it for today. 
• There's something qualitatively different about running at 10k pace versus 5k. It's really interesting to be finding run speed gears because I'm starting to learn the difference with my body in terms of how to maximize efficiency at each pace. The swimmer part of my brain turns on and that's just what it does. It's really amazing to have been doing sports my whole life and still get to learn new things about my own movement and feel those patterns form and shape and adjust as I get better. That's one of my favourite things about exercise and it's really awesome that intervals really bring that out for me when it comes to running.
• I've genuinely just missed working hard and getting my ass kicked by workouts. I feel like I had a lot of intensity the past few months on the bike trainer because that's something I've been really focusing on and trying to improve on, but I haven't been very intense in the pool and I have never been very intense about running. It's just really satisfying to lay everything you have out on the line during a set and then spend the 15-20 minutes of warm down willing myself to not drop dead on the side of the road or in the park somewhere because I'm almost too tired to even want to go home. That's fun, I get a kick out of that. 
• I want to be really proud of what went on today. I don't feel it as powerfully as I know I should. These paces are cake to so many people but this is insanely fast for me and is a level of running that I didn't think I was capable of doing. So I want to be insanely proud and insanely happy with myself. Instead I feel sort of meh because I walked some of the recoveries and I feel like I should've jogged them but I didn't. I don't want that to drag me down but it does. I'm a little too ambitious for my own good sometimes. I'm bad at just being happy when I do a good job. It wasn't a perfect job, but it was a good job and I should be proud. I am trying to just repeat that to myself over and over again and perhaps it will eventually cement in my head as reality. Who knows.

Easy run on the schedule for tomorrow, 5 miles on the schedule, I'll play the turn around point by feel because I feel pretty wrecked from today and I do want to actually recover tomorrow so I can hit another insane tempo run on Friday. In other news, have a running agreement with Henry that I'm going to try and do 10 minutes of core work and 10 minutes of stretching every night, so I'm gonna finish the work I have to do tonight and then go do that. Working hard, staying hungry. Happy Hump Day! (:

Much love,

Jess

Well that was mildly unpleasant...

[Day 64]

We did end up doing core stuff last night! Along with that timed 100 push ups challenge. And watching the 16.2 announcement, which was freaking insane. Made even more insane by the fact that one of the judges counted Dan Bailey's reps wrong and he's probably gonna have to do the workout again. Ouch.

Anyways, if you don't know what the 100 push up challenge is, it's basically a thing that Henry and I do because I enjoy winning at stuff where we take turns doing 100 push ups for time. Not continuously, because honestly I have a hard time linking together push ups past 20 reps. But you know, broken up however you want until you get to 100. Henry went first yesterday and set the bar really high and put the fear of god in me and I subsequently crushed it. 6:57, best time yet by a lot. I broke them up pretty similar to how I usually do but I was able to stay in the 5 rep range for longer and I think my reps were faster and my breaks were shorter. I was very very happy about that. Then we did some core stuff, and since we were sort of on a challenge streak, we started with some max reps stuff. Literally unbroken reps until I failed out of one, which was fun. (Yes, this is the kind of thing I find fun.) Unfortunately, fun doesn't always mean productive? I mean it was a great workout, but I also definitely didn't focus as much on form as I typically try to and blah blah blah. A good thing to do every once in a while, but probably not something I should get in a habit of. Also I need to plank, which we skipped yesterday because of the push ups. Here's the summary of that.

Yesterday's Core Work:

• 100 push ups for time: 6:57
• 128 sit ups (unbroken)
• 92 leg lifts (unbroken)
• 200 Russian twists, broken twice (at 96/179 if I remember correctly)
• 35-18-12 V sit ups (was aiming for 35-25, but the reps got ugly and I reset and tried to hit good ones)
• 10 x 10 second leg lift negatives

Then I swam this morning! Henry gave up some of his life yesterday to make sure he could be home and support me so I could make it out to the pool this morning, so when I woke up and felt pretty crappy and didn't wanna go, I sucked it up because of him and got my butt out the door. The workout in and of itself wasn't bad, but I felt pretty terrible. Even not hard things felt hard today, I just didn't have it. We got through though. The lane sort of opted out of deciding on pace times, we just swam. There are like 5 of us girls that are virtually the same speed so it does work out in the end, but it was kind of weird for me to be like, I don't know what the send off is gonna be but as long as I come in some reasonable amount of time after Emily it'll probably be fine (I went third in the lane). The ride back was terrible and very slow. I was very tired. Biking while tired is slightly dangerous. I kept feeling like I was veering and not very steady (probably because I was veering and not very steady...). Here's the summary:

Today's AM Workout: CSP Practice, IM day
Summary:

• WU: 
• 300 swim
• 300 drill
• 250 alt. 50 kick/50 drill (was supposed to be 300, but idk what my lane decided to do...)
• Pre-Set:
• 4 x 200 IM
• 1 - drill, 2 - swim, 3 - kick w/ board (no fins), 4 - swim 
• 5 x 100, odds IM descending 1-3-5, evens free
• Main Set: 3 x 
• 125 double up IM (first round 50 fly, second round 50 back, etc.)
• 50 weak stroke (breast)
• 100 free
• 50 strong stroke (back)
• 75 IM no free
• WD:
• 200 kick (free w/ board no fins)
• 100 swim
• Total Distance: 3650 SCY (3700 SCY as written)

Hit Rate: 68/75 (90.6%)

Had a pretty productive day, ended up taking a nap in the afternoon though because the exhaustion from the morning never really cleared up. Ran right after my nap, opted for a 12 miler instead of a building 10 miler today because I've done more speed work than I typically do this week and I knew I had no kick in my legs today (based on the swim/ride). So long and steady it was. 

It was actually pretty nasty in terms of how it felt. I was honestly aiming to be just under 10 minute mile pace, I figured something nice and leisurely would do for the longest run of the year to date, but it just didn't feel nice and leisurely. By about mile 8 or 9 I was struggling with the focus and the pace and my legs just felt shredded. I got through though and held on for the finish. It's weird because these long days used to really intimidate me, but now I almost feel like I can compare it to any other run when I just don't feel so hot. Sometimes I take easy 5 milers and they feel horrible. You know you're gonna get through it, it's just gonna feel horrible. I could tell myself the same thing about today's run, except it was 12 miles. I don't know where that confidence of "oh of course I can run 12 miles, there's no question about whether or not I'll finish, I just have to decide to do it and go out and do it" came from, but it's nice. Progress. Even if today's run in particular ended slowly and with me in a lot of pain, I can see the progress hidden in it.

Today's PM Workout: Long run (12 miles), easy pace

Summary: 12.65 mi, 2:03:19, 9:45 average pace, 176 spm (Nailed that! Didn't realize it til just now but I'm real happy about that)

Pace splits by mile: 9:48, 9:52, 9:43, 9:44, 9:30, 9:47, 9:38, 9:53, 9:44, 9:46, 9:47, 9:48, 9:45

Hit Rate: 69/76 (90.7%)

I've been a huge lump since I've gotten home though. Don't feel so hot, haven't really been able to stomach much real food so I had a smoothie and have been munching on random snacks that don't upset me (tomatoes eaten as if they were apples because tomatoes are amazing, hummus and pita chips, roasted potatoes, yeah I'm random). It's late so I'm gonna stretch now and probably hit the sack. The real planned day off is tomorrow. It's interesting, that'll be the third day off I've had in seven days, which is way more than is typical. The workouts this week have been longer and higher intensity though, so I feel pretty justified with the extra rest. xD Maybe I'm just making excuses. But right now my body definitely doesn't feel that way. It'll be nice to have the day off. TGIF!

Much love,

Jess

No room for noise

[Day 25B]

That was the hardest short trainer session I've done in a while...Wow. Just goes to show that I'm bad at pinning down what workouts will feel tough and what workouts will feel easy. Here's the rundown:

Today's PM Workout: PM trainer ride, 60 minutes
Summary:

• WU: 10 mins easy 
• Pre-set: 5 x :30/:30 spin ups 
• Main Set: 8 x (3 mins on, 2 mins recovery) at 95 rpm, starting at base (big ring in front, 2nd biggest ring in back to start), going up one gear each minute attempting to hold cadence throughout 
• Cadence thing did not happen, it looked more like 95/90-95/86-92 as average ranges
• WD: 5 mins easy 
• Totals: 14.69 mi, 1:00:38, 14.5 mph average

Hit Rate: 25/26 (96.1%)

Honestly, it's just been a really long day and it's going to be a really busy week and I'm mildly stressed about everything there is for me to do. Today it's been pretty non-stop, I had practice, I had class from 8:30-5:00, I dealt with some secretorial-esque errands for about an hour after class and had to field a phone call from my mom so I wasn't even home until 6:15 pm and couldn't be on my trainer til 6:30 knowing that I had to eat dinner and take care of some emails before hitting the sack early so I can hit the gym early tomorrow. This was the kind of day where I would have been happy to just let workout number two slide and bump down that hit rate a bit because it was genuinely a little crazy. But I had so much good momentum from this morning and Henry had given me the best pep talk last night and I know that some days are going to be hard but they make you better in every sense of the word so I felt like I had to do it so I did. 

It was tough. I was not expecting it to be this tough but it really really was. Gonna keep this particular workout in my back pocket and try to hit it again in a few weeks and hopefully do better at holding the goal cadences. I definitely like almost called it quits about 3 times but I was listening to Swimcerely and gosh these women are just so extraordinarily inspirational. Let me explain.

I think one of the things that I struggle with a lot is the idea that someone out there is looking at what I'm trying to do with my life and going, "That's unsustainable. She's trying to do too much and she's just going to burn out and she can't be successful at all of these things that she wants to be successful at". And as much as I'm more than willing to take that challenge head on and prove people wrong, I also have to wonder if maybe there's some or even a lot of truth to those statements. (The best thing about this situation is how hypothetical "these people" are.) Anyways, my point is that Swimcerely really reminds me that there are people out there doing crazy hard things that commit to it and chase after it with everything they have just because they love it and it's what they want and it doesn't matter how plausible it is or isn't to other people. All of that is just noise, and in my case, a lot of the noise I hear is coming from nowhere but my own head. I just have to ignore that noise and do me. Follow your bliss right? And hey, it's not like I don't have a wonderful support network to get me where I want to go. I just have to be a little better at believing. 

Okay I've been really sappy today. Sorry I'm not usually this sappy, but it's honestly just how I feel. I think a little bit of this sappiness underlies everything about me, it's just hidden under a lot of other stuff usually. In any case, already past my bedtime so I'm gonna shower now and try and get lots of sleep. Happy Monday! (:

Much love,

Jess