The first workout!

But not really. This is definitely not my first workout. But it is the first I will log in this manner, so for that I will allow it to count as a special first.

Today's workout: 8 mile run, starting moderate and building.
Summary: 8.3 mi, 1:14:18/1:14:31 total time, 8:57/8:59 pace.
Pace splits by mile: 9:27, 9:10, 9:06, 8:57, 8:41, 8:38, 9:01, 9:07, 8:05.

I am in the lull period before serious planned training takes place, so really all I've been doing the past month is running (distance/workout details determined depending on how I feel that day) and swimming on the occasion when I want to mix it up. I'm currently in Boston (the run was along the river in Cambridge/Allston today), but will be leaving for St. Louis on Wednesday. Between making this first move and going back to Canada next week in order to pick up furniture, the training will be sporadic at best. But I'm going to make an effort to not lose too much of the base run fitness I've been gaining.

The run today was a test. It was conceived of as a build run with two steps at which I was going to turn it up a notch. Was really imagining the splits to go something like 9:15-9:30 range for miles 1-3, 9:00-9:15 for 4-6, and sub-9:00 for 7-8. But I got going early on and really wanted to try and push the pace so I adjusted to a very ambitious 9:00-9:15 for 1-3, 8:45-9:00 for 4-6, and AFAP for 7-8, which made the last two miles comparatively slow and very very very very painful. I'm glad I pushed the pace though, because I've been struggling at convincing myself to push the limits because I am afraid of pain/failure so tackling those fears is important to me.

I spent a lot of time over the weekend being really down about the state of my training, and Henry had said to me that I need to be willing to suffer in order to get what I want. Suffering is an integral part of the process and whenever things get hard and I take my foot off the gas I need to remember that the suffering is making me better. I really tried to dig deep into that message today, I kept saying to myself that I needed to prove that I was willing and able to endure this kind of suffering in order to get better. I also got sort of delirious towards the end and kept saying to myself that I had to prove my idiot brain wrong about what my body was capable of. (I was watching a Red Bull endurance video series in the morning and one research project they had going on was trying to figure out how to tap into the physical reserves that exist beyond the point which the brain allows us to push ourselves. So I kept saying that I had enough to keep going, my idiot brain just didn't want to acknowledge that, and I had to be the boss and push through to those abilities I knew I had. Maybe a dangerous mentality, I will acknowledge that, but it did work at keeping me pushing as hard as I knew how.)

I'm not happy about the fact that I died in those last two miles, but I'm very very satisfied with the effort. It was probably one of the most painful runs I've taken in a long time, I'm sure if you had seen my face on the way back in you would've understood. It was the kind of run that ended with me swallowing back a lot of bile. I really feel like I know where the "deeper" in digging deeper is now, or at least that it's deeper than I thought it was, and I'm going to try to channel that going forwards.

Not every workout is going to need to be a workout at this level of intensity (and it probably shouldn't, because this kind of effort gets counterproductive without proper recovery) but knowing that I have what it takes to work at this level when I ask it of myself is really reassuring.

Post-workout, I came home, hydrated, showered, started the laundry, and promptly collapsed into bed for a nap. I should have probably eaten something beforehand, but I was just so blown out. (Also had an early morning because Henry had a 6 AM flight to Florida to catch.) Mistake turned out to be problematic when I woke up an hour and a half later and was starving but so tired I could barely get myself out of bed to obtain food. I ended up heating up a piece of fried chicken from the weekend (we ate so poorly over the last weekend...it was such a problem) and am munching on it now as I write. I will have to go to Whole Foods in a bit and pick up some greens to go with the leftover lobster we have from Henry's uncle's restaurant. I'll probably also make noodles tonight because noodles are faster than rice. Or maybe I'll even pan fry some potatoes, because potatoes are good carbs. We'll see.

Tomorrow, I will have to finish packing (the state of the room is horrendous right now!) but I will try to get in a short recovery run (around 4-5 miles probably) since I won't be exercising again until Friday at the earliest probably. I'll be back tomorrow!

Much love,
Jess