Dranks and the gym

[Day 135]

Was planning on taking a ride this morning. Didn't, by virtue of spending last night getting wasted out of my mind and pretty much all of today dying because I was so hungover. Did go to the gym with Hayley, had a really chill session b/c I was still hungover...Opted to keep all the weights really conservatively low since it's been like a month since I was last in the gym.

Today's Workout: PM gym sesh w/ Hayley
Summary:

• Back squats: 3 x 12 @ 95#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45, 3 x 12 @ 75#
• Pulldowns: 3 x 12/12/8-4 @ 7 plates
• Straight arm cable pulldowns: 3 x 12 @ 5 plates
• DB rows: 3 x 12 @ 40#

Hit Rate: 9/10 (90%)

Taking tomorrow off and getting back at it next week. Happy Saturday! (:

Much love,

Jess

The fourth month has not been kind to the blogging

[Day 102]

Sorry. I'm trying. I swear.

Friday's PM Workout: Base run w/ Henry riding on a bike next to me offering words of encouragement the whole time
Summary: 8.67 mi, 1:18:45, 9:05 pace, 176 spm
Pace splits by mile: 8:59, 9:08, 9:07, 9:03, 9:03, 8:56, 9:10, 9:12, 9:09
Notes: Definitely felt like I was fading towards the end and it was a relatively flat run since I took the bike path instead of the footpath, but I'm still happy with the pace and effort overall.
Hit Rate: 98/108 (90.7%)

Saturday's Workout: Easy run, paced Helena through the Go! St. Louis 5k!
Summary: 3.15 mi, 31:20, 9:57 pace
Notes: Was definitely hoping to get to a point pace wise where she could finish strong but we underestimated the terrain and she wasn't really prepared for that so things started out a tad too fast and fell off a bit as time went on. I'm still super proud of her though, she took something crazy like 8 minutes off her last 5k! Hoping she keeps running and we can do this again with more races in the future.

Sunday's Workout: Trainer brick, 2 hours on the trainer (mix of speedwork/sprints and hill work) and 4 mi FAST off the bike
Summary:

• Trainer set:
• WU: 10 mins easy
• Pre-set: 8 x :30/:30 spin ups, 2 mins easy
• Main Set: 
• 8 x (3 mins on, 2 mins recovery) at 95 rpm, starting at base (big ring in front, 2nd biggest ring in back to start), going up one gear each minute
• 4 x 5 segments at base +3/+4/+5/+4/+3, alternating 2 min segments and 1 min segments by set (total climb times are 10/5/10/5), 2 mins easy spinning recoveries between 
• 8 x :45/:45 sprints @ base +1 
• 10 mins steady state (prep for transition) 
• Total time: 120 mins
• Summary: 29.13 mi, 2:00:37, 14.5 mph
• Trainer speed splits: 13.4, 15.3, 14.6, 14.9, 14.8, 14.1
• Transition: 1:03.3
• Run summary: 4.49 mi, 38:45, 8:38 pace, 181 spm
• Run splits by mile: 8:32, 8:44, 8:42, 8:35, 8:36

Notes: I was challenged by Henry to do the run under 9:00 pace average (for a reward of ice cream, which I didn't actually take in the end lol) and I would have never gone for it if he hadn't made that challenge, but I did and it went spectacularly well. Things oscillated between feeling tough and feeling remarkably easy but basically as long as I kept my cadence up I felt pretty strong. I pushed up the hills and found it pretty easy to recover after them and I was holding pace well in the flats which I struggle with sometimes so all in all I was very very very happy with how things went. I wasn't going to be this aggressive with my run at the race but people tell me the Clemson course is flat so I think I'm going to shoot for under 9:00 pace on my 10k and if it falls apart in the last 2 miles, then so be it. But given how that run went, I think I definitely have it in me and it would be shame not to give it a try so that's the game plan for now.

Hit Rate: 99/109 (90.8%)

Today's Workout: Gym sesh, last lift before racing! (~1:15)

Summary:

• Back squats: WU 8 @ 95# (was rotating with a friend, this was the weight she was doing so I just went with it), 5 x 8/6/8/8/8 @ 115/115/105/105/105 (disappointed that I had to drop down, but it was the right call, 115s were a real struggle)
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8/8/6/6 @ 155# (probably could have gone for 8s on the later sets but prioritized protecting my back, don't want to take any injury risks this close to competing, felt strong even though it was right after squatting, the big deadlift plates definitely help since the bar starts pretty far off the ground)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 10/10/10/7-3 @ 7+ plates (didn't go for sets of 12 because honestly I just didn't feel like it...)
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 10/8/7 @ 85# (these continue to disappoint...just gotta keep doing the thing)
• Leg stability set: 2 x
• Single leg glut bridges: 10/side (body weight)
• Single leg Romanian deadlifts: 10/side @ 25# (one DB)
• Band squats: 20
• Shoulder press: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 25#/side (still not understanding how I can do 8-12 drop sets at 25#/15# but somehow I still can't hit full sets of 12 with just the 25s...)
• Single arm DB row: 3 x 12/side @ 40# (go. up. in. weight. And need more grip strength looool.)
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 65#
• Fly pulls w/ resistance cords: 4 x 30

Notes: I felt pretty weak today, which was sort of disappointing, but I also made a point of trying not to take myself too seriously. The point of today was just to remind my body to try and hold onto as much muscle as possible between now and when I race so the strength doesn't just fall right off my body, the details of how much weight I'm moving right now aren't super important. The other half of that story is the fact that I'm as strong as I've ever been in my life which means inevitably I'm going to get to a point where it gets harder to keep going up in weight without some changes to how much time I'm spending working on strength. I'll save the attempts at serious progress making for when I'm not so focused on triathlons, for now just holding close to this set point is fine by me. I also went to the gym in the middle of the day, which I never do, and I had an interesting revelation about how vulnerable I feel when I'm training and how it freaks me out to show that kind of vulnerability around others. The other thing that I realized though is that I need to be willing to take ownership of what I'm there for and what I'm doing. Sometimes I worry about what other people think about the random girl in the boy space at the gym but at the end of the day, I know exactly why I'm there and what I'm out to get and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. (And you know, I don't subscribe to the patriarchy and all and I need to stop talking like I do.)

Hit Rate: 100/110 (90.9%)

I was really tired after this but it seems like a good amount of coffee is bringing me back to life. Much school work to be done now. Tomorrow will be a swim in the morning and if there's good weather, a chill ride in the afternoon, either in Forest Park or maybe elsewhere if I'm feeling adventurous. We'll see. But it'll be chill. Because we're starting to err into taper territory...not officially yet (I've been hesitant about declaring a day as official start of taper) but I do want to get some decent recovery in so that'll be the point of the ride. Happy Monday!

Much love,

Jess

Blogging "every day" amirite?

[Day 95]

Tired right now. Break was great. Too lazy to go into all the details. Here just have the summaries.

Monday's Workout: Gym sesh w/ Henry
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 75#, 3 x 8 @ 115#, last set drop set for 12 @ 95#
• Pulldowns: 3 x 12 @ 90#
• Flat bench: 12 @ 55#, 3 x 12/8/6-2 @ 85#
• Trap bar deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 165# (split 6-2 or 5-3 just sort of depending...) - we just googled it and found out how much the bar weighs, turns out that's why those were sort of rough lol
• Legs superset: 3 x 
• 15 goblet squats @ 45#
• 15 split squats @ 15#/side (DBs)
• 15 reverse lunges @ 15#/side (DBs)
• Dips: 3 x 12 @ 50 lbs of assist
• Seated cable rows: 3 x 12 @ 70#

Hit Rate: 87/95 (91.5%)

Tuesday's Workout: Run

Summary: 8.66 mi, 1:23:24, 9:37 pace, 171 spm average

Pace splits by mile: 9:11, 9:31, 9:43, 9:43, 9:47, 9:38, 9:42, 10:13, 8:57

Things worth noting: I had really bad period cramps that started about a mile in, I ended up stopping at 1.5 mi and thinking that I would just have to walk home and call it a day, but the cramps faded and I ended up deciding that I should try and get through it anyways and if I had to, I would just walk when the cramps acted up. They didn't come back, so I got the rest of my workout in nice and smooth. Was glad I decided to stick it out. (:

Hit Rate: 88/96 (91.6%)

Wednesday's Workout: Indoor brick at the hotel gym

Summary: (continuous)

• 20 mins biking as 10 mins @ 6-8 warm up, 5 mins @ 9, 5 mins @ 10, all at 95 rpm
• 10 mins running @ 2% incline, 6.2-6.4 mph speed
• 20 mins biking as 5 mins @ 10, 5 mins @ 11, 5 mins @ 12, 5 mins @ 11
• 10 mins running @ 2% incline, 6.5 mph speed
• Summed totals:
• Biking: 11.50 mi, 40:06
• Running: 2.19 mi, 20:42

Things worth noting: So sore from the gym sesh...but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Hit Rate: 89/97 (91.7%)

Thursday's Workout: Stadiums at Princeton w/ Henry

Summary: 2 rounds of stadiums with rest between rounds, lower level only, alternating singles/doubles by staircase

Hit Rate: 90/98 (91.8%)

Friday's Workout: Indoor biking at the hotel gym

Summary: 17.68 mi, 1:01:03

• All at 90-95+ rpm
• WU: 10 mins @ 6-8
• Main Set: 9 x 5 mins @ 9/10/11/12/13/12/11/11/10
• WD: 5 mins working down from 10 to 6

Things worth noting: Henry had to kick me out of bed so I would do this. I really didn't wanna do it, but I'm glad I did. Stadiums were really bad to my ankles so I stuck with non-impact work.

Hit Rate: 91/99 (91.9%)

Saturday's Workout: Gym sesh w/ Henry, upper body only

Summary:

• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 12/8/8 @ 85#
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12/12/12/10-2 @ 90#
• Incline bench: 3 x 12 @ 65#
• Single arm DB rows: 3 x 12 @ 40#
• Shoulder press: 3 x 8-12 @ 25#-15#
• Bicep curls: 3 x 12 @ 20#
• Dips: 3 x 12/12/10 @ 40# of assist
• Superset: 3 x
• 12 lateral raises @ 12.5#
• 12 front plate raises @ 25#
• Leaning lateral raises, one set of 12/side @ 7.5#
• Skull crushers: 3 x 12/12/6-4 @ 15#/15#/15#-10#
• Machine flyes and reverse flyes: 3 sets of each, 12 reps, the weight was whatever Henry set the machine to (I think I did the same for normal and reverse flyes, which I guess says something ridiculous about my front/back strength ratios), alternating exercises

Hit Rate: 92/100 (92%)

Sunday: Rest day! Ah glorious rest days.

Today's AM Workout: Base run, 5 mi

Summary: 5.04 mi, 46:20, 9:12 pace, 175 spm

Pace splits by mile: 9:09, 9:18, 9:18, 9:09, 9:06

Notes: Felt sluggish, but got through it. Probs b/c I hadn't run fasted in a while and last week is catching up to me fatigue wise, but it's fine. I'm happy with this for a normal run of the mill run.

Hit Rate: 93/101 (92%)

Today's PM Workout: Outdoor ride w/ Hoang (who puuuuuushed me, it was awesome)

Summary: 28.87 mi, 1:43:33, 16.7 mph

Speed splits by mile: 16.2, 16.9, 16.3, 20.9, 16.5, 14.2

Notes: New 40k PR today, 1:25:44, kinda cool.

Hit Rate: 94/102 (92.1%)

Yayyyyyy. Swim tomorrow. Sleep now.

Much love,

Jess

"When it's dark you cannot be afraid"

[Day 76A]

Okay so expect posts for the next two weeks to be short and to the point. Part of it is because of time crunch related to upcoming exams and part of it is because honestly I've been feeling really unmotivated and unsatisfied and I want to prioritize directing my energy at getting things (like schoolwork and workouts) done rather than overthinking how crappy I feel right now. It's okay, we'll get through. (Shout-out to Henry for keeping my sorry ass on track even though I've literally wanted to skip every workout so far this week.)

Today's AM Workout: Gym, ~1:15
Summary:

• Squats: WU 12 @ 75#, 4 x 8/8/8/6 @ 115#
• Wasn't gonna go for set 4, I don't really know what made me do it anyways lol
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 4 x 12/10/6/6 @ 85# 
• These felt weak today, wasn't happy about that but whatever, just keeping grinding it'll come around eventually
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8/8/6/6 @ 155# 
• Not the cleanest lifting in terms of back involvement and grip strength is definitely an issue, will just take time/repetition to get better, I'm okay with that
• Pulldowns: 4 x 10-2/8-4/6-2/8-4 @ 7.5 plates alternating wide/narrow grip 
• I added the half plate today, the grip strength definitely cut into what I could do, as you can see I literally couldn't hold onto the bar...worse on the right side wide-gripping especially
• Lunges (DB weighted): 4 x 12/side @ 20#/side alternating forward/reverse by set 
• Had a knee kink on the L side in the middle of these because I was going pretty quick through them, probably worthwhile to slow down and take stock of form and all...
• DB shoulder press: 3 x 12 @ 25#/side 
• Okay we're gonna bring these up to 30 lbs and see what rep scheme I can do with that kind of weight and go from there next time...or I might do some barbell work because it's been a while since I've push pressed, etc. etc. TBD
• Wanted to do DB rows, couldn't because I literally couldn't hold onto the weight so I opted out of those today. I guess it's going to take some time for the grip strength to adjust to my back being stronger...
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/12/10 @ 75# 
• Pretty happy w/ the rep counts, had some R elbow pain during the set probably relating to my forearms being pretty weak and having a hard time with stabilization, which is funny because my L elbow has been bothering me the past few days and that was the one I was expecting to give me problems. Unpredictable at times.

Hit Rate: 80/88 (90.9%)

Back to that med school grind now. 12 miler tonight. Stay tuned.

Much love,

Jess

The redemption workout

[Day 70]

It was raining in the morning so I opted for the gym instead of trying to ride in the cold/wet/slippery. Got a chance to get redemption for that pretty poor showing at the gym on Monday. Here's the rundown!

Today's Workout: AM Gym Sesh, ~1:40
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 75#, 4 x 8/8/5/5 @ 115# (failed out on rep 6 of set 3, so I didn’t go for more than that on set 4)
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 12/10/8 @ 85# (still working towards that 3 x 12...)
• Deadlifts: 4 x 6 @ 155# (YAAAAAAAAAS; lift felt good, grip needs work and/or straps)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 7 plates (need to go up on weight on this)
• Lunges (DB weighted): 3 x 12/side @ 15#/side, set 1 alternating forward/reverse, set 2 all forward, set 3 all reverse
• DB shoulder press: 3 x 12/10/10 @ 25#/side (how is it that I can do 3 sets of 8-8 drops at 25#-15# but I can't get 3 normal sets of 12??? More work to be done...)
• DB row: 3 x 12 @ 40# (up weight?)
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 65# (I've been making some pretty great strides on these, pretty happy with how stable this lift feels now)
• Split squats (DB weighted): 3 x 12/side @ 15#/side
• Superset: 3 x 
• Bicep curls: 12 @ 20#/side
• Skull crushers: 12 @ 15#/side
• Superset: 3 x 
• DB lateral raises: 12 @ 12#/side
• Front plate raises: 12 @ 25# plate
• Band squats (bodyweight only): 20 

Hit Rate: 74/82 (90.2%)

Notes/thoughts:

• Lol I was there for a long time...I let myself take long rests and went for mostly straight normal sets. I had a really great time actually, I just happened to be there for a while. 
• Everything felt pretty solid today. Failing out a rep back squatting was kind of scary, but I just popped the bar back onto the guard rails and it was chill. I'm really enjoying finally having full depth instead of just hitting parallel and going back up. It's also convenient because stability at the bottom means if I do fail a rep it's not likely to hurt my back lol. We'll get back at it next week and try and work up to making the full sets of 8.
• I deadlifted all the weight. Am super happy about that. Gonna figure out what to do about the grip thing too...My grip was shot the rest of the workout so I kept the gloves off, which sorta sucks because my hands are still just like ew this is horrible. 
• I'm always reluctant to go up in weight on pulldowns but I really should...

Don't really have much else to report on. Morning swim and afternoon long run planned for tomorrow. Gonna prep for that standardized patient sesh now!

Much love,

Jess

When the weight on your shoulders doesn't make you feel any stronger

[Day 67A]

Days like today happen. Sometimes I get through them, sometimes I don't. All I could do was give it a swing today and if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. I got through 3.5 things in my workout and called it a day. Story later, summary first.

Today's AM Workout: Gym sesh, ~40 mins
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65#, 3 x 12 @ 105#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45#, 3 x 12/10/8 @ 85#
• Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 145#
• Pulldowns: 3 x 12/8-4/12 @ 7 plates alt. wide/narrow grip

Hit Rate: 70/77 (90.9%)

I had a late night last night. Anxiety/stress has been getting to me lately. I think I still have a really hard time justifying why I do this. I'm like literally one of the least athletic people I know, I just happened to have been involved in an endurance sport my entire life so it seems like I could pass for someone who is actually athletic but I'm really really not. Most people with a little bit of talent and some amount of training would fly by me when it comes to this stuff so I always find myself asking exactly why it is that I even bother funneling all this time and energy into something I'm just not very good at. And that's really discouraging. I'm still sorting those feelings out I guess.

But the point is, I was up late and I was thinking I would likely just have to pass on the gym this morning to make sure I got enough sleep but I ended up waking up at 5 am and thought about going back to bed but decided I should just suck it up and go to the gym. So I did. And I really wasn't into it. I got through the squats and bench and deadlifts alright but after that I just wanted to go home so badly. I sat around for a bit and eventually talked myself into hitting the pulldowns, but I didn't even finish all four sets of those. I just wanted to go home. So I did. Even though I did pretty well in terms of what I did do weight wise and rep scheme wise, I'm just really unhappy about quitting like that. I hate feeling like a quitter. I hate not enjoying what it is that I'm doing. I hate feeling like all of this is such a slog and I'm not getting anywhere and I need to work harder but my mind is so resistant to it right now. I'm giving it my best but my best is just a poor showing and I don't really know what to take from this other than that.

Henry's been trying to help me sort it out. He just wants me to be happy but I honestly don't know how to be happy with anything short of accomplishing exactly what I set out to accomplish. And right now that's not what's happening, so of course I'm not happy. Some people think the answer to that is to lower the bar, but honestly how is that any different from just falling short? It's like falling short but without even trying. That's gotta be worse. I dunno. Working through it. Easy run in the afternoon. We'll see where the day takes us.

Much love,
Jess

I am unstoppable (but also very tired)

[Day 61]

Double day report! So I was pretty ambitious with the gym plan as always. Didn't quite get all of it done, but had a solid 1.5 hr lift followed by some rowing so I'm not complaining at all. I was actually a little freaked out going into the workout because I knew it was gonna be a big day, but I really tried to be positive about it right from the get go (like literally from the moment my alarm went off) and I tried really hard to focus and talk myself up instead of down and it paid off so much. I felt like this was one of those days when taking myself seriously helped me instead of hurt me and I was able to accomplish so much by just telling myself that I could over and over again. I'm really proud of how this morning went down.

Today's AM Workout: Lift + rowing, 1.5 hrs + some
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 75#, 3 x 12 @ 105#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 8 @ 85#
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8 @ 135#
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 7 plates, alt. wide/narrow grip
• Giant set: 3 rounds at 55#
• 8 clean and presses
• 6/side (12 total) back loaded forward lunges
• 12 bent over BB rows
• 6/side (12 total) back loaded reverse lunges
• Tried to do these no rest within rounds, rest between rounds. I didn't ever put the bar down within an exercise but I did put the bar down between exercises to reset/reload.
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 65#
• Accessory work: 2 rounds of
• 12/side single leg bridges
• 12/side single leg Romanian deadlifts @ 25# (better on the R than on the L)
• 15 band squats
• Shoulder press: 3 x 12/7/5 @ 25#/side
• Rowing: 
• Set: 1000 m warm up, 1000 m hard, 500 m easy, 500 m hard, 500 m easy
• Numbers: 3521 m, 17:06 total time, 22 strokes/min average, 2:25.6 average per 500 m

Hit Rate: 65/71 (91.5%)

Notes/thoughts:

• Back squats: These were interesting...harder than I thought they would be. Or maybe just as hard as I should've been expecting. First round was rough, 6 straight and then 6 singles basically, I needed to stop at the top every time to breathe. On the second round I did a little bit better, found the pop in my legs towards the end when the reps were feeling a little desperate and all of a sudden everything got better. Felt like I was launching out of the bottom of my reps instead of squeezing them out, which was pretty cool. The third set was pretty bleh. Right knee spent almost all of the reps trying to cave inwards, so it was a good thing I did some stability work later in the day to try and get at that particular weakness. Next week I'm probably gonna go same weight same rep scheme, hopefully it'll feel a little more comfortable, I might throw in a drop set at the end if things are looking good. If that goes well, I'll try and push up to sets of 8 at 115#.
• Flat bench: felt strong, gonna try and work up to 12 rep sets.
• Deadlifts: THESE WERE SO SATISFYING. I was expecting them to be hard because they were hard last week (and I was only expecting to do 3 sets, not 4), but I think the pop I found with the squats really came out in the deadlifts too. I think getting my legs involved today was just easier than it typically is and I tried to focus more on driving the whole way into the lock out and they just came so easy. But then this happened...
  
  ...Which was pretty traumatizing. Um I'm super embarrassing. Don't know what I'm gonna do with this particular tidbit of information now. :\
• Giant set: More cardiovascularly taxing than I was expecting. I have to be better about not breaking between movements. Also on round 2 when I was getting tired I definitely unloaded the bar sort of unsafely a few times and caught myself and focused more and was better about it on round 3, but just for future sets like this I need to remember to be safe when I'm putting weight down. Probably going to try and up some reps on this the next time I do it. I wanted to play it safe with the lunging because I don't normally lunge with this much weight and I wanted alignment and form to be good, but I think I can go for more. 
• Incline bench: Super proud of this! Feels like I'm getting stronger every day or something. Gonna work my way up to 3 x 12. (:
• Accessory work: Should have probably done three rounds, but my brain was really going at this point...Sometimes when I don't control my core correctly, there's some back pain with the bridges, which can get exaggerated by the Romanian deadlifts. Gotta focus on that more so it's all done perfectly. 
• Shoulder press: Sadface this was so bad lol. First round was pretty solid and then I just had no push. Could've probably squeezed out more reps but my brain and my arms were just totally gone by this point. 
• Rowing: Couldn't decide if I wanted to go steady state or a few efforts so I threw some short efforts in there. My butt and hamstrings were really feeling this. 
• All in all it was a great morning workout. Also apparently I had A LOT of comments to make about this.

Between workout one and workout two was a looooooong med school day. I was pretty exhausted honestly by the time I got home and I vegged out for a bit but eventually convinced myself to take this run. I decided that because I wasn't feeling too hot, instead of running by time goal, I would run by effort. The original plan was to go 2 mi easy, 4 mi hard at under 8:45 pace (I think ideally the goal would have been to average around 8:30), 1 mi easy. I ended up playing it by feel and the numbers will speak for themselves.

Today's PM Workout: Tempo run as 2 mi easy, 4 mi hard, 1 mi easy by effort (no watch checking today)

Summary: 7.02 mi, 1:04:53, 9:14 average pace.

Pace splits by mile: 9:46, 10:02, 8:46, 8:50, 8:43, 8:38, 9:56

Hit Rate: 66/72 (91.6%)

Notes/thoughts:

• I was really hoping for faster splits in the tempo effort but it was the right effort so what am I gonna do about that right? Keep working, get faster, you can't force that kind of thing. 
• It felt really surge-y today, which isn't how I like my running to feel. My best running days tend to come with this kind of momentum that doesn't necessarily make the effort easier but does make maintaining a nice consistent pace easier. Today though, it felt like every time I stopped actively monitoring my pace, it fell off and I'd have to catch up again, which sort of sucked honestly. It was a tough 4 miles and I knew I wasn't going as fast as I wanted because I could sort of feel that just in terms of my stride length and ground contact time, so it was hard to feel slow and know that this was probably the limit to what effort I had to give.
• I was pretty wrecked after this workout. I came home and had a post-workout snack and showered but then pretty much like couldn't convince myself to move for another hour or so and eventually managed to do enough to make/eat dinner but it was a rough evening all told. The soreness is starting to set in from the morning too, so I stretched but we'll see how that changes overnight into tomorrow.

So I'm pretty tired now. It's a good thing I get to sleep in tomorrow. I'm so behind on work though, which is a bit rough. Feel like I want to sleep in but also feel like an early start could help me a lot with how behind I am. Conflicted. Will work it out somehow. Trainer brick in the books for tomorrow in the afternoon. Freaked out but also a little excited. As hard as those days are, I get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction out of running off the bike. Hopefully my legs will recover a bit overnight and cooperate with me tomorrow. Happy Super Tuesday! (:

Much love,

Jess

The comeback trail?

[Day 55]

Lol I love how I have basically made a saga of my trainer struggles at this point. Well today is the first high point in the adventure, so I guess I don't mind too much. Taking steps in the right direction! But let's start with where the day started.

Today's AM Workout: Gym sesh! (~1:25)
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 75#, 8 @ 105#, 2 x 6 @ 115#, 2 x 8 @ 105#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 4 x 8/8/6/6 @ 85#
• Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 135# (I only did this weight because it was already on the bar and I was too lazy to change it)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 7 plates, alternating wide/narrow grip
• Superset: 4 rounds of
• Lunge hops: 20 total alternating 5/side, focusing on HEIGHT (and stability on the landing, which still needs some amount of work)
• Band squats (bodyweight): 15 (20 on the last round)
• Superset: 3 x 
• Seated DB shoulder press: 7 @ 30#/side, 12 @ 25#/side, 10 @ 25#/side
• Single arm DB row: 12/side @ 40#
• Incline bench: 3 x 12 @ 55#

Hit Rate: 59/64 (92.1%)

Notes/thoughts:

• Squats: I wanted to play with the big weight because now that I'm above 100 lbs I'm constantly like, AHHH IF I GET A BIT STRONGER I'LL BE WORKING WITH BODYWEIGHT, which strictly speaking is not even that true because 25 lbs is a long ways to go, but you know. Psychological heuristics don't always speak reason. Anyways, in reality, I need to get back to sets of 12 instead of sets of 8. I was doing the 8 getting back into the gym to try and protect my back. I've done a good job of it, I'm stronger now, I need to get back to doing sets of 12. That having been said, 8 is so much easier than 12 so I've been real lazy about trying to do this. No 115 next time, just straight 105 sets and the goal is more reps!
• Bench: Didn't feel as strong as I did last time I was at the gym. Probably because this was thing number 2 instead of thing number 1? I know some people think it doesn't make a difference because thing number 1 was a leg thing and there are no shared muscles but uh, you would be wrong. I'm always strongest at what I do first. In any case, went for an extra set today because why not. I kind of like doing more than 3 sets of things, maybe this will be something I do more often.
• Deads: Weight wasn't that bad, definitely came down with less control but the reps were mostly pretty solid. Last two-ish on each set tended to be a bit sketchy. No pain though so I think we're all clear. Also, BIG PLATES. 
• Pulldowns: Took probs more rest than I needed to between sets but I hit them all today without having to let go which was new. I was counting in sets of four, so I was trying to trick my mind into thinking it was doing 3 reps instead of 12, and weirdly enough I think it kinda worked. 
• Leg superset: Didn't want to blow my legs out too much before the ride today so did some more accessory work. Lunge hops are surprisingly hard to do right. Especially towards the end. 
• Push/pull superset: Lol um so tried the 30s for shoulder press, it was okay but not great, probably better off doing straight sets of 12s @ 25 for now until I get a bit stronger (in place of the 8/8 drop sets) so I can work up to being able to hit entire sets of 8 @ 30. Single arm rows felt great today, didn't have any of the issues I had last time I went for the 40 so I'm real happy about that. 
• Incline bench: Opted for less weight and more reps on this compared to last week because I didn't take any time after the other arm things so I didn't know where my shoulders were gonna be. Felt strong, would be happy going back up to 65 next time. 
• Wow I had a lot of thoughts today. Weird.

Today's PM Workout: Trainer ride, 115 mins (yeah, I know, I opted not to go for the 5 bs minutes to get me to 2 hours, whatever)

Summary:

• WU: 
• 10 mins easy 
• 8 x :30/:30 spin ups 
• 2 mins easy 
• Main Set: 
• 5/5/5 @ 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins easy 
• 3/3/3 same pattern 
• 2 mins easy 
• 2/2/2 same pattern 
• 2 mins easy 
• 1/1/1 same pattern 
• 4 mins easy 
• 3 x 5/2 @ 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm by set 
• 2 extra minutes easy 
• Sprints: 2 x (6 x :45/:45 MAX sprints at base +1 over 100 rpm, 2 mins recovery) 
• WD: ~10 mins easy for a total of 115 mins 
• Totals: 27.63 mi, 1:56:47, 14.2 mph average

Hit Rate: 60/65 (92.3%)

Notes/thoughts:

• I was actually super freaked out about doing this but it went great. The 5/5/5 was tough towards the end but nowhere near as hard as it felt last week (I think I'm more rested) and neither was the split 3 x 5/2 at the end so either progress is being made or I'm feeling more rested. 
• I really liked getting to work with the pattern but in shorter intervals, I think I got a good workout and a confidence boost with regards to handling the workout intensity. I'm still trying to work through being really intimidated by this particular set and I think every time I take a step in the right direction it gives me a little more confidence in myself. 
• I killed the sprints today. The pace was so on point (see the Garmin file if you care), I was really happy with that. 
• It's worth noting I took about an hour nap before I did this workout, so maybe that played a role too? Idk. 
• I haven't decided what the progression is going to look like for next week...I will figure it out eventually lol.

AM swim tomorrow and that's it! It snowed today so I'm a little bit worried about ice on the trip out to the pool, but hopefully things will be okay (I have to bike out there tomorrow). Gotta study for that microbiology quiz now. Happy Wednesday! (:

Much love,

Jess

Jess doing stability/accessory work? What?

[Day 51]

Today's Workout: Gym sesh! 90 mins (:
Summary:

• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45#, 3 x 8/8/7 @ 85# + 12 push ups to finish (I probably should've kept going but uh they didn't feel too hot and this was an impromptu decision so I just let it go lol)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12/10-2/8-4/8-4 @ 7 plates
• Leg superset: 3 rounds, no rest
• 15/side steps ups (no weight, just focusing on hip stability; my L is better at this than my R)
• 15 band squats (20 on the last round)
• Shoulder press: 3 x 8/8 @ 25#/15# (the next time you do this, go for 30# no drop, I wanna know if you can do the extra weight, take extra sets if you really feel like getting all the reps in)
• Back superset: 3 x
• Straight arm cable pulldowns: 12 @ 6 plates
• Low cable rows: 12 @ 7 plates
• Leg superset: 3 x
• 10/side alternating single leg bridges (from the bench, again focusing on hip stability)
• 10/side lunge & hops (you need to GET HIGHER and work on single-leg explosive movements more in general)
• Incline bench: 3 x 8 @ 65# (okay this increase in weight came outta nowhere and felt so good it blew my mind, maybe it's just the extra rest between the upper body things and this lift but it was awesome)
• Lateral/front raise superset: 12/12 @ 12#/side and 25# plate
• Single leg Romanian deadlifts: 10/side @ 20# (single DB; you can probably go up to 12 with a little more weight)
• Arms superset: 3 x
• DB bicep curls: 8 @ 20# (well good to know I can do more weight than I've been doing...)
• Overhead DB tricep extensions: 12 (mostly broken somewhere though) @ 25# (Okay what exactly do people do with failing reps on this exercise? Do you just get stuck at the bottom and die? #confused)

Hit Rate: 56/60 (93.3%)

I think the notes say most of what I wanted to say. I did stability/accessory work today! Because I wanted to save my legs for tomorrow. I was actually super surprised by how challenging the stability work is. I usually don't wanna do it because I would rather feel like a badass and move lots of weight around, but I'm realizing that not only is it really valuable but it's really challenging, and that makes me want to do more. Will maybe try and find a way to more regularly integrate this into my schedule. Although my schedule is so packed I have no idea how I could actually possibly do that. We'll see.

The weekly recap!

• 1 swim, 1 swim time trial, 2 gym sessions, 1 run, 1 trainer ride, 1 outdoor ride, and 1 trainer brick for a total of ~10:45 in 8 sessions. 
• Um this was sort of a strange week, because my plans got wonky on Thursday and then everything just sort of shifted around strangely. I've stayed pretty on track though and I'm happy with how the adjustments turned out in the end. It's been good work, nothing to complain about here.

Morning long run with friends in the morning, gonna hit my first 10 miler of 2016. Then just lots and lots of studying and more meal prep so I have loads of food to get me through the week. Happy Saturday!

Much love,

Jess

I have a lot of feelings.

[Day 46]

Fun facts: I don't handle myself very well. It takes a lot for me to be satisfied with myself and okay days or even good days generally don't make that mark. I had a rough time this morning at the gym and I'm still figuring out where I am given that. I wasn't as mentally present as I like to be, but sometimes it's just hard to be fully mentally present at 5 am and I'm willing to cut myself some degree of slack for that. The problem though is that I think honestly I've been falling back on Henry a lot these past couple days, I've really let him take the mental burdens for me because it's so much easier than stepping up and taking responsibility for my own efforts. As much as I know that having him around makes me better in a lot of ways, I also know I'm doing myself a disservice if I let that become an excuse for me to be less tough on myself because I know he'll pick up the slack. I wasn't 100% there and 100% committed this morning and I don't like that.

I definitely also totally psyched myself out this morning. I had such a mind-blowingly great lift on Thursday and to me all of that was from the kick I got from getting to take that lift fed and in the evening when my body was warm and ready to go. It scared me so hard to be getting back into the gym this morning because I felt the weight of wanting to hit those numbers again but knowing that I was going back to being fasted and cold. I was telling Henry about this on the way out there, some people feel a lot of pressure going into races/events, but I typically don't. I mean don't get me wrong, I get nervous and I'm hungry to do well but I think everything that I can possibly control about the race is already out of my hands. I build those races in the months that lead up to it and the day of is just a matter of execution and the right kind of luck because there are always race circumstances that are out of your control. But I feel pressure every day that I'm training, every time I lace up to run and every time I clip in on the trainer and every time I dive in the pool and every time I get under a bar at the gym, I feel so much pressure because those moments are what are going to make or break my races and every single workout feels so valuable and so important and so heavy sometimes. It sucks to fall short in those contexts, it really does, and that's where I feel the nerves and the pressure the most.

One of the things I've noticed about my benching especially is that what's going through my head on my first rep normally has a way of determining how the rest of the set goes. I've been trying really hard to tell myself that it's easy weight on that first rep, I just repeat that to myself over and over no matter how that first rep actually feels because I know it makes a difference in how many I end up being able to hit. I think today I was expecting everything to be harder because of the whole being fasted/cold thing and I think it definitely played into me not performing quite like I wanted to be. I'm bad at the mental game and I hate that because it seems like such a simple thing to fix. Just don't think like this. It's frustrating today.

The other things worth noting today are that I had a pretty rough morning post-workout. I felt fine immediately afterwards but after about an hour and getting some food into my system, I felt genuinely awful. I ended up taking about an hour nap just in Henry's lap on the couch trying to get put back together and I've been doing much better since, especially after lunch. It was not the start to my day I wanted though. I also sort of felt shitty because Henry was obviously going about his life being a perfectly functional normal human being but I was such a mess. It was just one of those situations where I felt awful for not being able to pull it together and just suck it up and be normal because someone who literally did the exact same workout as I did this morning happened to be sitting next to me and was perfectly fine. That's the kind of thing that makes me feel weak in an extra special way. -Sigh-

I should also comment on the swim meet yesterday. It was meant to be a dual meet with the SLU club team, but they dropped out due to weather (it was snowing yesterday) so we ended up holding a time trial instead. My swims were super slow, but also I was getting like a couple minutes between each swim so what was I expecting really. Regardless, it was a blast. I love racing, like deep down at the core of who I am I love racing. It didn't matter that the context was a casual time trial, my body goes places it would never go in practice when I'm racing and I love that feeling so much. There was a distinct point in the third 50 of my 200 free when literally everything in my body hurt and I was just like, awwwwwwww yes this is what I live for and I dug a bit deeper. Which made me feel sort of like a total weirdo, but hey, it's what I love to do. So I'm going to summarize yesterday and today!

Yesterday's Workout: WUSTL Swim Club Time Trial
Summary:

• Meet Warm Up:
• 200 free, 200 kick
• 8 x 50 sprint down/easy back 
• 8 x 25 IMO
• 2 x 25 breakouts off the blocks
• Swims: we were hand timing, so I don't have exact numbers
• 200 free: 2:20 low
• 100 back: 1:17 high
• 100 IM: 1:16 high
• 50 back: 35 mid
• WU/WD yardage: 350
• Total Distance: 1850 SCY (I counted this as 30 mins on my Garmin)

Hit Rate: 49/52 (94.2%)

Today's Workout: AM Lift w/ Henry

Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65#, working 5 x 8/8/8/6-2 @ 105#, 1 x 8 @ 95#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, working 3 x 8/8/6-2 @ 85#
• Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 125#
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12/12/9-3/12 @ 7 plates alt. wide/narrow grip
• Legs giant set: 3 x 
• Goblet squats: 15 @ 45#
• Weighted split squats: 15/side @ 15# DBs/side (these got split pretty heavily, they were real rough)
• Reverse lunges: 15/side @ 15# DBs/side
• Superset: 3 x
• BB push press: 12 @ 45#
• BB row: 12 @ 45#
• Superset: 3 x 
• Bicep curls: 12/side @ 15# (I should like probably be doing more weight but I'm always afraid I'm going to destroy my wrists or something...)
• Skull crushers: 12 @ 15# (I think I normally do these a bit lighter but it was fun to try and get through these at this weight. It was hard, I didn't do a great job, had to break them up a lot and had Henry spot quite a few of them, but it was fun to try.)

Hit Rate: 50/53 (94.3%)

The only note I have to say about this is that I repeated the set I did with Fay that one time, but after having back squatted already and subbing normal squats in for goblet squats and I would like to say that this set will f*ck you up. I honestly didn't even push super hard today because my brain was just not in it, but I can almost guarantee you that if you do this right and really fight to get the reps in consecutively it's the kind of metabolic work that would make you vomit. I'm gonna keep working at this, I wanna be fit enough that this set at this weight gets easy.

Okay end long post/rant. Need to get back to studying for physio. Happy Monday! (:

Much love,

Jess

Up alllllllll the weight!

[Day 42]

Today's AM Workout: Trainer ride
Summary:

• I had a real 90 minute workout planned but I was taking the ride first thing in the morning and I was fasted and it was very clear about 15 minutes in that it wasn't going to be the quality I wanted, so instead of trying to make a workout that wasn't gonna work work, I just opted for a 60 minute as high quality as possible endurance ride.
• Totals: 12.26 mi, 1:00:45, 12.1 mph average

Hit Rate: 45/47 (95.7%)

Today's PM Workout: Lift (w/ Henry, 75 mins)
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65#, 5 x 8 @ 105#
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 8 @ 85#
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8 @ 125#
• Pulldowns: 3 x 12/12/8 @ 7/7/7+ plates (lol I still don't know these weight denominations)
• Shoulder press: 3 x 8-8 @ 25#/15#
• DB rows: 3 x 12/side @ 40# (these were terrible, grip strength was not a thing, I definitely had to put the weight down a lot, just more work to be done)
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/12/8 @ 55/55/65
• Superset: 3 x 
• 12 lateral raises @ 12#/side
• 12 plate front raises @ 25#

Hit Rate: 46/48 (95.8%)

I AM SUPER STRONG AT NIGHT. Lol being fed makes so much difference. I felt awful in the morning, just sort of pushed through whatever I could in a 60 minute steady state ride. This evening though, I felt super strong, was really happy with where I was at and the work I was getting done. Having Henry around is pretty key, just knowing that someone was watching meant that I fought through some spots when I really wanted to put the weight down and take a breath before I finished out. Twas wonderful.

My legs really hurt right now, which surprises me because all I really did was those 5 sets of squats (which were rough but I'm super proud of hitting). The rest of me feels okay. I expect all of this to change tomorrow morning, probably for the worse lol. Swim in the morning, run in the afternoon, lots of class in the middle. Bedtime now! (:

Much love,

Jess

"Your fight to overcome defeat has set the skies alight for me"

[Day 11]

Go look up the song, it's awesome, came on at a pretty pivotal moment in my very boring treadmill run today and pretty much saved it. When I took yoga lessons back at Gratitude in Princeton, one of the things my favourite instructor would have us do was dedicate our practice to someone at the beginning of each class. That was my favourite part, giving the practice up as an offering to someone important to me. Henry (who probably makes up my blog's entire audience) has been through a lot this past year to try and help me live my dreams and I won't get into the details of it but that line and this person are a huge inspiration to me. I can overcome some boredom and tired lungs for that.

Today's Workout: AM lift + easy steady state treadmill run
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65 lbs, 3 x 8 @ 95 lbs
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, went for 3 x 10 @ 75 lbs but set 3 ended up being a 4/3 split to failure so I dropped down and just did another 10 @ 65 lbs. (Yes, I dropped the bar on myself twice. In one set. I'm impressed too.)
• Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 115 lbs
• Pulldowns: alternating wide/narrow grip @ 6 plates, 4 x 12/12/12/8-4
• Giant set: 3 x
• Box jumps: 12
• Push presses: 12 @ 45 lbs
• Bent over BB rows: 12 @ 45 lbs
• Treadmill run: 
• Treadmill numbers: 2.71 mi, 26:39
• Garmin numbers: 2.64 mi, 25:08, 9:30 pace
• Superset: 4 x 
• Resistance band fly pulls: 25
• Band squats: 20 (bodyweight)

Hit Rate: 10/10 (100%) <- okay this is blowing my mind, I'm usually down a workout and clawing my way back by like day 4, how are we off to such a good start this cycle?

Notes/thoughts:

• Squatting: Um was planning on going 3 x 12 @ 85 lbs with a double drop at the end (which is my usual set but on more weight) and then changed my mind and went for less volume because I woke up with my back a little wonky (probs from just poor riding position on some of the harder efforts last night, really gotta work on that) and I wanted to save my back because I wanted to up the deadlift weight today so...that was a thing. A 3 x 8 is normally pretty comfortable, I'm still learning to keep my back safe on those last reps, but nothing felt too off which was nice. My legs also just feel way better today in general in comparison to last week, so that was nice.
• Apparently I can't go an entire gym day without dropping something on myself? Today was weird though because honestly both times it felt so out of nowhere. And once that bar is sitting on my chest it's staying there. I know some people can take a moment and pick it back up, I can't. And 75 lbs is just at the point where I really don't enjoy rolling the bar off of me, so uh, that sort of sucked.
• Deadlifting: 115 lbs was the weight I hurt myself at, except I was doing 12 reps and like really not thinking about putting the bar down in a reasonable manner, which was really my problem. I can usually lift safe, but I drop into that natural curve in my back if I don't focus on it on the way down and that's not good. So opting for fewer reps, working on being gentle with the bar on the way down, probably gonna hold it at this weight until 3 x 10 is comfortable and then try to go up to the big plates and play around with set and rep counts. Honestly don't know that I'll make enough progress in the next three months for that to be a real thing, but we'll see. A girl can dream right?
• Bent over BB rows: went conservative with the weight today because of that whole back thing (first time I've done this in a while without it causing me any pain). I should really like use more weight on these? But at the same time they don't have marked barbells at my gym and I don't know how much weight the little ones are (I lifted with the Olympic bars today) so I don't really know how to set them up and I feel bad occupying two Olympic bars (not that there are enough people at the gym at the hour that I go for it to matter, but still) so idk. We'll see...
• There were a lot of people on the treadmills when I went over for my short run so I had to use one of the small ones today. It's actually a pretty comfortable treadmill, I didn't mind it so much for an easy run, although the display is low which would be annoying for interval work. The run was boring but fine. Interestingly enough, my Garmin numbers line up much better with this treadmill than with the big one. The pace felt harder than what I'm used to for the 6.0-6.5 mph range as well which makes me wonder if the two types of treadmills are calibrated differently. Unclear. All it makes me think though is I have to be consistent about using one or the other for pace based workouts otherwise things could get real wonky. 
• Biggest factor in the run not sucking today though was the fact that my legs weren't blown. By this point in the day last Monday I was really hurting and I felt pretty good today, which made a pretty huge difference.
• Benedict (a high school teammate of mine) would be proud of me and my resistance band life. I was doing them today and reminiscing about him trying to talk me into doing resistance band work with him because my fly sucked and I honestly just needed to be stronger and me vehemently resisting every time. I may not be doing sets of 100 the way we did in club swim dryland in college, but at least I'm doing them now?

I feel so good! I mean the arms are starting to settle in, I am starting to feel that, but honestly I was wrecked after last Monday and I feel pretty good today so that bodes well. Fingers crossed that the feeling good continues into tomorrow, because that'll set me up for a pretty kick ass week. (I'm also skiing over the upcoming long weekend, so keeping my legs in a good place is going to be super key for that.) The plan tomorrow is a swim in the morning and a trainer ride in the evening. It's a little unfortunate that I'm front-loading the riding this week and back-loading the running but you gotta do what you gotta do to make the schedule work right? Hopefully the temperature comes up by tomorrow morning because riding out to and back from the pool in -8 C won't be very nice (especially once my hair is wet)...Alright time for some immunology! (And a haircut? I need to go get a haircut...)

Much love,

Jess

Check your ego at the door

[Day 4]

Aw yeah getting back in the gym. Feeling super weak, even by my standards (not that I was ever strong to start with). Definitely just sort of gave up on my last real lifting exercise because my arms were failing me and I can only drop weight on myself so many times while my fellow early morning gym-goers look on before I tell myself that it's probably just time to move on with my life. xD Anyways, here's the update:

Today's Workout: Gym + short treadmill run
Summary:

• Back squats: WU 12 @ 65 lbs, 5 x 8 @ 85 lbs
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, 3 x 10/8/6 @ 75 lbs + drop set of 10 @ 55 lbs (last set)
• Deadlifts: 3 x 8 @ 95 lbs
• Pulldowns: alt. wide/narrow grip, 4 x 12 @ 6 plates
• Giant set: 3 rounds, full rest between rounds
• 12 box jumps
• 12 single arm DB shoulder press (seated today because my legs were blown) @ 15 lbs
• 12 single arm DB rows @ 35 lbs
• Incline bench: 1 complete set of 10 at 55 lbs, 1 broken set of 10 because I dropped the bar twice, then I decided to just call that a day.
• Treadmill run: easy 20 minute run (6.0-6.5 speed)
• Treadmill stats: 2.15 mi, 21:20
• Garmin stats: 2.03 mi, 21:08, 10:23 pace
• Core/mobility superset: 3 rounds
• 12/side of cable low to high core pulls @ 2 plates
• 20 bodyweight band squats
• Total Time: ~ 1:45

Hit Rate: 2/2 (100%)

Notes/thoughts:

• My legs were getting wrecked by the squats. They just wanted to keep seizing between sets so I had to stretch a lot. Protecting my back during that lift actually loads my legs a lot more, which I guess is the idea, but it's sad that it makes me functionally weaker. Probably going to up reps before I try to up weight, I want to make sure that I'm lifting right and I won't throw out my back again.
• Deadlifting today was the first time I'd done that since I injured myself way back in May or whenever it was. I went real light, not very many reps or sets, just want to get back into the swing of it and make sure I'm teaching myself how to protect my back through the lift. We'll see how my back feels the rest of the day and tomorrow, but as of right now, it's perfectly normal so hopefully things stay that way.
• I was pretty much ready to go home by the time I was doing pulldowns. Maybe it was because my forearms were feeling really destroyed and that always makes me just grouchy, but I'm amazed I then got through the rest of the workout somehow. There were a couple roadblocks today, including how I felt during the pulldowns and dropping weight on myself during incline bench, and yet somehow I stuck it out and finished which really amazes me. It was like one of the bad long runs, I just kept telling myself to do one more set or to run for one more song and eventually I was at the end. Good job Jess. (:
• Running after lifting sucks. As does lifting after running. Which I guess is why it's important to do both things separately and together. Separately so neither thing gets compromised, together to get better at running on tired legs and maintaining strength even when you're aerobically drained. 
• I'm really not happy with where I'm at in terms of fitness (probably because it's day 2 of real training) but I was very happy with the effort today. I could have probably totally justified doing less and just going home early, but I didn't, and I'm glad I got through it. 

In other news, my sleep schedule is so wonky. I slept from 3 pm to 9:30 pm yesterday, ended up doing some work with emails and then tried to go back to sleep but couldn't because I was hungry, so I got up and made myself noodles and went back to sleep for a few hours at around 12:30 am. I'm really not sure how this day is going to play out but uh...wish me luck...

Food/shower/school time! (:

Much love,
Jess

No room for ego

I forgot where I had first heard that, but somewhere along the line I had picked up the phrase, "There's no space for your ego at the gym". It's a crazy true statement, especially given where I'm at right now. Having not seriously or consistently been in the gym for almost half a year now and nursing this back injury meant that I had to be okay with what almost felt like going through the motions at the gym. Wanting to do everything the right way and the safe way meant there wasn't much pushing (and to be honest, the combination of it being early and me being not super pain adapted right now meant I didn't really want to push that hard anyways) and a lot of generally being weaker than I want to be. Had to check my ego at the door and just work smart today, gotta trust in the long-term plan and be patient. Despite not being as strong or as healthy as I want to be, it was a good way to start the day and I know it's just another starting point. I'm going to try and get back into the gym more regularly, at least once a week, so I can start building back some strength and so I have an opportunity to do more work on stability and movement efficiency. Here's the run down of my hour.

Today's Workout: Gym, full body, compound focused, stability-focused lower body work

• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, working 3 x 8 @ 75 lbs, burnout 12 @ 55 lbs
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 6 plates (I don't know these weights...) alternating wide/narrow grip by set
• Squats w/ band around knees: 20 bodyweight, 12 overhead w/ small bar (25 lbs?), 20 bodyweight
• DB shoulder press: 3 x 12/12/8-3 @ 20 lbs/side
• DB row: 3 x 12/side @ 35 lbs
• Step ups: 3 x 12/side @ 15/side (DBs) - focus was on keeping hips even throughout movement (stable lower spine)
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 55 lbs
• Stretch cord butterfly: 3 x 20
• Back extensions: 12 w/ 10 lbs, 12 bodyweight

Hit Rate: 3/3 (100%)

In other news, today I changed my first flat! Which was an adventure and harder than I thought it would be, but I did it, and I'm immensely proud. I then took my bike to the post office so I could mail something and made sure that it was in fact functional, and it is! So I will be taking it out tomorrow morning to swim practice very early in the morning. Time for me to clean up the cookware from dinner and hit the sack super early so I can be up super early! Yay!

Much love,

Jess

Dropped off the radar

I evidently dropped off the radar for a bit there...It was a mix of things. I'm a little squeamish about blogging when Henry's around because I don't really want to show him how neurotic I am (even though he totally already knows) and then we started our first week of classes and life got sort of busy so I just let myself go. I'm supposed to be on a trainer ride or a long run right now but instead I'm sitting here writing this because I hurt my back again at the gym this morning. It was just one bad set of front squats (set 4) and bam. And the worst part is, I only did about half the workout because I didn't want to aggravate my back any more and yet it's been really hurting all day. It hurts when I stand, it hurts when I walk, it hurts when I sit, I pretty much can't do anything. It doesn't hurt so badly that I feel like I couldn't get through a run if I tried, but I'm worried about making it worse so I'm taking it easy. Let me do all the updates on the missed workouts (mostly without context because I've forgotten the majority of the context by now) and then I can do the update on where I'm at right now.

Thursday: Day off

Friday's Workout: Base run
Summary: 7.00 mi, 1:04:04, 9:09 pace.
Pace splits by mile: 9:43, 9:20, 9:11, 9:02, 8:55, 9:00, 8:53.
Hit rate: 40/43 (93.0%)

This run was solid. I had been having a shit morning (had a shit night prior to it) and I felt awful and discouraged and yet the run was pretty good so I finished feeling somewhat better about everything. The cool weather and overcast skies helped.

Saturday's Workout: Trainer brick
Summary:

• Bike set: 
  • WU: 8 mins easy, 2 mins base of a hill
  • Pick ups: 
  • 8 x 40 on/20 off, base/base/1/1/2/2/1/1 
  • 2 mins easy recovery
  • Main set:
  • 1/1, 2/2, 3/3, 4/4, 3/3, 2/2, 1/1 (+2 90-100 rpm/easy; I actually split the 4 min interval at half +2, half +1)
  • Climbs (16): 2 x 
  • 1 seated, 1 seated + 10 rpm, 1 seated, 1 easy
  • 1 seated, 1 standing, 1 seated, 1 easy
  • I may have screwed up the gears on this and done the first one a gear too low.
  • WD: 12 mins transition spin
• Bike summary: 18.82 mi, 1:20:06, 14.1 mph.
• Bike splits: 13.8, 14.6, 14.5, 13.4
• Transition: 0:58.5
• Run summary: 4.05 mi, 37:02, 9:09 pace. (Henry ran with me!)
• Run splits: 9:23, 9:26, 9:04, 8:46, 7:58

Hit rate: 41/44 (93.1%)

This workout was unbelievably on point. The bike set was rough but the run felt so solid. Part of it was having Henry next to me but part of it was just going for it and not worrying about a possible crash. I felt strong so I attacked the run and it worked so great for me. If I can start off my 10k run in the race like this I will be so satisfied.

Sunday's Workout: Base run

Summary: 7.01 mi, 1:07:36, 9:38 pace.

Pace splits by mile: 9:49, 9:50, 9:36, 9:46, 9:17, 9:33, 9:32, 10:08

Hit rate: 42/45 (93.3%)

I want it to be noted that it was a 90 degree day and it was sunny. There was a time not so long ago when this exact same run in the same weather took me 5 minutes longer to do. There were a combination of things at play, not the least of which I imagine is just less fatigue because I had been working out less intensely that prior week, but I'm definitely acclimating to the heat and that's progress I will take. Also honestly the run started off feeling real poor, it took my limbs a while to get the hang of things but once they were going they were solid so I was really happy with the pick up as time went on in the run.

Monday's AM Workout: CSP Practice, distance free day

Summary:

• WU: 500 swim
• Pre-set:
• 200-150-100-50 kick w/ fins @ 1:55 base
• 10 x 50, 1-4 @ :55, 5-7 @ :50, 8-9 @ :45, 10 FAST (made the first 7…)
• Main set: As per usual I'm not really sure what the pace time situation was because my lane was slower…
• 400 fr @ 6:45
• 2 x 150 @ 2:20
• 400 free @ 6:30 (??)
• 3 x 100 free @ 1:35 (??)
• 400 free @ ??
• 6 x 50 free @ :50
• WD: 2 x
• {100 choice
• 2 x 50 choice}
• I did a mix of pull w/ paddles (free) and swim (free and back)
• Total Distance: 4000 LCM

Hit rate: 43/46 (93.4%)

This swim was brutal. I think I had gone to bed a little hungry so I woke up epically underfueled and the set was long and faster than I could do and it was really all I had just to finish out every set and not skip any lengths. I did it though so I'm really proud. The only upshot was that I met a cool girl who seemed about my age who is faster than me and led my lane. We were also the only two in our lane so it was nice and spacious. And she was gracious enough to wait for me when I wasn't making pace times which was unnecessary but really sweet of her. I appreciated it. I was proud to have just finished that day to be honest. 

The plan had been to take a trainer ride in the afternoon, but Hoang invited me on an evening group ride with him so I did that instead. Maya also came along and she was on a hybrid and new to group rides so we ended up cutting the ride short because she was struggling towards the end. It was a lot of fun though and I had a great time and I'm really glad I chose to do that instead of my serious workout. Sometimes it's nice just to go out and do something and enjoy yourself and not worry too much about achievement/goals/whatever. I mean don't get me wrong, I love being an achievement/goals oriented person and I do think I'm really different from some of my friends in that I really love the pain of a good hard workout and I really chase after that day to day, but I think it's good to throw some chill balance of just hang out and have fun in there too. It helps curve the neuroticism slightly, which is probably good for me. 

Monday's PM Workout: Group ride with South Side Cyclery (we went through downtown and it was sooooooo beautiful and so nice!)

Summary: 20.21, 1:34:56, 12.8  mph.

Pace splits by mile: 12.2, 13.9, 17.4, 10.6, 10.0

Hit rate: 44/47 (93.6)

Tuesday's Workout: Rec swim (w/ Victoria)

Summary:

• WU: 200 free, 200 kick, 200 IM 
• Prep set: 
• 3 x 75 descend @ 1:10
• 3 x 50 descend @ :50
• 3 x 25 descend @ :30
• 50 kick no board easy
• Main Set:
• 6 x (75 FAST @ 1:00, 25 easy @ :30) best average
• 100 easy alt. kick/swim by 25
• 6 x (50 FAST @ :40, 25 easy @ :30) best average
• 100 easy alt. kick/swim by 25
• 6 x (25 FAST @ :20, 25 easy @ :30) best average
• 100 easy alt. kick/swim by 25
• IM Set:
• 3 x 200 IM @ 3:15 
• 6 x 75 stroke/free/stroke by 25 rotate strokes IMO @ 1:20 (probs should've tried to go for 1:15...)
• WD: 200 choice easy
• Total: 4000 SCY, ~1:15

Hit rate: 45/48 (93.7%)

Because of the late night on Monday (I got home late and then I stayed up late just sort of having an honest heart to heart with Henry about fun and achievement and whatnot), I decided not to go to CSP practice in the morning and slept in. Instead I hit up the Wash U pool for the first time with Victoria in tow. She's a great swimmer, would kick my butt if she were in shape but as it stands is a little slower than I am right now. I would have totally dropped the IM set if she weren't there to say that we should keep going, so I'm glad I had her to push me to finish it out. It was nice to be back in short course (although going back to CSP now is probably going to feel newly brutal again) and although I'm a tad slower than I'd like to be, I also realize that I haven't been swimming enough to be able to reasonably expect to be faster. I'll keep working at it. Also, Victoria has these beautiful turns/underwaters that really forced me to at least try to kick underwater off my walls. Positive peer pressure, it's good stuff.

Today's Workout: AM Lift

Summary: 

• Front squats: WU 10 @ 45, 10 @ 65, 2 x 8/7 @ 85. Then I tweaked my back and decided not to keep going.
• DB flat bench: WU 12 @ 25/side, 2 x 6-8 @ 30/side, 1 x 8 @ 25/side (honestly I did sort of quit on the last set and I really shouldn't have...)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 (sets 2-4 splits 8-4) @ 6. 
• Walking lunges: 1 set of 12/side @ sb+20 before I couldn't even get the bar off the ground because of back pain...

Hit rate: 46/49 (93.8%)

Honestly I was not happy with this morning's lift at all. Part of it was that I aggravated my back, but worse than that was that my head really wasn't in the game and I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be and it just wasn't fun or enjoyable to be there. And now my back hurts again and I don't know how the rest of my workouts this week are going to go or if they're even going to happen. This afternoon's workout is definitely already something I'm going to have to pass on. We'll try again with CSP practice tomorrow I guess. Since the changes to my schedule are now in consideration of an injury, I'm not going to count any "missed" workouts against my hit rate because the best thing I can do for myself right now is to rest and recovery properly.

As for where I'm at right now, I think I'm going to forego taking an entire day off this week, unless it is Saturday because Saturday is a busy day (coming back from the retreat late, might not have time to get a real workout in and I don't want that to add extra unnecessary stress to my life). At the very least I'll try to swim tomorrow and Friday. If I can, I will try to take a long run tomorrow afternoon as well, but we'll see what the status of my back is. If it still hurts when I walk, putting 10+ miles on it will probably be a bad idea...In the meantime I think I do have to make an effort to stretch and do mobility/core work because my back will never fully heal without it. I also think I should stay out of the gym until after all my races (triathlons in September through to half marathons in October/November) and just focus on letting my back heal completely before I try to get back into strength work. No sense in just repeating this cycle over and over again, I'm only asking for trouble this way. Maybe I'll do strength work mainly with bodyweight or something. In any case, I'll reassess in the winter and decide where to go from there with this whole back issue. 

I did end up going out and buying real cycling shoes today though after I was encouraged by many people to do so. I'm going to head over to Hoang's and have him put my pedals in right now. Hopefully I'll be able to make it back home okay with the new pedals...I'm really scared about not having adequate clip-in/clip-out experience. Wish me luck!

Much love,

Jess

Going longer on that trainer...

Today started with a very early lift and finished with a long afternoon trainer session. The lift was similar to what I did last week, with some minor tweaks and the addition of glute bridges. I didn't do a short treadmill run after the workout because I felt lazy. As of right now, I'm physically feeling much better than I did last week at this time. Although the soreness is starting to set in, it's definitely not as bad as it was last week, which is promising. The lift in and of itself also felt easier than last week, which is also promising since I did a similar amount of work/weight. I may have taken more rest breaks though, which may have factored into experiencing less fatigue. I definitely have to get over my fear of dudes...they will be in the gym while I am in the gym. I just need to get used to it. It'll take time is all I guess.

Today's AM Workout: Lift
Summary: 70 minutes

• Front squats: WU 10 @ 45, pyramid 10 @ 65, 8 @ 85, 5 @ 95, 8 @ 85, 10 @ 65 (5 working sets, first and last = light)
• Flat bench: WU 10 @ 45, 10 @ 65, working 3 x 8 @ 85 (last set split 6/2 rest pause)
• Weighted glute bridges: WU 15 @ short bar, working 3 x 12 @ sb+20
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 6, alt. wide/narrow grips
• Superset: 3 x
• DB shoulder presses (seated): 12 @ 20/side (if you get bold maybe it's time to move up to 25…)
• DB rows: 12 @ 40
• Forward/backwards lunges: 3 x 12/side @ sb+20

Hit rate: 38/41 (92.6%)

Note that sb means the small straight bar. I have no idea what it weighs but I figure as long as I'm consistent with the use of this particular bar, it's not super important.

The afternoon trainer session was long, but I kept it at just below threshold effort so it wasn't the hardest. The entire second hour to be honest was sort of grueling and my butt definitely really hurt by the end, but I kept it nice and consistent throughout and I'm really proud of the effort.

Today's PM Workout: Long trainer ride
Summary: 29.01 mi, 2:00:29, 14.4 mph

• WU: 10 mins easy, 5 mins base of a hill building up to 100 rpm in the last minute
• Main set: twice through…
• 2 x
• 4 mins @ 90-95 rpm race pace (base)
• 4 mins @ 60 rpm race pace (climb)
• 4 mins @ 90-95 rpm race pace (base)
• 3 mins @ 90-95 rpm sprint pace (+1)
• 1 x
• 12 mins @ 90-95 rpm race pace (base)
• 3 mins @ 90-95 rpm sprint pace (+1)
• 5 mins spin recovery
• 5 min spin down (after recovery from last set)
• Speed splits: 13.2, 15.1, 14.5, 14.9, 15.0, 14.0.

Hit rate: 39/42 (92.8%)

Now I'm going to go get Henry from the airport! And tomorrow is my day off! Yay!

Much love,

Jess 

The blessing that is pep talks and an exercise in flexibility

It was hot on Monday and I was totally going to skip my afternoon run and take a trainer session instead, but by the time I got out of school in the afternoon, the sun was starting to come down and it was getting cooler so I decided to take the run anyways. I'm glad I did it, I went slightly further than I did the last stand alone run I took and surprisingly slightly quicker too. I took the loop in reverse of what I usually do, putting the hills first, and although that was rough, the back end cruising was worth it. Will have to keep mixing up the directions to keep things interesting.

Monday's (8/3) PM Workout: Base/long run (I don't even know what to consider these distances anymore...)
Summary: 8.42 mi, 1:24:07, 9:59 pace.
Pace splits by mile: 9:49, 10:15, 10:03, 10:07, 9:33, 9:47, 10:02, 10:19, 9:58.
Hit rate: 27/29 (93.1%)

I had been feeling really great about myself and my progress. I was really impressed that my body had held it together so well over the course of the past week and I had been feeling pretty on the up and up after my run, but the more time went on, the more the exhaustion started to kick in and wear down on me pretty hard. By the time bedtime swung around, I was really not feeling having to get up super early in order to put myself through another workout. I was just exhausted. And I did something uncharacteristic of me: I asked for what I needed. While we were getting ready to go to bed, I asked Henry to motivate me. He gave me a wonderful pep talk and reminded me that he was proud of everything I do and how hard I work. He told me that it's hard because it's going to make me faster and the pain was going to make me faster and I just needed to hold onto my goals to make it through. It helped a lot, I could feel the resolve sort of set in and replace all the guilt I felt about really wanting to skip practice and I steeled myself for how hard it would be to get up and do the work that I knew needed to be done. See usually I don't have a problem getting up in the morning and doing what has to be done, I have a hard time committing to it at night and feeling positive when it's the end of a long exhausting day and the challenge of the next day just seems so daunting. Having someone to give me a pep talk in that moment was so important. It's the weakest I ever am and he helps me keep my head up. It was important and I'm so glad I asked for what I needed.

Tuesday morning, I took the swim as per usual. Waking up and going didn't even feel like a struggle after a night's rest. The workout was tough and coached by Hap, the head coach of the club. He was a really friendly guy. I swam at the end of my lane and generally struggled to make the pace, but when I voiced my concerns about being too slow, he (and my lane mates) told me I was fine, so I guess I will continue to struggle along in this lane. The workout was well thought through and thoroughly enjoyable despite being difficult.

Tuesday's (8/4) Workout: CSP practice, mid-distance free day.
Summary:

• WU: 400 free
• Pre-set:
• 8 x 50 free @ :50 (I only did 6 because I missed the first two while warming up)
• 4 x 50 IMO @ 1:10
• Main Set:
• 4 x 200 free broken at the 100 for up to 10 secs @ 3:30, negative split reps 3 and 4
• 4 x 50 free fast @ :45 (my lane made none of these)
• 5 x 100 kick choice w/ fins, last 15 m swim free (focus on reaching length coordinated w/ kick) @ 1:40
• 4 x 50 free @ :50
• 200 easy
• 100 mod-easy
• 200 MAX
• WD: 
• 200 easy
• 6 x 50 free breathe 8-7-6-5-4-3-3-3... @ 1:00
• Total Distance: 3600 LCM (as written, 3700 LCM)

Hit rate: 28/30 (93.3%)

Tuesday afternoon I had planned to take a trainer ride, but the day was extraordinarily emotionally overwhelming (med school stuff) and I really needed to take some time for me so I spent some time getting to know a fellow M1 I randomly ran into at the book store and then spent some time on Skype with Henry before going to a mandatory debrief dinner with a small M1 group and an M2 in the evening. So no workout was done. I think it was the right call and I'm not even going to give myself a hit rate demerit for it.

I was originally planning on taking today off, but the schedule tomorrow is pretty tight so when I woke up earlier than I intended today (5:15 AM, whoops) I decided that it would make more sense to do my double day today and take tomorrow off instead. So I just swapped the days. I lifted in the morning and followed it up with a short soft brick run on the treadmill and I took a bike trainer ride in the afternoon.

Today's AM Workout: Lift, soft brick (treadmill)
Summary:

• Front squats: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, 12 @ 65 lbs, working 3 x 8 @ 85 lbs
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 45 lbs, 12 @ 65 lbs, working 3 x 10 @ 75 lbs
• Pulldowns: 4 x 12 @ 6 (the weight stack is weird so I don't know what this means) alternating wide and narrow grips by set
• BB push press: I used the squat rack today which was nice, WU 12 @ 45 lbs, working 3 x 8 @ 55 lbs(rest pause as necessary)
• Lunges: 3 x 12/side using the short bar (idk the weight of that thing) + 10 pop ups after each set
• DB rows: 3 x 12/side @ 35 lbs
• Soft brick: 15 min run @ 6.5-7.0 mph pace, 1% incline

Hit rate: 29/31 (93.5%)

I am a little weaker than I was back in the spring when I was lifting pre-injury but I didn't lose as much strength as I thought I would which was nice. The front squats instead of back squats was a good call because my back is pretty tight now despite having tried to protect it during the lifting session. It should be okay though, we'll see how it feels tomorrow.

Today's PM Workout: Bike trainer interval session

Summary: 

• 17.73 mi, 1:16:08, 13.7 mph
• WU: 8 mins easy, 2 mins base of a hill
• Pick ups:
•  8 x 40 sec pick ups w/ 20 secs rest, base/base/+1/+1/+2/+2/+1/+1
• 2 mins easy recovery (b/-1)
• Steady state sets: 4 x 5 mins base @ 85-95 rpm, 2 mins easy recovery (b/-1)
• Strength work:
• 2 mins @ base
• 5 x (1 min seated climb, 30 sec jog (c+1), 1 min standing climb (c+3), 30 sec seated recovery (c/c-1))
• WD: 5 mins base, 5 mins easy spin down

Hit rate: 30/32 (93.7%)

I sort of stayed under legs burning feeling like I'm going to die effort today on the bike trainer. My legs felt like they'd been through a lot in the morning so I didn't want to completely demolish them. I definitely struggle with the smoothness in the pedal strokes during the set, especially the strength work. It's apparent during some parts of the seated ride, but it's really really bad during the standing parts (especially jogging, standing climbs are slightly better). It's something I have to work on more, my riding technique is just not up to par. I'm glad I have the trainer because this is something that spin bikes really don't simulate at all, so the realism is much appreciate. I'm realizing that my being light probably helps a lot with the natural speed I pick up on the roads, since my average pace is much slower on the trainer. I don't put out much power, but when you compare it to how much I weigh, it gets me where I need to go. 

Glad I exercised the flexibility that I've been reminding myself is important these past couple of days, opting out of the Tuesday night workout and swapping today and tomorrow. Rest day finally coming up! It's been some good work. (:

Summary stats for the week: 7/30 - 8/4, 7 days

• Total 11 sessions, 15 hrs
• 1 brick (transition run)
• 1 lift + soft brick run
• 4 rides (2 outdoors, 2 trainer; 106.2+ mi including bricks)
• 3 swims (10.8 km)
• 2 runs (20.1 mi including bricks)

And that's all for the massive update because I haven't log blogged in a while. Yay! (:

Much love,

Jess