The fourth month has not been kind to the blogging

[Day 102]

Sorry. I'm trying. I swear.

Friday's PM Workout: Base run w/ Henry riding on a bike next to me offering words of encouragement the whole time
Summary: 8.67 mi, 1:18:45, 9:05 pace, 176 spm
Pace splits by mile: 8:59, 9:08, 9:07, 9:03, 9:03, 8:56, 9:10, 9:12, 9:09
Notes: Definitely felt like I was fading towards the end and it was a relatively flat run since I took the bike path instead of the footpath, but I'm still happy with the pace and effort overall.
Hit Rate: 98/108 (90.7%)

Saturday's Workout: Easy run, paced Helena through the Go! St. Louis 5k!
Summary: 3.15 mi, 31:20, 9:57 pace
Notes: Was definitely hoping to get to a point pace wise where she could finish strong but we underestimated the terrain and she wasn't really prepared for that so things started out a tad too fast and fell off a bit as time went on. I'm still super proud of her though, she took something crazy like 8 minutes off her last 5k! Hoping she keeps running and we can do this again with more races in the future.

Sunday's Workout: Trainer brick, 2 hours on the trainer (mix of speedwork/sprints and hill work) and 4 mi FAST off the bike
Summary:

• Trainer set:
• WU: 10 mins easy
• Pre-set: 8 x :30/:30 spin ups, 2 mins easy
• Main Set: 
• 8 x (3 mins on, 2 mins recovery) at 95 rpm, starting at base (big ring in front, 2nd biggest ring in back to start), going up one gear each minute
• 4 x 5 segments at base +3/+4/+5/+4/+3, alternating 2 min segments and 1 min segments by set (total climb times are 10/5/10/5), 2 mins easy spinning recoveries between 
• 8 x :45/:45 sprints @ base +1 
• 10 mins steady state (prep for transition) 
• Total time: 120 mins
• Summary: 29.13 mi, 2:00:37, 14.5 mph
• Trainer speed splits: 13.4, 15.3, 14.6, 14.9, 14.8, 14.1
• Transition: 1:03.3
• Run summary: 4.49 mi, 38:45, 8:38 pace, 181 spm
• Run splits by mile: 8:32, 8:44, 8:42, 8:35, 8:36

Notes: I was challenged by Henry to do the run under 9:00 pace average (for a reward of ice cream, which I didn't actually take in the end lol) and I would have never gone for it if he hadn't made that challenge, but I did and it went spectacularly well. Things oscillated between feeling tough and feeling remarkably easy but basically as long as I kept my cadence up I felt pretty strong. I pushed up the hills and found it pretty easy to recover after them and I was holding pace well in the flats which I struggle with sometimes so all in all I was very very very happy with how things went. I wasn't going to be this aggressive with my run at the race but people tell me the Clemson course is flat so I think I'm going to shoot for under 9:00 pace on my 10k and if it falls apart in the last 2 miles, then so be it. But given how that run went, I think I definitely have it in me and it would be shame not to give it a try so that's the game plan for now.

Hit Rate: 99/109 (90.8%)

Today's Workout: Gym sesh, last lift before racing! (~1:15)

Summary:

• Back squats: WU 8 @ 95# (was rotating with a friend, this was the weight she was doing so I just went with it), 5 x 8/6/8/8/8 @ 115/115/105/105/105 (disappointed that I had to drop down, but it was the right call, 115s were a real struggle)
• Deadlifts: 4 x 8/8/6/6 @ 155# (probably could have gone for 8s on the later sets but prioritized protecting my back, don't want to take any injury risks this close to competing, felt strong even though it was right after squatting, the big deadlift plates definitely help since the bar starts pretty far off the ground)
• Pulldowns: 4 x 10/10/10/7-3 @ 7+ plates (didn't go for sets of 12 because honestly I just didn't feel like it...)
• Flat bench: WU 12 @ 55#, 3 x 10/8/7 @ 85# (these continue to disappoint...just gotta keep doing the thing)
• Leg stability set: 2 x
• Single leg glut bridges: 10/side (body weight)
• Single leg Romanian deadlifts: 10/side @ 25# (one DB)
• Band squats: 20
• Shoulder press: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 25#/side (still not understanding how I can do 8-12 drop sets at 25#/15# but somehow I still can't hit full sets of 12 with just the 25s...)
• Single arm DB row: 3 x 12/side @ 40# (go. up. in. weight. And need more grip strength looool.)
• Incline bench: 3 x 12/10/8 @ 65#
• Fly pulls w/ resistance cords: 4 x 30

Notes: I felt pretty weak today, which was sort of disappointing, but I also made a point of trying not to take myself too seriously. The point of today was just to remind my body to try and hold onto as much muscle as possible between now and when I race so the strength doesn't just fall right off my body, the details of how much weight I'm moving right now aren't super important. The other half of that story is the fact that I'm as strong as I've ever been in my life which means inevitably I'm going to get to a point where it gets harder to keep going up in weight without some changes to how much time I'm spending working on strength. I'll save the attempts at serious progress making for when I'm not so focused on triathlons, for now just holding close to this set point is fine by me. I also went to the gym in the middle of the day, which I never do, and I had an interesting revelation about how vulnerable I feel when I'm training and how it freaks me out to show that kind of vulnerability around others. The other thing that I realized though is that I need to be willing to take ownership of what I'm there for and what I'm doing. Sometimes I worry about what other people think about the random girl in the boy space at the gym but at the end of the day, I know exactly why I'm there and what I'm out to get and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. (And you know, I don't subscribe to the patriarchy and all and I need to stop talking like I do.)

Hit Rate: 100/110 (90.9%)

I was really tired after this but it seems like a good amount of coffee is bringing me back to life. Much school work to be done now. Tomorrow will be a swim in the morning and if there's good weather, a chill ride in the afternoon, either in Forest Park or maybe elsewhere if I'm feeling adventurous. We'll see. But it'll be chill. Because we're starting to err into taper territory...not officially yet (I've been hesitant about declaring a day as official start of taper) but I do want to get some decent recovery in so that'll be the point of the ride. Happy Monday!

Much love,

Jess

Getting it done

[Day 97B]

Today was an adventure. That was mostly full of terrible things. I was just dissatisfied with so much of what went on today. I took a nap in the afternoon that I shouldn't have. I wasn't as productive as I should've been. The weather was crappy. It was bad. And then I tried to go for this brick and took my bike out of the apartment through the back and got mud all up in my cleats which made clipping in initially really hard. But I got it eventually and I figured it would be fine. Unfortunately, the first time I hit a light, I clipped out and could not for the life of me get clipped back in. I spent an entire lap of the park trying to figure out what to do about my pedaling situation and finally decided that I had to go home to sort it out. So I ended up coming home and spending close to an hour disassembling, cleaning, and reassembling my cleats to get them to work again and then heading back out for the workout.

It seemed silly but at that point I had wasted close to two hours and I was trying to figure out what the best plan of action was. Maybe I should've just settled for a ride or went for a run instead or something but I just felt like the world was trying to stop me from making this workout happen and I didn't want to be stopped. I kept thinking about how the day had been such a huge disappointment and I couldn't imagine doing any less for this workout than what I had originally set out to do because any less than that would have felt like quitting or failing. I felt like I had something to prove. So I went out and proved it and took my workout exactly as I had planned. Sure, I lost a lot of my day to making that point and it made me really time crunched this evening and I really really struggled through everything else I had to do, but it was worth it. I haven't been proud of myself like this in a long time. Plus I learned how to fix my cleat issues! Redemption. I love redemption.

Today's Workout: PM brick, 24 mile ride (laps of Forest Park) and 6 mile run (hilly side of Forest Park)
Summary:

• Bike: 24.17 mi, 1:30:41, 16.1 mph average
• Bike speed splits by 5 mi: 15.2, 16.5, 15.9, 15.9, 16.6
• Bike notes: It was windy, I went way harder and rode way more aggressively than I typically would knowing I was running off the bike, but I was angry and I wanted to attack it and see what my body could handle. I was proud of how it turned out.
• Transition: 2:13
• Run: 6.06 mi, 55:56, 9:14 average pace, 178 spm average
• Run splits by mile: 9:01, 9:11, 9:23, 9:22, 9:11, 9:17
• Run notes: So happy with the cadence! The hills are TOUGH after the bike. My legs burned so hard on every uphill but I just tried to focus on keeping my upper body relaxed and my turnover quick. It worked out pretty well I think. First two miles felt really relaxed and then it just got exponentially tougher. It felt like I was fighting for every step in those middle miles, but I knew I was hitting a good pace and I just kept pushing and luckily my body never fell apart on me. It was a solid solid run. 

Hit Rate: 96/105 (91.4%)

Hitting up rec swim over lunch tomorrow. Gonna do a distance free set because I need to do more distance workouts. Hope everyone had a good Wednesday!

Much love,

Jess

Longest workout of the year to date

[Day 66]

Oh no I missed another blogging day! Yesterday was so hectic it completely slipped my mind that I hadn't blogged. This is what happens on rest days. I forget stuff. Okay well let's do a recap of yesterday and a recap of the week before we get into today's workout log.

Rest day: Yesterday was a pretty good day all in all, got some studying done, went to Schnucks Screenings, performed in the Vagina Monologues, had fun focusing on non-training related things that made me feel like I had a life again. I actually had a great day just being a normal person. That was probably why I forgot to log lol. The body felt pretty good most of the day, a little bit of residual exhaustion from the run on Friday but nothing super notable. Good stuff all in all.

Weekly Recap:

• 2 swims, 2 runs, 1 trainer brick, 1 gym session, 1 core session for a total of ~10 hrs in 7 sessions.
• I missed a swim this week and took 3 rest days which sort of made it not the week I wanted it to be but for what it's worth, I think I put in some great efforts during this week's sessions, especially with regards to running.
• It was nice to finally hit some harder efforts with the running. I'm pretty slow but it's coming along really well I think in terms of finding speed while tired. It's really shown through in the bricks, where I've been taking much faster efforts than I typically do. Makes me think I could pull out a pretty good 10k time in the next race. We'll see.
• I haven't done great this week with the sleep. I think that's worth noting. I've had to take afternoon naps twice and I think it says something about my sleep habits that needs to be fixed. Gonna really try and fix that in the upcoming week because it'll be a big week and I'll need to try and keep my energy reserves up. 

Okay time for today! Here's the weekend brick update:

Today's Workout: Brick (30 mi ride + 4 mi run, moderate effort)
Summary:

• Bike: 29.66 mi, 2:00:30, 14.8 mph (Geyer-Adams-Ballas route)
• Bike speed splits by 5 mi: 14.4, 14.7, 15.2, 14.5, 14.7, 15.2
• Transition: 2:30.60
• Run: 4.24 mi, 38:07, 8:59 pace, 178 spm cadence (flat half of the park)
• Run splits by mile: 8:36, 8:56, 9:13, 9:08, 9:11 

Hit Rate: 69/76 (90.7%)

The ride felt really good. I took it pretty moderately and honestly felt way more energized in the second half than I thought I would. Was mostly pretty calm too, wind started up towards the end but it was very manageable. I spend some time out of the saddle in the first half but pretty much tried to keep my climbs seated in the second half because I need to work on the steady seated climbing (Collegiate Nationals and Chicago should both be flat courses so it makes more sense to just stay seated rather than amp up heart rate with standing climbs when there are small hills). The run felt pretty rough today, not gonna lie. Didn't have the same spring in my step I usually expect and I felt outrageously slow, but the splits came out well and I got some good practice forcing myself to focus and stay positive and finish strong. It's just as important to work on the mental side of things so I'm glad there are days that really challenge me in that department. The only other thing worth noting about the workout is that I took two gels on the bike and had most of a bottle of Gatorade. I didn't eat breakfast beforehand, just had a Clif Bar, some water, and 3 Shot Bloks. It seemed to meet my calorie needs pretty well though, so it's good to feel like I have that part of the game plan down. Will probably stick to a similar pattern for the rest of the workouts that clear 2.5 hours in length. 

It's pretty cool to note that my longest workout last summer in the lead up to September racing was a 30+5 brick and a 24+6 brick and I've hit a 30+4 and we're still 7 weeks out from racing. I'm feeling super fit and super pumped to keep working towards putting together a good race in April. Excited to see where this goes. 

Lifting in the morning tomorrow and taking a nice easy run lap of the park in the afternoon. Seems like it'll be a light day in terms of school hours which will be nice, give me a chance to keep trying to catch up on lectures and things. Big week of training coming up, let's get it! (:

Much love,

Jess

First (planned) brick of the year!

[Day 62]

Today's Workout: Trainer ride brick, 90 mins + 4 mi run
Summary:

• Trainer set:
• WU: 
• 10 mins easy 
• 8 x :30/:30 spin ups 
• 2 mins easy 
• Main Set: 
• 5/5/5 @ base +1, 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins recovery 
• 4/4/4 @ base +1, 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins recovery 
• 3/3/3 @ base +1, 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins recovery 
• 2/2/2 @ base +1, 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins recovery 
• 1/1/1 @ base +1, 80-85/85-90/90-95 rpm 
• 2 mins recovery 
• 15 mins steady state riding (cover the clock, just find whatever gearing/cadence works for you) 
• Run set: 3 miles hard, 1 mile easy
• Garmin numbers:
• Ride: 22.05 mi, 1:30:24, 14.6 mph
• Transition: 2:40.70 (slow today because I had to change into cold weather running gear)
• Run: 4.26 mi, 38:34, 9:04 average pace, 175 spm 
• Run splits by mile: 8:37, 8:56, 8:55, 9:44, 9:13 (0.26 mi only)

Hit Rate: 67/73 (91.7%)

I'm really proud of this one! Recap in narrative form today. I think I had expected to feel really awful because I was pretty sore/tight today from yesterday and I was also sort of scared of throwing that round of 4s into the main set, but it went okay! I am actually super proud of myself because I worked really hard at being positive going into this workout. During the warm up and during each recovery interval I literally talked to myself out loud and just tried to say really positive things and reaffirm that I could do this and I had it in me and I think it went a long way towards getting me through the ride portion. I definitely was tired going into the workout because it was the afternoon and I'm always tired in the afternoons and I felt like I was going to fall asleep on my handlebars at first, but I got into it and it definitely woke me up and gave me more energy as I went on.

The transition was a little slow because of the inevitable delays of having to change into winter running gear (and try to dry myself off as thoroughly as I could with a towel so I wouldn't freeze as soon as I got outside) but I kept it under 3 minutes which I'm fine with as far as transition time goes. I love running off the bike. I think my legs are firing so many muscles on the bike that when I switch to the run, my brain recruits a bunch of muscles it typically doesn't when I'm running, so the amount of power in each of my strides blows my mind and it feels so good to have that kind of strength in my running. I can never really find that spot when I'm just going for a run, so I think the extra level of sensory awareness I get from running off the bike is always nice. Also I'm already warmed up, which is one of the things I struggle the most with when I'm running. It usually takes me forever to get into it when I just run, but running off the bike is almost easier because I'm already warm and my body is so ready to go.

I pushed the pace today because I felt good, so I wanted to take as many miles fast as I could. I was definitely fading in mile 3, was hovering between 9:05-9:10 average for probably 2/3s of the mile and then decided in the last little stretch that I really wanted to get that mile in under 9:00 so I put in a pretty good surge and kicked really hard to try and get there. I was pretty sure in the last minute or so of that mile that I was going to throw up, I worked really hard to keep the contents of my stomach in my stomach. I was impressed that I finished out in under 10:00 pace once I slowed down for my cool down mile given that I pushed pretty hard on that run, so I'm really happy with how that went. Also worth noting that the spm stayed high, which is good because that's usually something I worry about when I run coming off the bike. Glad I kept that up too, it was definitely something I was trying actively to think about (that along with running form in general).

I think the craziest thing is looking back on just a year and a half ago when I was new to this sport and my longest bricks were like 12 or 18 miles of biking (I honestly don't remember) plus a 6 km run and it felt like death and I was just holding on for dear life by the time I was 5+ minutes into the run. This workout was already longer than that and the fact that I could even think about pushing pace and feeling strong blows my mind. I've come so far, it's pretty cool to see that play out. Don't get me wrong, I still live in a constant state of "ugh I'm so bad at biking and running", but in fairness I am way way better than I used to be.

Gonna finish up with laundry and pack up for tomorrow and maybe do a tiny tiny bit of work before I hit the sack tonight. Swim tomorrow morning, only one workout, rain in the forecast which is sort of uncool but I'll get up and see how that actually plays out. If the weather seems bearable, I'll brave it for the swim. Fingers crossed! (:

Much love,
Jess

Hitting reset

[Day 49]

There's a long one coming. And it's pretty damn personal. Brace yourselves. Let me just get the boring half of the post out of the way:

Today's AM Workout: CSP Practice, sprint free day
Summary:

• WU: 400 swim, 250 swim (as written was 2 x 400 swim)
• Pre-set: 10 x 75 free @ 1:10, RB 6/4/2 (I did 6/4/3 because I can't breathe every 2...)
• Main Set: 
• 4 x 50 free @ 1:00 build to a sprint, no breathing last 12.5
• 8 x 25 free breakouts @ :30
• 50 MAX
• 6 x 100 kick w/ fins @ 1:30, 25 fly on back/75 choice
• 3 x (4 x 50 free @ :55 ascend 1-4), 100 easy between rounds
• WD: 400 swim easy as 100 back/300 choice 
• Total Distance: 3650 SCY

Hit Rate: 52/55 (94.5%)

Notes/thoughts:

• Kate is trying to get me to bike race. And ride with groups. Um both of those things make me uncomfortable but I guess I'm willing to try out either? (This thought is here because we talked about this on the car ride back, after she took me to a cafe to get delicious post-workout scones, mine was cheddar chive and it was so yummy.)
• There was a point where I was like, I just wanna go home. I'm so done with this. But Hap makes swims manageable, he always makes me laugh at some point and it brings me back to life a bit. 
• My underwaters/breakouts are terrible. Ugh where did my pool swimming skills go.

This afternoon's workout was interesting...I guess. I'll tell my story first and put the details at the end so they make sense. I was planning a redo of that one continuous effort ride that literally broke my spirit a few weeks back. I had Henry to see me through that one (I've actually had Henry around to see me through a lot of the rougher rides recently) and so I sort of saw today as an opportunity to see how I'd fare on my own. It didn't go well.

I think right from the get go the entire concept of that workout freaked me out. It's hard to look at a set that long and say "I can get through this" when you're hurting 10 minutes into a 75 minute set. I don't get beat by distance. You can tell me that I have an hour left of something and as long as the only requirement on me is that I keep going, I will keep going. But when you add a pace requirement to that all of a sudden it totally breaks me. I'm not great with the whole intensity business. There was a time in my life when I was and I'm not really sure what happened or how I lost it, but I find myself in the position of knowing that I really struggle with maintaining intensity. And that's tough for me to face because I feel like you have to have that kind of mental resilience to be good at this and I want to be good at this and I don't know how to be tougher other than by just doing it. Which I haven't been doing.

Anyways, the gist of what happened was that in the 5 x 5/5/5 progression, I broke in the last 3 minutes of the first round. The first round. I got to three rounds at my target gearing last time and took the last two rounds a gear down which was already kind of disappointing but at least I did something vaguely resembling the workout. This time I got 12 minutes into the main set and I just couldn't. And it was incredible because I was so active about evaluating how I was feeling and yes it was a rough pace and yes my legs burned but it wasn't an outrageous level of effort. Logically speaking I knew that I should be fine but my brain was panicking the whole time and it just felt like I couldn't and I couldn't and so I didn't. It was so incredibly disappointing to just quit on myself like that. And I wanted really badly to just unclip and go shower and put it behind me but I couldn't, so I brought the gearing down one and thought, okay, let's go at this effort level. I know for a fact that I can do this a gear down. But same thing, 12 minutes in, I just couldn't. My brain just couldn't handle it. 

It's weird, but I really do feel like the last time I did this it was just so hard and so incredibly painful that I really didn't gain any confidence from the workout. I remember just sort of being kept awake by it at night that day and the next few days and feeling like I could never do that again, I could never put myself through that again. No workout has ever really done that to me before, including like the terrors that were New Years Eve or New Years Day workouts from my age group swim club days. Usually getting through a tough workout gives you confidence but honestly that workout just broke me. And even now I really can't shake that feeling and I think that's a part of what's holding me back. 

The other part is that accumulated fatigue is a thing. I can feel it every time I run and every time I ride, it takes me normally 30 or 40 minutes to get into it and feel okay instead of the usually 15 or 20. Even on the trainer, I tend to feel best a few repeats into whatever set I'm doing because it just takes forever to get my legs to loosen out. So in a way I know that had I just gotten a little bit further through it it would have probably eased up a bit. But I just couldn't, even after I dropped down a gear, and I ended up feeling so stuck and frustrated and disappointed with myself. 

I ended up getting off the bike and taking a short run. I felt like I needed to run. The only time I ever ran in high school was when I was really upset. Sometimes I'd get into a fight with my parents or I would get really emotional over drama at school and I would just need to run. Need it like I needed air and nothing could stop me, I'd be out the door and I'd find myself x number of miles from home too tired to keep going and not really sure how I was gonna get back. The only time I ran during my first two years of college was after exams. I only ever ran when I had something to run from and today that feeling hit me full force while I was sitting on the bike. I just very literally had to run away from my problems.

The run did some good for me. I had a lot of negativity I needed to shrug off before I could really think about what was happening and getting outside and feeling like I could escape some of what was going on back in my apartment was good for me. And I had a long conversation with myself that basically went like this: So you're angry and frustrated and upset with yourself, what are you gonna do about it now? Quit? Never set foot on the trainer again? No. So what are you gonna do? Work harder. Well that's easy to say now seeing as you just ran away from the work you were supposed to be doing. That's not a good answer. Try again. Make a new plan. Okay what is this new plan. I don't know. Tell me why this isn't working for you. The set is daunting. I'm scared. How can we make it less daunting? It's sort of like goal setting. The end goal is always daunting, you have to break it up to make it manageable. Okay so how do we do that here? Well I obviously am not gonna hit the workout as written right now so why don't we make this set an ultimate end goal and work up to it. Great, more details. The number of repeats is scary. The fact that there's no rest is scary. Let's try and break the set up along those lines and work on building confidence with one of those things at a time before trying to put it together again as a big set. Okay that sounds good. Are you missing anything? Yes, I need more warm up time. I'm willing to sacrifice the sprinting at the end of this workout in order to make sure I hit this main set and can fit in solid warm up time. That all sounds good to me. Let's make it happen.

I was actually really amazed with where my brain took me on that run. That's not to say that I'm not still angry/upset/frustrated and that I'm not still sitting here berating myself for not just being tougher (I am, can't help it, it feels like I should be able to do this and the fact that I can't kills me), but I do know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if I can't get this set done for fitness reasons or for mental reasons, it all amounts to the same thing: I'm not doing quality work, I need a plan to fix that. So the plan is this. I'm going to do three variations of this workout in the next three weeks and on week four, I'm going to try to hit the main set (the 5 x 5/5/5, no finishing sprints) as the main portion of a 100 minute trainer ride brick (tack on 3-4 miles of running to the end of that). That starts tomorrow, where I'm going to do just 3 x 5/5/5 with 2 minutes of rest between each round and one set of six 45 second sprints. I just need to prove to myself that I can get through those last 5 minutes on each repeat and the reward of rest will hopefully keep me going past 12 minutes and we will build from there. 

Is it sort of silly that I'm really hung up on this workout and am willing to build my entire trainer progression around it instead of working on other things? Yes. It's extremely silly. It makes very little sense in the grand scheme of training. But I also know myself and I know I need to get this monkey off my back if I want to continue enjoying what I'm doing. I can't let this beat me because so long as this hangs over my head, I'm going to feel like I don't have what it takes. I have to prove to myself that I can work through this, so I'm going to work through it, even if it comes at some sort of expense to whatever the ideal training plan is. And the crazy thing is, even at a very reasonable 3 x 5/5/5 with rest breaks, I'm still scared. It still scares me. But I'm gonna give it my best tomorrow and hopefully prove to myself that if I work at it, I will get there. Wish me luck. In the meantime, enjoy what happened today.

Today's PM Workout: An unexpected first brick of the year!

Summary:

• Trainer ride: 10.60 mi, 45:21, 14.0 mph average
• Outdoor run: 4.18 mi, 39:28, 9:27 pace

Hit Rate: 53/56 (94.6%)

I'm going to go shower now and continue to be disappointed with where today left me. It doesn't feel good to feel like I'm not moving in the right direction, but that's how these things go. It would be great if training and progress were linear but it never is. I did this a few weeks ago and today I couldn't do it, so now I have to look forwards and figure out how to get back to where I want to be. Gonna keep working for that breakthrough. Swim tomorrow morning, edited trainer ride re-do in the afternoon. Let's get it. (:

Much love,

Jess

Sleepless nights, getting angry, conviction, redemption

I guess I left off on Wednesday, with a back injury and some amount of frustration. I ended up spending some amount of time just playing around on the trainer that evening once I had my new pedals on, just clipping in and clipping out. It was really hard at first because the springs were really tight but I started to get the hang of it.

The next day was flat out awful. I woke up around 1:30 in the morning and tossed and turned in bed for about an hour and a half before I decided it was futile to try to get back to sleep so I got up and dealt with some errands. I went to swim practice, which was my first sprint day practice with CSP, and on one hand really didn't work that hard and on the other hand really really enjoyed it. Sprinting is more my speed in the pool, and we also did a lot of kick work and work with fins, which I appreciated. It was a freezing cold day though, which was sort of rough in that every time my arms cleared the surface they froze and every time we stopped to get instructions my face froze. (It was like 55F...the pool was much warmer.) My lane also apparently had a hard time listening to instructions because we definitely messed some stuff up. But oh well, it was a solid swim anyways.

Thursday's AM Workout: CSP practice, sprint day
Summary:

• WU:
• 1000 SKIPS (IM drill)
• 2 x 50 free DPS @ :55 (was written as 4 x 50)
• Main Set:
• 2 x (6 x 50 free) @ :55
• 1: easy
• 2-3: build
• 4-6: hard
• It was supposed to just be 6, 1 easy, 2 build, 3 hard, repeat. But we misunderstood the directions.
• MAX kick w/ fins @ 1:00 base (we actually ended up doing a mix of :45-1:00 base intervals…)
• 150 @ 2:30
• 2 x 100 @ 1:45
• 3 x 50 @ 1:00
• 3 x 100 free pull FAST (no paddles) @ 1:50 (idk if we really made these), focus on fastest possible turnover (I went RB5 on these)
• 6 x 100 free swim w/ fins MAX @ 2:00 (these weren't really max, I had a hard time sprinting with fins on…it was weird)
• WD: 6 x 50 alt. back/free by 50 @ :55 (lol this was too aggressive, some were on 1:00)
• Total Distance: 3400 LCM

Hit rate: 47/50 (94%)

It was a rough day simply because it was sort of endless (and started obscenely early). I pretty much had no spare seconds in the day. Right after I got home from school, I hopped on the trainer and did a big gear strength ride. 

Thursday's PM Workout: Trainer ride, strength work (big gears)

Summary: 

• WU: 8 mins easy, 2 mins @ base of a hill
• Main Set: 
• 5 x 8 mins threshold effort 60 rpm big gear, 2 mins easy spinning recovery
• 5 x 40 secs MAX/20 secs easy, big gear sprint pick ups (stay at threshold gear or drop by 1)
• WD: 5 mins base of a hill, 5 mins easy
• Total Time: 75 mins
• Note: Was originally written as 8 x MAX/easy efforts but I was dying and also running low on time (busiest day ever!) The threshold efforts were actually really hard, just hurt the whole way, so I'm really amazed that I made them all at the specified intensity. Just gotta believe.
• Summary: 18.43 mi, 1:15:37, 14.6 mph.
• Splits: 14.1, 15.3, 15.2, 13.7

Hit rate: 48/51 (94.1%)

The entire set hurt but I got through it and was really proud of the effort. I pretty much immediately showered and went to an evening info session and training session for some stuff at school, so the busy day continued. I actually spent the entire day from lunch onwards just being angry. I got angry at the littlest things but I almost encouraged myself to be angry because the anger kept me awake and focused and hungry to tear shit up and get shit done. So despite the exhaustion and how hectic the day was, I managed to do everything I had to do. It was really emotionally and physically wearing, but it got done. I'm not sure this is how I want all of my days go (because this is probably not a healthy way to tackle life), but if I have to get through one of these days every once in a while in order to stay on track, I will take it. 

The next morning was real rough. I went to bed feeling real rough and woke up exhausted and unmotivated and pretty physically wrecked. I was going to do an interval workout for running but decided to just take a base run instead. It was funny because I kept planning on going easy but at the beginning and at the end there were other women in my vicinity and I always wanted to get in front of them and drop them so there were some pushes during the run. I guess you can't curb the competitiveness even when you're cranky and exhausted.

Friday's Workout: AM base run

Summary: 7.05 mi, 1:05:32, 9:18 pace.

Pace splits by mile: 9:38, 9:03, 9:07, 9:31, 9:11, 9:35, 9:04, 7:43.

Hit rate: 49/52 (94.2%)

The weather was nice and cool and it was overcast which made for a great day. I would have really loved to take better advantage of that kind of weather and actually cranked out some speed or something, but I'll take just getting through what I had to do.

Friday afternoon through Saturday evening were all spent at the Diversity Retreat. Not too much happened by way of things that could count as actually physical or active, but it also wasn't an inactive day, so I was satisfied with that much. My back was giving me a lot of trouble on Saturday though because of all the standing, which was pretty rough. I was planning on taking a short ride with some friends on Saturday night, just to practice clipping in and out and what not, but the rain spoiled our plans. I was sort of upset about taking an unplanned day off and really upset about being busy and having no time to do the things I wanted to do and that really threw me off. There was a bit of an emotional evening, a lot of being angry and frustrated and sad. But bad days are a part of everything right? Just gotta push through.

Saturday: Day off, missed a planned ride.

Hit rate: 49/53 (92.4%)

Despite how rough things have been recently though, I feel like I've found a whole new sense of conviction for what I'm doing. Not just in terms of training, but also in terms of school and life in general. I want to take good care of myself, I believe that's important, I really value that, so I want to put effort into things like planning and keeping my home clean and making sure I'm eating well. I am so invested in what I'm learning in school, in the future I'm working towards, and I don't need it to be easier, I'm willing to fight through this and be the best that I can be. The same goes for the training. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and everyone would be successful. For the first time in a long time I feel like I really understand why I'm here and I'm really honestly in love with everything I'm doing and I'm willing to throw myself whole-heartedly into these things even if they lead to difficult days that leave me tired and cranky. I have an honest belief that what I'm pushing through is valuable. It's nice to feel fulfilled by all of this work finally, instead of feeling like I had my hands tied all the time and just had to do things because I was expected to do things. 

This morning, I woke up and took the longest brick I've ever taken in my life. It actually felt much better than I was expecting it to. I think a key contributor to that was the fact that I took two Shot Bloks beforehand, had Gatorade Endurance in one of my water bottles, and took a Clif Shot about 1:15 into the ride. I've never taken a gel mid-workout before, but I swear this one saved me. I'm probably going to need to buy more fuel to use on these longer rides/runs. 

Today's Workout: Long ride brick

Summary:

• Bike summary: 29.43 mi, 1:50:17, 16.0 mph.
• Bike splits: 15.1, 16.2, 16.5, 15.8, 16.3, 16.2
• Transition: 2:24.3
• Run summary: 5.14 mi, 47:58, 9:20 pace.
• Run splits: 9:01, 9:40, 9:39, 9:16, 9:09, 8:46

Hit rate: 50/54 (92.5%)

I went the Clayton-N Geyer-W Adams-N Ballas route today, which was longer and had more elevation gain overall than the Midland-Ashby route. I also ran a little further than I usually do and I took my out and back on the slightly hillier side of the park to try and get my legs acclimated to hill work post-ride. All in all my body took it way better than I thought I would. The bike started off feeling pretty rough but I held on surprisingly well. I think the bike shoes definitely do help, especially on the climbs (which I am still steadily improving at!). I'm still worried about the big climbs during Club Nationals but I figure I can drop down into my smaller front ring and just grind slowly slowly if I have to. 

For next week's big Sunday brick, I'm either going to take a 24-mile or 30-mile ride and try to follow it up with a full lap of Forest Park. I don't care so much about time or speed, I just want to know I can get that full run in coming off the bike. One big long confidence booster before I have to pull things back and get ready to race. Gotta do the rest of my crazy life now, will hopefully be back with better frequency in this upcoming week than I've managed to do this past week.

Much love,

Jess

Bricks: Going longer

Working on building up the post-bike run. Here's the summary!

Today's Workout: Brick, Midland-Ashby ride + 3-4 mi run
Summary:

• Bike: 23.38 mi, 1:13:11, 15.1 mph. Note that the times are always deceiving because it doesn't count time that I'm stopped at streetlights, which is extra rest for me.
• Bike speed splits: 14.3, 14.7, 16.7, 15.0, 14.7.
• Transition: 1:49.4
• Run: 3.93 mi, 37:10, 9:28 pace.
• Run pace splits: 9:07, 9:42, 9:29, 9:33.

Hit rate: 35/37 (94.5%)

I actually felt pretty bad the first 10 miles or so of the bike this morning, but things got better probably due to a combination of downhill stretches and just generally being more warmed up. I spent a small amount of time out of the saddle on the climbs and in the flats and it's feeling much smoother, so I think the big gear work that I've been doing on the trainer is really making a difference. I met a cool dude named Pedro on the way in and he showed me a shortcut from Clayton to Wydown that avoids the nasty left turn on North Hanley, which was nice. He had said that he would have swapped info with me if I wanted to ride with him but he's going to Colorado next week for a few months because he owns a business down here so he won't be around. It was cool to meet him though, we had a nice chat and he kept my pace up. Riding with someone else is always inherently motivating.

I was very happy with my run today. I went out way too fast last week and really was dying towards the end but today I kept it reined in during the early half and held on quite strong for the remainder. I felt pretty good throughout too, which was key. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep trying to extend the runs off the bike, but I think it'd be good to take a full lap of the park (~7 miles) off the bike once in the next few weeks, before September racing for sure, just to know I can go the distance. Even now though, after today's workout, I'm fairly confident I would have had the rest of the run left in me. I'm really proud, my running has come such a long way!

Tomorrow the plan is a morning swim and some kind of afternoon workout. We'll see what the weather is like and decide from there. Yay!

Much love,
Jess

First brick of the season!

Okay it was more of a long transition run than a full brick, but you know, I ran off the bike so it counts.

Today's Workout: Race distance-ish bike + 20-30 min transition run
Summary:

• Bike: Midland-Ashby route, 23.50 mi, 1:32:07, 15.3 mph, 879 ft gain.
• Bike speed splits: 13.4, 15.1, 16.2, 16.1, 16.6
• Transition: 2:09.6, hilariously I fell off my bike trying to dismount while clicking my watch buttons, will have to not do that next time.
• Run: 14 minute turn around, 2.87 mi, 26:47, 9:20 pace.
• Run pace splits: 8:48, 9:27, 9:50.

Hit rate: 25/27 (92.6%)

I want it noted that the bike cadence was much better than yesterday, and most of the average speed being higher was a result of me bombing down the hills every opportunity I got. I tried to focus on being smooth on the uphills, to varying degrees of success (I even spent a little bit of time climbing out of the saddle!). The run cadence was also surprisingly good given that I was coming off the bike. Too excited off the start though and was really feeling the pace taper out as time went on. I'll have to work on extending the length of these transition runs and that might become problematic as the runs get longer. I knew it was going to be short though so I just went fast and tried to hold on. It's good practice I guess. 

I had a blast training today. The roads were clear, there were a ton of other friendly cyclists on the roads, I hung onto the end of a group of old guys on the way in from Clayton who were real funny and shot past me once I got on the bike path in Forest Park and that was really motivating and fun. The transition into the run really breaks up the monotony of a long workout and I really enjoyed that little challenge. All in all it was just getting to do things that are a lot of fun and I had a blast.

Two key nutrition things today: I got up way early and made/ate breakfast about 1-2 hours before I headed out which I think was really important to how sustained I felt energy level wise. Also had a full bottle of water with Nuun that I drank while out on the bike, so that also kept me going once I was off the bike. I'm running out of Nuun though so I'll have to load up on that soon.

The plan is going to be a little more flexible these next two weeks because of a sort of unclear orientation schedule at school. I'm for sure going to be taking morning swims Monday and Tuesday and will hopefully be able to fit in an evening long run tomorrow and a bike trainer session on Tuesday. I may or may not decide to drop the evening sessions depending on how busy I am and how my body is feeling though. I've been putting in good work, I'm willing to be flexible about it. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck with the first day of orientation tomorrow!

Much love,

Jess